As Lane, Line Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing, I have evaluated Chapter 13. My focus is on the rhythmic transition from the clinical tension of the Spire to the volatile heat of the Pyre, ensuring the prose reflects the "Grey Equilibrium" without losing the distinct sharpness of our leads.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Calculated" Dialogue:** Dorian’s voice remains remarkably consistent, utilizing data-driven metaphors to mask emotional vulnerability.
    *   *Example:* "The evidence suggests, Mira, that we are already four minutes behind the Chancellor’s intended arrival schedule."
*   **Sensory Magic Integration:** The prose successfully weaves magical theory into physical descriptions.
    *   *Example:* "It was a stabilized kiln, a steady pulse that didn't threaten to incinerate my furniture..."
*   **Voice Signatures:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her internal monologue is frantic, visual, and uses "obviously" as a rhythmic anchor.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His speech is diagnostic, utilizing "the evidence suggests" and quantitative observations to navigate social discomfort.
    *   **Voss:** YES. His dialogue is oily and passive-aggressive, relying on "one wonders" and "shall we say."

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The "Right Hand" Recovery:** In the project context (Character State), Dorian's right hand is "fully restored." However, the text says: *"His right hand—the one that had been a ruin of black frost and metabolic fatigue—rested steadily at his side."* While not a contradiction, the prose implies a recent or lingering "ruin."
    *   *Correction:* Ensure the prose reflects that the restoration is complete but the *memory* of the injury remains the anchor.
*   **Point of View Shift:** The chapter is written in First Person (Mira). However, the final sentence shifts to Third Person: *"Mira realized she no longer needed a ledger to prove they were real."*
    *   *Correction:* Change to: *"I realized I no longer needed a ledger to prove we were real."*

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Three Hundred Miles" Metaphor:** Mira says to Voss, *"If you’re looking for a scandal, you’re about three hundred miles off course."* 
    *   *Problem:* This feels like a modern colloquialism (miles) in a world that typically uses fantasy-specific distances or magical orientations.
    *   *Fix:* ORIGINAL → SUGGESTED: "three hundred miles off course" → "half a continent off course" or "leagues beyond the mark."
*   **The "Tether" Logic:** The text mentions: *"The fifteen-foot rule was a legal relic."* 
    *   *Problem:* New readers or those jumping into Chapter 13 might forget the somatic pain of separation mentioned in Chapter 3.
    *   *Fix:* Briefly clarify that the physical agony of being apart has been replaced by the "background resonance" mentioned later.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Action Tag Economy:** 
    *   *Quote:* *"I said, stepping back to let him in. I gestured vaguely at the silver stays."* 
    *   *Suggestion:* Combine for better rhythm. "I stepped back, gesturing vaguely at the silver stays that refused to cooperate."
*   **Adverb Audit:**
    *   *Quote:* *"I gestured vaguely"* and *"evenly spaced."*
    *   *Suggestion:* "Vaguely" is a weak modifier. Use the noun/verb to carry the weight. "My hand cut an imprecise arc toward the silver stays."
*   **Word Choice (Economy):**
    *   *Quote:* *"The clinical mask didn't just slip—it shattered."*
    *   *Suggestion:* This is slightly cliché for a high-stakes moment. Consider: "The clinical mask didn’t slip; it dissolved into the raw, jagged heat of his stare."

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not Change Mira's use of "Obviously":** This is a established verbal tic that marks her impatience and should be preserved.
*   **Do Not Soften Dorian’s "Evidence suggests":** Even in a moment of passion, his brain defaults to logical frameworks. Removing this would homogenize his voice.
*   **Do Not Remove the "Grey" repetitive imagery:** The repetition of "charcoal," "mercury," and "slate" is an intentional stylistic choice to reinforce the school's new unified brand.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The POV slip in the final sentence from First Person ("I") to Third Person ("Mira") is a critical error that must be corrected before publication. Once the POV and the "miles" colloquialism are addressed, the chapter is ready for polish.