As Line Editor, my focus is on the rhythmic collision of fire and ice in this prose. The voice signatures are largely hitting their marks, but there are instances where the "heat" of the prose leads to some adjective-heavy congestion.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Mira’s Sensory Logic:** The description of the Emperor’s magic as "cloying, authoritative, and carrying an aftertaste of something she could only describe as *past and rot*" perfectly aligns with her tactile/smell-first character profile.
*   **Dorian’s Formal Understatement:** His use of "The evidence suggests the situation is suboptimal" (Line 104) is a textbook execution of his voice signature.
*   **The Physicality of the Tether:** The shift from external light to internal sensation—"a loneliness so profound it tasted like salt and iron"—is a strong, distinct beat that avoids generic "magic" descriptions.
*   **Mira's "Obviously" Sarcasm:** "It was—obviously—a brilliant idea. If the goal was to kill them both." This hits her specific voice tell perfectly.

**VOICE SIGNATURE CHECK:**
*   **Mira:** YES. Her "past and rot" and "stars' sake" markers are present.
*   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on "the evidence suggests" and "it is probable" is consistent.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Catalyst Inconsistency:** In the vault, Mira describes the sapphire catalyst as "a jagged shard of blue crystal" (Line 84). Later, on the bridge, she refers to it as "the technology of survival" and "the sapphire catalyst," but the ritual focuses almost entirely on the vellum and the dagger. 
    *   *Correction:* Clarify if the catalyst is physically integrated into the ritual or simply present. If she’s holding a "cold stone," the sensory bleed should arguably start the moment she touches it, or it should be the conduit for the blood.
*   **The Dagger Source:** Mira takes the sapphire catalyst out (Line 131), but then Dorian produces the dagger (Line 132). Mira then "took it" and slashed her palm before handing it back. 
    *   *Correction:* Ensure the hand-off of the freezing mercury-glass dagger is a distinct sensory beat, as Mira’s tactile nature would react violently to "absolute zero" steel before the blood-bond even begins.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Rotting Candy" vs. "Burnt Sugar":** The character-state RAG notes the Emperor's signature is "rotting candy/burnt sugar." The text uses "drying blood," "ozone," "burnt sugar," and "past and rot." 
    *   *Fix:* ORIGINAL: "shade of drying blood, and it smelled—disturbingly—of ozone and burnt sugar." → SUGGESTED: "shade of drying blood, and it smelled of ozone and that particular, cloying rot of burnt sugar." (Consolidate the metaphors so the "rot" is tied specifically to the sweetness).
*   **The Transition to the Bridge:** The jump from the vault to the bridge (marked by ***) is slightly jarring.
    *   *Fix:* Add a single sentence of travel or anticipation to bridge the volcanic heat of the Pyre to the chilling wind of the Crevasse.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS (Line Edits)
*   **Rhythmic Economy:** 
    *   ORIGINAL: "Mira didn't reach for the silver letter opener resting on her mahogany desk." 
    *   SUGGESTED: "Mira ignored the silver letter opener." 
    *   *Rationale:* Her character is action-oriented and verb-first. "Ignoring" is a more active character choice than "not reaching."
*   **Dialogue Tightening (Dorian):**
    *   ORIGINAL: "I do not have the luxury of protecting my school’s 'sovereignty' at the cost of the realm."
    *   SUGGESTED: "I lack the luxury of prioritizing sovereignty over the realm's survival."
    *   *Rationale:* "I do not have" is a bit common for Dorian; "I lack" or "Prioritizing" feels more like his "architecturally precise" voice.
*   **Adverb Audit:**
    *   ORIGINAL: "She immediately felt the sting of regret..."
    *   SUGGESTED: "Regret stung immediately..." or "The sting of regret followed..."
    *   *Rationale:* The adverb "immediately" is a weak modifier here. Let the regret be the subject.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not smooth Mira’s run-on sentences:** "I’ve spent ten years building the Pyre into something that doesn't rely on your Northern tithes. I’ve fought for every scrap of recognition we have..." (Line 121). This long, defensive venting is core to her voice.
*   **Do not remove Dorian’s "Suboptimal":** It is his primary emotional thermometer. Even if it sounds repetitive, it is a character tic.
*   **Do not change "Past and rot":** This is her specific "furious" scale marker.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**
(The logic surrounding the Sapphire Catalyst's role in the ritual versus the Vellum needs to be tightened to satisfy continuity, and the Emperor's scent profile needs to be unified for the "burning memory" payoff.)