To: Project Lead / Author
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review - ch-01: "The Imperial Decree"

The structure of this opening chapter is architecturally sound. We have a clear external **Want** (Mira needs to maintain Pyre sovereignty), a massive **Obstacle** (The Imperial Accord and the physical tethering to her rival), and a definitive **Outcome** (The successful—and agonizing—completion of the ritual). The sensory bleed at the end provides a high-stakes "hook" that justifies the transition into the next chapter.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Sensory Bleed:** The internal shift from Mira’s heat to Dorian’s "crushing, heavy silence" is a standout. The description of his loneliness tasting like "salt and iron" is a visceral emotional beat that earns the "Adult Romance" tag by violating internal boundaries rather than just physical ones.
*   **Voice Signature - Mira:** Her use of "obviously" to denote sarcasm (*"It was—obviously—a brilliant idea"*) and her physical, tactile observation of the Emperor's magic smelling of "past and rot" are perfectly aligned with her profile.
*   **Voice Signature - Dorian:** His "Formal Understatement Scale" is functioning well. Identifying the end of the world as "suboptimal" and the merger as "not auspicious" immediately establishes his character.
*   **Can I identify dialogue without tags?** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her short, punchy verbs and sarcastic "obviously" are distinct.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His "the evidence suggests" and grammatically rigid structure are unmistakable.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Proximity Error:** In the dialogue, Dorian states they must remain in "constant proximity." However, in the physical blocking of the scene, they are currently kneeling on the bridge. The narrative needs to clarify the *range* of this proximity immediately. If they are "tethered," can they ever go to their separate wings of a castle?
    *   **Correction:** Add a line during Dorian’s explanation of the "Soul-tether" indicating the maximum physical distance allowed before the agony begins (e.g., "The link holds for a league, but the further the stretch, the thinner the sanity.")
*   **The Chronology of the Waygate:** Mira mentions Dorian will be at the bridge in two hours because the Spire opened a "high-speed Waygate," yet she arrives first via "thermal-glide." If Dorian has instant travel and she doesn't, he should be the one waiting.
    *   **Correction:** Adjust the text to show Dorian already standing there, or explain that Mira used an experimental, dangerous thermal-burst to beat him there out of sheer spite.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Binary Star" Mechanic:** The chapter mentions they are "anchors" and "nodes," but the actual consequence of *not* being together is slightly vague.
    *   **Reference:** *"If the fire burns too hot without the ice to cool it, the shield shatters."*
    *   **Fix:** Clarify if this "shield" is a physical dome over the empire or a personal ward. A single sentence explaining that their combined mana *is* the only thing keeping the Starfall Drift from vaporizing the continent would raise the stakes.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Emotional Beat (Optional):** When Mira feels Dorian's "frantic, obsessive calculation," it would be powerful to have her briefly experience his *fear* of her fire. Not just the heat, but the loss of control it represents to an ice mage.
*   **Tactile Detail (Optional):** Since Mira "touches things to understand them," have her run her hand over the obsidian bridge's surface to feel the vibration of the Starfall storm before Dorian arrives.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT smooth Dorian's dialogue:** His stiff, overly-formal "the evidence suggests" might feel clunky to a general editor, but it is his non-negotiable voice signature. Do not make him sound "more natural."
*   **Do NOT remove Mira's interruptions:** Her habit of cutting herself off (*"We could — actually. No. Yes."*) is vital for her "Verb-First" energy.
*   **Do NOT clarify the "Past and Rot" scent:** It is an intentional world-building mystery. We don't need to know *why* the Emperor smells like that yet.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The chapter is strong, but the **Continuity** issues regarding the range of the proximity tether and the travel-time logic of the Waygate are structural weaknesses that will confuse readers in Chapter 2. Once the physical rules of the "tether" are defined and the arrival timing is tightened, this is a Pass.