**1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE**

*   **Mira’s Voice Signature:** The use of "Actually. No." as a self-interruption (e.g., *"Obviously," I snapped... "It feels like—actually. No. It feels like the sky is orbing around a void"*) and the specific curse "Past and rot" effectively anchor her to her established profile.
*   **Dorian’s Voice Signature:** His use of "suboptimal" and "the circumstances are... not auspicious" (line: *"The circumstances are... not auspicious for travel"*) perfectly aligns with his formal understatement scale.
*   **Tactile Sensations:** The description of the shared silence tasting like "woodsmoke and copper" and Dorian’s touch as a "shock of absolute zero" maintains the established sensory-heavy prose style.
*   **Character Voice Identification:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her shorter, action-oriented, and self-interrupting sentences are distinct.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His clinical, evidence-based phrasing ("The evidence suggests...", "utilizing the 'Severance Gambit'") is unmistakable.

**2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY**

*   **FLAG:** This chapter names the deceased proctor as "Kaelen" and Mira calls him her "brother." 
    *   **Contradiction:** Chapter 8 text says "He was my brother, Dorian!" but Chapter 4 (per RAG context) and the [character-state] archive establish Kaelen as a proctor/colleague whose sacrifice was an emotional shield. No prior chapter established a biological or "brother" relationship. 
    *   **Correction:** Revert to the established professional/mentor relationship or explicitly frame "brother" as a metaphorical term of endearment to avoid a retcon of Mira's backstory.
*   **FLAG:** The text states Mira realizes the Ministry murdered Kaelen to test the tether.
    *   **Contradiction:** Chapter 4 established Kaelen died during the stabilization of the Obsidian Bridge collapse when his mana-wells turned to steam. Chapter 8 now claims the Ministry "intentionally inverted the polarity." While a plot twist, Dorian says "I saw the Severance Key schematics in the Spire vault a month ago."
    *   **Correction:** Chapter 7 established Dorian *just* discovered his family built the breach. Having him know about the Severance Key a month ago contradicts his Chapter 7/8 "Active Obligations" and "Known Secrets" where he is only just becoming "intellectually radicalized." He should discover the Key's true purpose *now* or via the archives, not a month ago.
*   **FLAG:** Dorian’s Surname.
    *   **Contradiction:** The Chapter Header/Text uses "Dorian Thorne" and "Chancellor Solas."
    *   **Correction:** The Project Description and [character-state] archive establish him as **Dorian Solas**. "Thorne" is an unauthorized name intrusion. Use "Solas" exclusively.

**3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY**

*   **The Archive Transition:** The transition from the observation cell to the archives is too abrupt.
    *   **Passage:** *"The glass didn't shatter; it simply dissolved into sand. We slipped into the shadows of the shaft..."* 
    *   **Fix:** Briefly describe the physical navigation of the "central shaft" mentioned earlier. It’s unclear if they are climbing, floating, or sneaking past guards that were just established as forming a "perimeter."
*   **The Ending Realization:** The final line ("it had just finished its first meal") is metaphorically heavy but mechanically vague.
    *   **Passage:** *"It was the realization that the tether wasn't just a bond anymore. It was a hunger. And it had just finished its first meal."*
    *   **Fix:** Clarify what was "eaten." If the tether consumed Malchor’s dampening field, their exhaustion, or their individual identities, provide a sensory cue (e.g., a sudden surge of strength or the disappearance of the "Grey" fatigue).

**4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS**

*   (Optional) Enhance Malchor’s dialogue to lean more into the "Correction" terminology established in the [character-state] RAG, rather than just "harvest."
*   (Optional) Mention the "silver-black clouds" covering 75% of the horizon to align with the "Active World Events" in the RAG data.

**5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS**

*   **Do NOT** smooth out Mira’s "Actually. No." interruptions; these are core voice markers.
*   **Do NOT** remove Dorian’s "The evidence suggests"; this is his primary diagnostic tool.
*   **Do NOT** alter the "Grey" terminology; it is the established permanent state of their merged mana.

**6. VERDICT**

**REVISE**  
(Major flags regarding Dorian’s surname, his prior knowledge of the Severance Key, and the sudden "brother" retcon for Kaelen must be resolved to maintain canon integrity.)