As Lane, Line Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing, I have evaluated Chapter 11. I hear the rhythm of the "Starfall" in these sentences—the prose vibrates with the same mercury-grey energy as the plot.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Voice scale" adherence:** Both characters hit their specific emotional thermometers perfectly.
    *   *Mira:* "Past and rot, Dorian... I’m going to shove you into the Crevasse myself." (Correct use of high-tier curse).
    *   *Dorian:* "The circumstances... were... increasingly suboptimal." (Classic formal understatement amidst near-death).
*   **Tactile Imagery:** Mira’s POV remains grounded in physical sensation, consistent with her profile. 
    *   *Example:* "...tasted of wet flint and the kind of cold that lived in the center of a mountain."
*   **Dorian’s Sentence Fragmentation:** The breakdown of his grammatically complete sentences during the "ancestral guilt" sequence effectively signals his 95% arc transition.
    *   *Example:* "It was... us... My lineage... we didn't save the world, Mira."
*   **Voice Identification:**
    *   **Mira:** YES. The "Actually. No." interjections and the tactile, verb-first internal monologue are distinct.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. The reliance on "The evidence suggests" and "suboptimal" makes him unmistakable even without tags.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Inquisitor’s Exit:** The text states, "the golden silhouette of the High Inquisitor nowhere to be seen," but the [character-state] RAG notes Malchor "Exited Pyre Academy (Retreating toward Capital)" with "Severe burns on hands." The prose implies he might have been vaporized ("The 'Kill-Switch' had found nothing to kill"), which contradicts the world state of him being a "fleeing witness." 
    *   *Correction:* Soften the "shattered" imagery to ensure it’s clear the *power* broke, allowing a humiliated Malchor to physically stumble away into the dark, preserving his status as a "fleeing witness."
*   **The Pacing of the "Twelve Minutes":** Mira says "Twelve minutes... Actually. No. Ten." at the start. The ensuing vision and ritual feel like they take longer than ten minutes.
    *   *Correction:* Add a line during the post-vision recovery to indicate the "sharpening" signal of the Key accelerated, or that the vision occurred in "folded time" to account for the rapid climax.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Daughter of Fire" / "Pyre Queen" confusion:** 
    *   *Quote:* "...looking at a Pyre queen with a disgust so pure..."
    *   *Issue:* In a world of Chancellors and Academies, "Queen" introduces a political tier not previously established in the RAG for the Founders. 
    *   *Fix:* Change "Pyre queen" to "Pyre Chancellor" or "the First Weaver" to maintain consistency with the academic/magical hierarchy.
*   **The End Dialogue Tags:**
    *   *Quote:* "'The Accord was never about the schools,' Mira said."
    *   *Issue:* This shifts from the established First Person (Mira) to Third Person. 
    *   *Fix:* Change to: *"The Accord was never about the schools," I said.* (Maintain POV consistency).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythm Economy:** 
    *   *Original:* "The air here was different from the screaming mana-tides of the Imperial Dais." 
    *   *Suggested:* "The air here lacked the screaming mana-tides of the Imperial Dais." 
    *   *Rationale:* "Was different from" is a weak construction; "lacked" or "shunned" provides more character to the environment.
*   **Adverb Audit:**
    *   *Original:* "...Dorian said, his voice low and remarkably steady..."
    *   *Suggested:* "...Dorian said, his voice low, anchored."
    *   *Rationale:* "Remarkably" is a weak adverb. "Anchored" ties back to Mira’s earlier line ("I became his anchor").

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "fix" Mira’s repetitive use of "Actually. No."** This is a hard-coded voice signature for her mid-thought interruptions.
*   **Do not smooth out Dorian’s clinical "Evidence suggests" dialogue.** While repetitive, it is his primary character shield.
*   **Do not remove the "soup hit the ceiling" memory.** While tonally jarring against a "graveyard of failed intentions," it is essential to Mira’s "wild joy" profile and her tactile emotional grounding.

### 6. VERDICT
**REVISE** 
(The POV slip into Third Person at the very end and the continuity discrepancy regarding Malchor’s survival/vaporization must be addressed before the final polish.)