As Lane, Line Editor, I’ve listened to this draft. The rhythm is generally strong, but there are a few "static" notes—typos and word choices that stumble over the adult romantic fantasy tone we are cultivating.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Scorched Cuff" Motif:** The visual of the "jagged black line against the pristine white fabric" is an excellent physical manifestation of the power dynamic. It works as a noun-driven anchor for Dorian’s internal conflict.
*   **Tactile Sensations:** "Ozone and singed wool" vs. "biting frost." These sensory anchors effectively establish the elemental friction.
*   **Voice Distinctions:** 
    *   **Mira:** Pointed, defensive, and practical. Her dialogue ("The Spire students need the western wing") reflects her role as a fire mage constantly trying to contain herself. 
    *   **Dorian:** Staccato, haunted, and more abstract. His repetition of "Stable" reveals his unraveling.
    *   **Can I identify voices without tags?** YES. Mira’s sharp practicality contrasts sharply with Dorian’s shell-shocked brevity.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **Chapter Number Discrepancy:** The Project Context identifies this as Chapter 3 (Ch-03) state, but the prompt labels the chapter as Ch-14. 
    *   *Correction:* Reconcile the chapter numbering. Given the "Starfall Drift" timeline (one week remains), this fits the pace of an early chapter (Ch-03) rather than a late-climax chapter (Ch-14).
*   **Dorian’s Burn:** In the Project Context, Dorian has a "minor thermal burn on right hand." In the text, he is staring at his "right hand, curled into a loose fist" but the text says "The skin of his knuckles was flushed." 
    *   *Correction:* Ensure the text specifically acknowledges the *healing* or *sensitivity* of the burn mentioned in the character state to maintain tissue-continuity.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **Grammar/Typos:** 
    *   "There was something fascinations and terrifying..." 
    *   *Correction:* Change to "fascinating."
    *   "They’re been sent..." 
    *   *Correction:* Change to "They've" or "They have."
*   **Spatial Logic:** Mira steps into his "personal space to retrieve the map," yet in the final paragraph, Dorian’s hand is "hovering inches from hers." 
    *   *Correction:* Clarify the proximity. If she already retrieved the map, she would likely be pulling away or anchored. The transition between the desk and the "binary star" tension needs a clearer physical beat.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The ink was still fresh, but the parchment felt like a shared confession between them." → **SUGGESTED:** "The ink was still wet, but the parchment felt like a shared confession."
    *   *Rationale:* Rhythm. "Still fresh" is a bit cliché; "still wet" emphasizes the immediacy and the somatic heat Mira provides.
*   **ORIGINAL:** "...her voice a model of professional impatience." → **SUGGESTED:** "...her voice a blade of professional impatience."
    *   *Rationale:* "Model" is a weak noun in a scene defined by elemental sharp edges.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not remove the soup/blizzard reference in the context.** While it sounds absurd, it establishes the "tribalism" of the student body.
*   **Do not "soften" Mira’s snapping at Lyra.** This irritability is a core symptom of her "residual somatic warmth" and fatigue.
*   **Do not fix the "binary star" metaphor.** While "two bodies locked in an orbit" is a common trope, it is specifically established as a "stability" metric in the world-state.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The chapter requires a quick pass to fix the "fascinations" and "They're been" typos, and a minor adjustment to the physical blocking to ensure the reader knows exactly where their hands are in relation to the map and each other. Once the grammar and chapter-numbering are aligned, it is a strong, atmospheric piece.