As Line Editor, I have audited the prose for rhythm, economy, and voice consistency. The tension in this chapter is palpable, and the "Grey" resonance provides a unique auditory texture to the descriptions.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Mira’s Tactile Voice:** The prose successfully anchors in her physical sensations. *“The shared silence in our heads tasted like woodsmoke and copper”* and *“My lungs felt like they had been scrubbed with volcanic ash”* are excellent examples of her "tactile-first" profile.
*   **Dorian’s Formal Understatement:** Dorian’s escalation of formality as a stress response is perfectly executed.
    *   *“Your cardiovascular rhythm is... suboptimal”* (Minor stress).
    *   *“The circumstances are... not auspicious for travel”* (Serious problem).
    *   *“The situation requires our immediate and undivided attention”* (Life-threatening).
*   **The "Mira Interrupt":** The use of *"Actually. No."* as a mid-sentence pivot (e.g., *“It feels like—actually. No. It feels like the sky is orbing around a void”*) feels authentic to her established verbal tics.
*   **Dialogue Distinction:**
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her speech is punchy, uses the "past and rot" thermometer accurately, and maintains a verb-first orientation.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on "The evidence suggests" and grammatically complete sentences remains constant until the archive breakdown.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Last Name Inconsistency:**
    *   **Error:** The Project Description and Character State list him as **Dorian Solas**. However, the Voice Profile block (and one instance in the text) calls him **Dorian Thorne**.
    *   **Correction:** Change all instances of "Thorne" to "Solas" to match the established character state and the High Inquisitor's dialogue (*"Chancellor Solas"*).
*   **Mana-Reserve Tracking:**
    *   **Error:** Dorian states they are at "12% mana-reserve" during the march. Later, Mira begins to smoke parchment and threatens to "burn this entire palace to the ground."
    *   **Correction:** Add a line in the archive scene acknowledging that the "Grey" resonance is drawing from a different, untapped well, otherwise the 12% limit makes her physical fire-starting a continuity break from the previous "metabolic collapse" warning.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Archive Transition:**
    *   **Passage:** *"We slipped into the shadows of the shaft, moving like smoke. The Ministry Archives were a labyrinth..."*
    *   **Problem:** We go from dissolving a glass window in a high-security bunker to "moving like smoke" through the archives with no mention of guards, alarms, or the physical distance between the cell and the restricted archives.
    *   **Fix:** Add one sentence explaining how they avoided immediate detection (e.g., using the mana-dampening lead of the walls to mask their own signatures).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythmic Polish (ORIGINAL):** *"The silver-black clouds didn't move; they pulsed, a rhythmic contraction that mirrored the frantic beating of my own heart against the Imperial stone."*
    *   **SUGGESTION:** *"The silver-black clouds didn't move; they pulsed—a rhythmic contraction that mirrored the frantic hammer of my heart against the Imperial stone."*
    *   **Rationale:** "Frantic beating... against stone" is slightly clunky. "Hammer" provides a harder, more rhythmic beat to match the "pulsing" imagery.
*   **Adverb Audit (ORIGINAL):** *"Dorian murmured, though the vertical line between his brows told a different story."*
    *   **SUGGESTION:** Delete "murmured." Use: *"The resonance is... stabilizing," Dorian said, though the vertical line...*
    *   **Rationale:** Dorian's voice signature is precise. The "vertical line" already does the heavy lifting for the emotion; the speech tag should stay neutral.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "smooth out" Mira’s curses:** Phrases like "Past and rot" and "stars' sake" must remain as they are the reader's primary way to measure her internal temperature.
*   **Do not correct Dorian's "The evidence suggests":** While repetitive, this is his non-negotiable voice signature.
*   **Do not remove the "Actually. No." tics:** These are essential to her "excited/interrupted" profile.
*   **Do not fix the "incomplete sentences" in the final confrontation:** Dorian's breakdown (*"I thought... I thought if I played their game"*) is a deliberate break in his grammar to signal he has "cracked," as per the Voice Profile.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
A **REVISE** is required due to the Solas/Thorne surname inconsistency and the need to bridge the "12% mana" limitation with the sudden display of power in the archives. Once the "Grey" resonance is explicitly identified as the reason they are bypassing their exhaustion, the logic will hold.