**1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE**

*   **Dorian’s Voice Signature (Formal Understatement):** The line *"The circumstances are not auspicious"* perfectly aligns with his established scale for a serious problem.
*   **Mira’s Voice Signature (Sarcastic 'Obviously'):** Mira’s use of *"The students are just blowing off steam. Obviously,"* correctly utilizes her sarcasm tell.
*   **The "Binary Star" Manifestation:** The physical description of the spell—*"They birthed a Paradox"*—maintains the high-stakes magical theory established in the Project Description.
*   **Thermal/Somatic Tension:** The tactile description of the "thumb-print" on the cuff and the skin-to-skin "manual recharge" at the end of the chapter effectively builds the slow-burn/sensual requirement of the brief.

**VOICE CHECK:**
*   **Mira:** YES. Her dialogue is verb-first and action-oriented (*"I’ll blast the pocket! I’ll burn it out!"*).
*   **Dorian:** YES. His syntax remains grammatically complete and precise until the very end, where exhaustion forces a rare fragment (*"Must... stay close"*).

**2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY**

*   **Naming Contradiction:** This chapter calls the Ice Mage **Dorian Thorne**. However, the [character-state] RAG database for Chapter 4 explicitly establishes him as **Dorian Solas**.
    *   *Correction:* Change all instances of "Thorne" to "Solas" to match the established canon. 
*   **Location/Timeline Error:** The [character-state] RAG database lists the location of Ch-04 as the **Sparring Arena Floor** (post-disaster), but the opening of this text places Dorian in the **Chancellor’s Sanctum** "calculating" before the event occurs. 
    *   *Correction:* Ensure the narrative flow acknowledges that the "Arena Disaster" is a flashback or that the RAG state reflects the *climax* of the chapter, not the start.
*   **Interaction Inconsistency:** The [character-state] RAG database says Dorian/Mira somatic threshold limits are UNRESOLVED, but the end of this chapter establishes a "biological imperative" and a "manual recharge."
    *   *Correction:* Update the World State to reflect that the "threshold" has been crossed and is now a "State of Necessity."
*   **Spelling/Terminology:** The RAG database refers to the **Mercury-Glass** sensor. The text uses "Mercury-Glass" mostly, but occasionally slips into "mercury-glass" (lowercase). 
    *   *Correction:* Standardize to capitalized "Mercury-Glass" as it is a specific magical artifact.

**3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY**

*   **The Transition:** The jump from the Sanctum (night/dawn) to the Arena happens very quickly. 
    *   *Passage:* *"At dawn, the air in the hallway was already thick..."*
    *   *Fix:* Add one transitional sentence clarifying if Dorian actually slept or if he spent the entire night "calculating" and walked straight to the arena.
*   **The "Correction Clause":** This is mentioned as a threat in the final paragraph, but the readers haven't had the specific "Clause" explained in the text yet.
    *   *Fix:* Briefly define that the Correction Clause is a Ministry-mandated shutdown/execution protocol when the Chancellors lose control.

**4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS**

*   **Mira’s Curse Scale (Optional):** While Mira uses "obviously," she doesn't use any of her tiered curses (*stars' sake, burning memory, past and rot*). Adding a *"Stars' sake, Dorian, just let them fight"* would solidify her voice profile.
*   **Dorian’s Academic Voice (Optional):** Using the phrase *"the evidence suggests"* during his argument with Mira about the "soup and blizzard" incident would further align him with his Voice Profile guidelines.

**5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS**

*   **Dialogue Fragments:** Do NOT "fix" Dorian’s stuttering/fragmented speech at the end (*"Must... stay close"*). This is a vital "emotional tell" established in the Voice Profile for when his armor is cracked.
*   **Metaphor Density:** Do not reduce the "lens and battery" metaphors. These are established world-building mechanics.
*   **Pacing:** The suddenness of the Starfall breach is intentional; it reflects the "accelerating" nature of the Drift. Do not slow it down.

**6. VERDICT**

**REVISE**
(Specifically due to the **Dorian Thorne vs. Dorian Solas** surname contradiction and the standardization of **Mercury-Glass**.)