This is Lane. I’ve heard this chapter, and it has the right resonance, but the "static" from the Ministry is muddying the prose in the middle. We have some strong character beats, but Dorian’s voice slips into a "Standard Protagonist" register during the climax, which we need to dial back to his established clinical distance to make the emotional crack hit harder.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Mira’s Tactile Voice:** The passage "She pressed her palm over his heart... wove her warmth into the capillaries" perfectly captures her "touch to understand" profile.
*   **The Somatic Bleed:** The descriptions of shared sensory input are visceral and distinct. "Mira felt it in her teeth. A low-frequency hum..."
*   **Mira’s Verbal Tics:** The use of "Obviously" to mean the opposite and the self-interrupting "Actually. No." are well-integrated into the internal monologue and dialogue.
*   **Voice Differentiation:** 
    *   **Mira:** **YES.** Her use of "Past and rot" and her tactile-first observations are consistent.
    *   **Dorian:** **PARTIAL.** He starts strong with "suboptimal" and "auspicious," but loses his signature in the vault.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Inquisitor's Name:** The Character State RAG identifies the antagonist as **High Inquisitor Malchor**, but the chapter text occasionally refers to him as "The High Inquisitor" or just "Malchor" without consistent titling.
    *   *Correction:* Ensure first mention in the scene uses the full title, then maintain "Malchor" for Mira’s POV to show her lack of respect. 
*   **The "Cold-Sick" Physicality:** In the RAG, Dorian has "significant lung congestion." In the text, he goes from "rattling cough" to "standing tall" very quickly after the Loom integration. 
    *   *Correction:* Add a line describing the literal sensation of the crystalline buildup dissolving or being "sublimated" by the Grey resonance so the recovery isn't a hand-wave.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Transition to the Vault:** "The stone didn't grind; it dissolved. They slipped inside... Darkness took them." This transition is too fast. 
    *   *Fix:* Give us one sentence of the physical sensation of the wall knitting—does it feel like a temperature drop or a pressure change?
*   **The "Digital" Metaphor:** "A monitoring tether. A digital leash." 
    *   *Fix:* This is a high-fantasy/steampunky setting. "Digital" feels like a Fourth Wall break. Change to "A thrumming leash" or "An Aethereal leash."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Dorian’s Climax Dialogue:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "You are everything, Mira."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "The evidence suggests... that you have become the only relevant variable."
    *   *RATIONALE:* For Dorian, admitting she is the "only relevant variable" is the equivalent of a normal man screaming "I love you" from a rooftop. It stays in his voice while hitting the emotional beat.
*   **The "Extraordinary" Payoff:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "The evidence suggests he was a man of extraordinary foresight..."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "Kaelen was... extraordinary. His foresight was merely the logical conclusion of his character."
    *   *RATIONALE:* The Voice Profile says Dorian only uses "extraordinary" for things that matter deeply. Applying it to Kaelen here validates Mira’s grief.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not smooth Mira’s "Obviously" usage.** It is intentionally abrasive and serves as her primary shield.
*   **Do not remove Dorian’s "suboptimal" or "the evidence suggests."** These are not repetitive errors; they are his personality.
*   **Do not "fix" the sentence fragments during the Loom integration.** Mira’s voice profile dictates that she breaks syntax when excited or overwhelmed.

### 6. VERDICT: POLISH NEEDED

**Line-Level Suggestion Example:**
*   ORIGINAL: *"Mira didn’t pull away. She couldn't—actually. No. She wouldn't."* 
*   SUGGESTED: *"Mira didn't pull away. She couldn't—actually, no. She wouldn't."*
*   RATIONALE: Minor punctuation tweak to ensure the rhythm of her self-correction mirrors a heartbeat.

**Line-Level Suggestion Example:**
*   ORIGINAL: *"Stop fighting the cough, Dorian. You’re going to crack a rib."*
*   SUGGESTED: *"Stop fighting it. You’ll crack a rib."*
*   RATIONALE: Mira uses verb-first, short declarative sentences when focused. Cutting the name and the filler "the cough" makes her sound more urgent and in-character.

**VERDICT: REVISE** (Mainly for Dorian's voice drift in the vault and the "digital" word choice).