### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Mira’s Voice Signature (Self-Correction/Tactile):** The use of her "Actually. No." interruption pattern is perfectly executed. 
    *   *Passage:* "We need to move. Actually. No. You need to move." and "We solve this. Actually. No. We don't just solve it. We rewrite it."
    *   *Tactile focus:* "Magic for me has always been a tactile language. I don't see equations; I feel textures." This anchors her POV as per her profile.
*   **Dorian’s Voice Signature (Formal Understatement/Grammatical Breakdown):** The transition from his clinical "Formal Understatement Scale" to broken sentences is the emotional heartbeat of the chapter.
    *   *Passage:* "The... the logistical requirements of a dignified exit are... currently being processed." 
    *   *Word Choice:* Using "suboptimal" to describe the lighting and "not auspicious" to describe his soul keeps him perfectly in character until the final confession.
*   **The "Baseline" Payoff:** The dialogue "I didn't save the Chancellor. I saved... the only thing that makes me feel like I’m alive" serves as a direct emotional payoff to his "Baseline" outburst in Chapter 6.
*   **Opening Hook:** "Inauspicious was a word for a spilled glass of wine... but Dorian said it as if he were cataloging the ruins of his own soul." This immediately establishes the gravity of the aftermath.

**Voice Check:**
- **Mira:** YES. (Uses "stars' sake," "past and rot," "obviously" as sarcasm, and her self-interruptions).
- **Dorian:** YES. (Uses "evidence suggests," "probable," and specifically breaks grammar only when Mira is the focus).

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY

*   **The Bolt's Location:** At the start of the scene, the silver bolt is "still humming... in the floorboards" of the Great Hall. Later, inside the Archives, Dorian says "I... I have it" and pulls it from his pocket.
    *   *The Error:* There is no beat where Dorian or Mira actually retrieves the bolt from the floor while exiting the hall under the gaze of the students.
    *   *The Correction:* Add a single line during their exit where Dorian stoops to retrieve the bolt, or Mira uses a quick flick of fire-telakinesis to snatch it before they leave the Hall.
*   **Kaelen’s Visibility:** Mira sees Kaelen in a service tunnel hatch and thinks, "I couldn't risk Dorian seeing him, not yet." However, they are walking "arm around his waist" to keep him from toppling.
    *   *The Error:* It is physically improbable for Dorian—even in a daze—not to notice a man staring out of a hatch in a narrow service tunnel when they are walking in tandem. 
    *   *The Correction:* Clarify that Dorian’s head was bowed or his eyes were closed in a "rhythmic hitch" of mana-exhaustion during that specific ten-foot stretch of the tunnel.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY

*   **The Weave of Ages Logic:** Dorian states the archives are "curated" and the Ministry wanted a "singular, controllable asset." 
    *   *The Problem:* If the Ministry "curated" the archives, why is the most damning evidence (The Weave of Ages) sitting in a "restricted alcove" that Dorian can access easily during a crisis?
    *   *The Fix:* Add a brief mention that this specific volume was hidden behind a "blood-seal" or a "cipher" that only a Chancellor of Solas's lineage could unlock, explaining why the Ministry inspectors haven't burned it yet.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **The Kaelen Interaction (Optional):** Kaelen puts a finger to his lips. Since he is emaciated and dying of mana-vein scarring, perhaps emphasize the *physical* cost of that movement—a tremor or the scent of ozone—to heighten the stakes of his survival.
*   **Physical Distance (Optional):** In the final beat, Mira says "I wanted to kiss him... But I didn't." To heighten the slow-burn, consider having her hand brush the frost on his sleeve, causing a tiny 'static' pop of mana to remind the reader of the "Somatic Sync" danger they just discovered.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do NOT "smooth out" Dorian's stuttering in the Archives.** His "The... the breach of decorum" and "I... I have it" are vital indicators that his clinical mask is off. They are not errors; they are the character's emotional "nakedness."
*   **Do NOT remove Mira’s use of "Obviously."** Even when she is terrified, her sarcasm is her shield. "Obviously, the emergency lamps are... suboptimal" is quintessential Mira.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The emotional arc is a masterclass in building tension and delivering a confession that feels earned. However, the **Continuity** error regarding the bolt (from the floor to Dorian's pocket without a transition) and the **Clarity** issue regarding why the Ministry left the "suicide pact" book in the library must be addressed to maintain the "Architectural" integrity of the world-building. Once the bolt retrieval is mentioned and the book's presence is justified, this chapter is a cornerstone of the series.