As Lane, Line Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing, I have audited Chapter 4. The rhythmic pulse of the "Binary Star" resonance is well-captured, but there are technical glitches in character death continuity and dialogue economy that require immediate intervention.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Binary Star" Rhythm:** The prose successfully mimics the magical interference. *“The 'Binary Star' resonance was no longer a theoretical threat; it was a rhythmic, intrusive pulse...”* This establishes the somatic stakes early.
*   **Dorian’s Decompensation:** His voice signature shifts perfectly from clinical to fragmented as the crisis peaks. ORIGINAL: *"The... the situation is... extreme," Dorian whispered, his voice cracking...* This adheres to the non-negotiable rule that he only loses grammar when his armor is cracked.
*   **Mira’s Tactile Processing:** The description of her touching Dorian’s knuckles (*“her thumb pressing unintentionally hard against the red knuckles”*) and later skidding on the basalt reinforces her tactile-first character profile.
*   **Voice Identification:**
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her mid-sentence interruptions ("Actually—no.") and her specific curse scale ("Stars' sake," "Past and rot") are distinct and consistent.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His use of "suboptimal," "inauspicious," and "the evidence suggests" makes his dialogue identifiable even without tags.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Kaelen Paradox:** The Chapter 4 World State and Character State explicitly state: **"Kaelen — DECEASED (Ch04): Died standing on the central span of the Obsidian Bridge... during the Paradox collapse."** However, in this draft, Kaelen appears at the end of the Arena disaster to carry Aric's body. 
    *   **Correction:** Kaelen cannot be present. Another character (perhaps Elara or a generic Pyre Proctor) must take Aric's body. Kaelen is already dead from the Bridge collapse mentioned in the RAG context.
*   **The Final Sentence Subject:** The last line of the chapter says: *"His weight was nothing like she expected—cold and precise, even in unconsciousness..."* The previous paragraph establishes Dorian holding Mira. This line suggests she is now holding an unconscious Dorian, but there was no transition for him losing consciousness. 
    *   **Correction:** Clarify if Dorian has collapsed, or if this line is a vestige of a different scene. If he is holding her, the "weight" being "cold and precise" should refer to his embrace, not his unconsciousness.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **Technical Redundancy:** 
    *   *“Actually, they weren't just trembling, they were humming.”* 
    *   *“Actually, they were more of a singed charcoal today.”* 
    *   *“Actually. No. She didn't just look.”*
    *   **Fix:** Mira uses "Actually" three times in the first half as a corrective thought. While it's her "excited" voice signature, using it as a sentence starter three times in close proximity feels like a rhythmic stutter rather than a character trait. Remove the second instance (the charcoal robes) to keep the device impactful.
*   **Dialogue Tags with Adverbs:**
    *   *"Mira snapped, pacing the narrow space..."* (The "snapping" is evident in the dialogue; use a stronger verb or a neutral tag).
    *   *"Dorian whispered, his fingers curling slightly..."* (Whispered is fine, "slightly" is a weak adverb).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Dialogue Tightening:** 
    *   ORIGINAL: *"The safety lattices are... insufficient, Mira," Dorian said... "To proceed with the primary demonstration is... suboptimal."*
    *   SUGGESTED: *"The safety lattices are... insufficient. To proceed is... suboptimal."* 
    *   RATIONALE: Dorian is a man of "no wasted words." Addressing her by name and using "primary demonstration" feels slightly too "villain monologue" for a high-stress moment. 
*   **Noun Strength:**
    *   ORIGINAL: *"A surge bolt—a jagged, impossible rib of raw kinetic energy..."*
    *   SUGGESTED: *"A surge bolt—a jagged rib of raw kinetic energy..."*
    *   RATIONALE: "Impossible" is a weak adjective that tells rather than shows. The "jagged rib" already provides the visual.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "smooth out" Dorian's fragmented speech at the end.** Though it reads as "broken," it is a vital indicator of his 40% arc progression where he prioritizes Mira over protocol.
*   **Do not remove Mira's non-apology.** Her screaming for a medic instead of saying "I'm sorry" to Aric is central to her "I fix things" persona.
*   **Do not standardize the magic terminology.** "Grey frequency," "Binary Star resonance," and "Structured Burn" should remain as established.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The Kaelen continuity error is a "blocker"—he cannot be dead on the Bridge and also walking through the Arena. Fix the death timeline and the ambiguous final sentence to ensure a clean transition to Chapter 5.