**DETECTOR REPORT: THE STARFALL ACCORD (CH-01)**
**EDITOR: DEVON (DEVELOPMENTAL)**

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Opening Hook:** The sensory detail of "ozone and burnt sugar" combined with the visual of the "drying blood" seal immediately establishes the high-stakes, Imperial pressure.
*   **Voice Accuracy (Mira):** The interruption of her own thought process—*"We could—actually. No. Stars' sake..."*—perfectly aligns with her non-negotiable voice profile. Her use of "obviously" to denote sarcasm (*"Obviously, that would be a brilliant career move"*) is correctly applied.
*   **Voice Accuracy (Dorian):** His use of "suboptimal" to describe the end of the world is a pitch-perfect execution of his formal understatement scale.
*   **Structural Want/Obstacle:** The chapter clearly defines the external want (saving the Academy/realm from the Starfall) and the internal obstacle (the visceral loathing/distrust of the rival school). 
*   **Closing Cliffhanger:** The transition from Dorian’s "architecturally precise" composure to the internal realization of his fear, transmitted through the tether, provides a strong emotional hook for Chapter 2.

**Voice Signature Verification:**
*   **Mira:** YES. Identified via internal mid-sentence pivots and tactile descriptions ("smell of singed wool," "boots clicking").
*   **Dorian:** YES. Identified via precise, clinical syntax ("statistically improbable gamble") and grammatically complete sentences.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Bridge Encounter:** In the sanctum, Mira says Dorian will be waiting at the bridge "in two hours." Later, Kaelen says the Spire opened the Waygate "an hour ago." Mira then says she has "ninety minutes" to reach the bridge. However, when she arrives via "thermal-glide" to cross "in record time," the dialogue implies she is late. 
    *   **FIX:** Standardize the countdown. If she has 90 minutes and travels in record time, she shouldn't be late unless Dorian's definition of "on time" is arriving an hour early. Adjust his line "You're late" to "You’re precisely on time, which for you, is a functional delay."
*   **The Proctor’s Name:** In the Business Plan/Character State, the proctor is "Kaelen." In the drafted text, he is "Kaelen Thorne." In one specific line, the text says "Dorian Thorne" (which blends the rival's first name with the proctor's last).
    *   **FIX:** Ensure the rival is **Dorian Solas** and the proctor is **Kaelen Thorne** throughout. Remove the "Dorian Thorne" error.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Physicality of the Tether:** In the final beats, the text says "Mira slumped forward," and "her knees gave way," but then says she "moved to push herself up." It’s unclear if she is on the ground, kneeling, or falling.
    *   **FIX:** Clarify the physical positioning during the sensory bleed. State explicitly that the feedback loop forced them both to their knees to ensure the reader can visualize the shared collapse.
*   **The "Blood-Bond" Parchment:** Does the parchment stay on the bridge? Does someone take it?
    *   **FIX:** Add one sentence indicating Mira or Dorian secures the glowing Accord after the light fades. It is a powerful magical artifact now; leaving it on a windy bridge is a security risk.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **The "Lobotomy" Metaphor (Optional):** The term "lobotomy" feels slightly clinical/modern compared to the "Aetheric Firmament" and "Volcanic Reach." 
    *   **SUGGESTION:** If the author wants to maintain the fantasy immersion, consider "It was a soul-shearing" or "It was a vivisection," though "lobotomy" does effectively convey the loss of school identity.
*   **Kaelen’s Exit (Optional):** Kaelen's threat about "picking the lock" is strong, but we don't see Mira's reaction to her most trusted proctor essentially abandoning her emotionally.
    *   **SUGGESTION:** Add a half-second of Mira feeling the "chill" of his words before she leaves for the bridge.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "smooth out" Mira’s run-on sentences.** When she says, *"I don't care if t—"* and cuts off, or when she rants to Kaelen, the lack of "neat" dialogue is an intentional voice signature for her emotional state.
*   **Do not make Dorian "warmer."** His detachment ("the circumstances are not auspicious") is the baseline. Any warmth must be earned over several chapters.
*   **Repeated "Scent" markers:** The use of scent (ozone, burnt sugar, cedarwood) is a specific Mira trait (tactile/sensory first). Do not edit these out for "word variety."

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
**REASON:** Must resolve the "time/late" continuity error on the bridge and the "Dorian Thorne" name slip-up. Once these logic/continuity fixes are applied, the chapter is structurally sound and the voice work is exceptional.