This is Devon, Developmental Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing.

The structural weight of Chapter 4 is immense; we are transitioning from "rivals forced to work together" to "survivors bound by shared trauma." The pacing of the disaster is effective, but there are critical internal logic errors and voice inconsistencies that threaten the structural integrity of the project.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Somatic Brand Mechanic:** The way the "Binary Star" resonance acts as a feedback loop between their emotions and the external spell is brilliant. Specifically: *"The grey sphere in the center of the circle didn't just wobble; it fractured... The somatic brand on her palm flared."* Keep this—it creates a direct, high-stakes link between the romance and the plot.
*   **Dorian’s Breaking Point:** The fragmentation of Dorian’s speech at the end is earned. The shift from *"The efficiency is... ninety-four percent"* to *"Mira... run... can't stop... the arc..."* perfectly illustrates his cognitive collapse.
*   **Tactile Imagery:** Mira’s POV remains grounded in physical sensation, especially the "tasting copper" and the "hissing robes."

**VOICE CHECK:**
*   **Mira:** YES. Her "Actually. No." self-interruptions and her use of "stars' sake" and "past and rot" are perfectly placed.
*   **Dorian:** YES. His use of "suboptimal" and "the circumstances are not auspicious" aligns with his Understatement Scale.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Kaelen Paradox:** The Chapter 4 Character State (RAG context) explicitly states: **"Kaelen — DECEASED (Ch04): Died standing on the central span of the Obsidian Bridge to tactically brace the pylons."** However, in this draft, Kaelen appears at the end of the chapter to carry Aric's body away. 
    *   **The Error:** Kaelen cannot be dead on the Bridge and also present in the Arena.
    *   **The Correction:** Replace Kaelen in the final scene with a different high-ranking Pyre faculty member, or have Mira and Dorian be the ones to carry Aric out as they flee Voss's Purifiers.
*   **Aric’s Injury vs. Interaction:** Aric is described as having a "massive, cauterized wound in his chest" and "vaporized blood," but then speaks three coherent sentences. 
    *   **The Error:** The severity of the wound (instant vaporization/cauterization) makes a "wet bubble" voice and a "ghost of a grin" medically impossible even for fantasy. 
    *   **The Correction:** Reduce the dialogue. Aric should only manage a single word or a look of recognition. Make the tragedy about what he *can't* say.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Ending POV Blur:** The very last sentence — *"His weight was nothing like she expected—cold and precise... like holding a blade that had forgotten it could cut"* — is confusing.
    *   **The Problem:** The text says Dorian "caught her as she fell," implying Mira is the one being held. But the final sentence describes him as the one being "held" by her. 
    *   **The Fix:** Clarify who is supporting whom. If Dorian is the "blade," it should read: *"She sagged against him, his frame as cold and precise as a blade that had forgotten it could cut."*
*   **The "Grey" Definition:** The chapter mentions "Let them be Grey" and a "Grey sphere."
    *   **The Problem:** It isn't explicitly clear to the reader if "Grey" is a forbidden magic or just a new technical term. 
    *   **The Fix:** Add one line of Mira’s internal monologue earlier in the tent regarding the *political danger* of the "Grey" frequency to raise the stakes of the demonstration.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Voss’s Reaction:** (Optional) Show a brief beat of Voss looking *pleased* rather than just "shouting orders." This would telegraph that the "disaster" might have been orchestrated or welcomed by the Ministry, deepening the political intrigue for Chapter 5.
*   **Physicality of the Brand:** (Optional) Mention the cold/heat of the brand specifically when they are forced to touch during the rescue. It reinforces the "Binary Star" cost.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT "smooth out" Dorian’s technical jargon.** His insistence on "atmospheric density" and "wave-function" is his armor. It must remain stiff and clinical to make his eventual breakdown over Aric more impactful.
*   **Do NOT remove Mira’s cursing.** The specific tiers of "stars' sake" to "past and rot" are the reader's only way to gauge her internal thermometer since she tries to hide her fear from Dorian.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The Kaelen continuity error is a "red level" break—he cannot be a ghost carrying a body when he was established as a casualty of the Bridge collapse. Once the Proctor is replaced and the final paragraph's physical orientation is clarified, the chapter is structurally sound.