**1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE**

*   **Dorian’s High-Distress Voice:** The transition from "the circumstances are not auspicious" to the use of "extraordinary" (as mandated by his voice profile for moments of deep significance) is perfectly executed.
*   **Mira’s Curse Scale:** Use of "past and rot" correctly signals her highest level of emotional stakes during the climax.
*   **Somatic Intimacy:** The description of the shared sensory feed—"I saw the heat haze rising from my own skin, but I saw it through the terrifyingly precise, blue-tinted lens of Dorian’s perspective"—successfully anchors the "Union" mechanic established in Chapter 08.
*   **Voice Differentiation:** YES. Dorian’s "The evidence suggests" and Mira’s "Obviously" (used as a sarcasm tell) make their dialogue identifiable even without tags.

**2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY**

*   **NAME ERROR (CRITICAL):** The text refers to Dorian as **"Chancellor Thorne"** and **"Dorian Thorne."**
    *   *Contradiction:* Chapter 01 and the Character State Database establish his name as **Dorian Solas**. "Thorne" is not his name.
    *   *Correction:* Global replace "Thorne" with "Solas."
*   **LOCATION INCONSISTENCY:** The text states, "the fire of the volcanic vents below and the frost of the Spire’s atmospheric regulators simply... stopped."
    *   *Contradiction:* Chapter 09 (Character State) establishes the location as the **Imperial Dais in the Capital**, overlooking the Loom. The volcanic vents are at Mira's Academy (Chapter 02) and the atmospheric regulators are at Dorian's Spire (Chapter 03). They are currently at a neutral Imperial third site.
    *   *Correction:* Remove reference to specific academy machinery; focus on the localized elemental magic being neutralized.
*   **CHARACTER ANCESTRY/PLOT HOLE:** Dorian says, "The error... was thinking the design was more important than the designers."
    *   *Contradiction:* Chapter 08 established a "Known Secret" that Dorian’s lineage **engineered the original breach**. Mira is unaware. By claiming they are the "designers" and merging souls, this secret should technically be revealed through the "somatic intimacy" described later ("I knew the exact moment his first memory was formed").
    *   *Correction:* Explicitly note Mira’s shock/reaction to the "design" revelation during the soul-merge, or clarify that the "Grey" is shielding specific ancestral shames.
*   **MISMATCHED COLORS:** Elara is described wearing "sapphire silks."
    *   *Contradiction:* Chapter 03 established the Spire (Dorian’s school) uniform as **silver and white**. Sapphire is not the established house color.
    *   *Correction:* Change "sapphire" to "silver-threaded" or "white."

**3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY**

*   **THE SEVERANCE KEY MECHANIC:** The text says Malchor "jammed the Severance Key into the primary lattice."
    *   *Clarification Needed:* Per Chapter 09 State, the Key is designed to **kill the weaker anchor**. The text describes it as a "centrifuge" and a "void-trap." The lethality to a specific person (Mira or Dorian) is lost in the mechanical description.
    *   *Fix:* Add a line of internal monologue for Mira sensing the Key "hunting" for the weaker soul-signature to excise.
*   **BYSTANDER SURVIVAL:** Aric and Elara are "standing back-to-back" after the Loom shatters and the Dais fractures.
    *   *Clarification Needed:* The "Imperial Dais... fractured, the basalt blocks tilting and tumbling." It is unclear how the students survived a literal mountain-top collapse while the Chancellors "hit the ground."
    *   *Fix:* Specify they utilized a combined "Grey" shield or found a stable outcropping.

**4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS**

*   **The "Imperial Back-door":** (Optional) Chapter 08 mentioned a "Soul-Tether" back-door known only to Mira. This would be a high-tension moment to mention its failure or Mira’s refusal to use it during the "centrifuge" phase.
*   **Word Count Check:** The current draft is significantly under the 4,000-word target mentioned in the Project Description. While the beats are correct, expansion on the "symphony of neutralization" would bridge the gap.

**5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS**

*   **Do not "fix" the clinical tone** of Dorian’s dialogue (e.g., "asymmetrically integrated"). This is his established voice.
*   **Do not remove Mira’s interruptions** (e.g., "actually, no, it wasn't skipping"). This is her established nervous verbal tic.
*   **Do not smooth out the ending's lack of titles.** The characters dropping "Chancellor" for "Mira/Dorian" is the emotional payoff of the slow-burn arc.

**6. VERDICT**

**REVISE**
(The name error "Thorne" vs "Solas" and the location confusion regarding volcanic vents are major continuity flags that must be corrected before the chapter is finalized.)