To: Facilitator, Crimson Leaf Publishing
From: Lane, Line Editor
Date: [Current Date]
Subject: Line Editorial Review – Chapter 16: The First Fracture

This chapter carries the heavy lifting of moving from the emotional peak of the romance into the external "Final Boss" conflict. My focus here is on ensuring the clinical/emotional contrast between Dorian and Mira remains sharp and that the prose doesn't purple as the stakes rise.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Somatic Hum":** The physical manifestation of their magic as a shared sensory experience remains the book’s strongest unique selling point.
    *   *Example:* "The somatic hum between them was a low, steady thrum, a silent conversation of shared resolve."
*   **Voss’s Psychological Warfare:** The villain’s choice to attack via the "Duress Clause" is a brilliant pivot. It weaponizes their survival against them.
*   **Voice Differentiation:**
    *   **Dorian:** Distinctly analytical. His use of "The evidence suggests," "probability," and "data point" is consistent and provides a rhythmic anchor.
    *   **Mira:** More visceral and reactive. Her dialogue is punchier.
    *   **Can I identify voices without tags?** **YES.** Dorian’s "The evidence suggests" is his signature; Mira’s "Actually. No." mirrors her defiance.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **Chapter Numbering Conflict:** The Project Context/Character State identifies this character arc and world state as "ch-10" (the final chapter). However, the draft is labeled "Chapter 16." 
    *   *Correction:* Coordinate with the Strategy/Layout agent. If this is a 10-chapter novel as per the business plan, this manuscript must be re-indexed as Chapter 10.
*   **The "Steam Phoenix" Origin:**
    *   *Error:* The text says it was "born of the very thing Voss wanted to scour."
    *   *Correction:* Per Ch-10 context, the Steam Phoenix is "residing in Dorian's study." Ensure the prose reflects that it is a *living result* of the Union, not just a pet, to maintain the weight of its potential destruction.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Actually. No." Repetition:** 
    *   *Passage:* Mira says "Actually. No. It’s a threat," and then Voss says "Actually. No," mimicking her. 
    *   *Issue:* The punctuation "Actually. No." (with the period) creates a stutter in the rhythm that feels like a typo rather than an intentional beat unless it's clearly defined as a Mira-ism.
    *   *Fix:* Ensure the first instance (Mira) is established as a firm verbal tic so Voss's mockery lands.
*   **The "Purifiers" Introduction:** 
    *   *Passage:* "We have the Purifiers waiting at the base of the Reach."
    *   *Issue:* We haven't seen Purifiers before. Are they soldiers? Mages? 
    *   *Fix:* Add a single clarifying noun/adjective. ORIGINAL: "The Purifiers" → SUGGESTED: "The Ministry Purifiers—anti-mana squads tasked with unraveling rogue spells."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythm of the "Kiss" Reference:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "...the tightness in his jaw that the balcony’s kiss hadn't quite managed to melt away."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "...the tightness in his jaw that the balcony’s heat hadn't quite managed to melt."
    *   *Rationale:* "Balcony's kiss" is a bit cliché for this specific "clinical vs. fire" voice. Using "heat" plays better into Mira's fire-mage affinity.
*   **The "Dead Man's Tooth":**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "...the wax clicking like a dead man's tooth."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "...the wax clicking like a bone on the table."
    *   *Rationale:* "Dead man's tooth" is a very specific, almost gothic image that feels slightly out of place in this high-fantasy legal scene. A "bone" click maintains the death imagery with more economy.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Dorian’s Stilted Speech:** Do not "smooth out" Dorian’s technical jargon (e.g., "extraordinary in its failure of logic"). This is his core character identity—he processes trauma through data.
*   **The "Grey" Sky:** The mercury-grey sky is a permanent world-state change. Do not edit it back to blue or standard sunset colors.
*   **The "Somatic Bleeding" Terminology:** This is the legal/medical term used by the antagonists to pathologize the protagonists' love. It must remain clinical and ugly.

### 6. VERDICT: PASS
(Pending the chapter numbering reconciliation with the master plan.)

The prose is tight, the dialogue is doing double-duty by advancing the legal plot and the romantic vulnerability, and the character voices are the strongest they've been in the series. No heavy edits required.