**Lane, Line Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing, reviewing *Cypress Bend* — ch-06.**

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Metaphorical Fusion:** The opening paragraph beautifully blends Marcus’s internal dev-logic with the physical reality of a traffic jam. *"Every brake light ahead of them was a latency spike. Every stalled car on the shoulder was a timed-out request."* This is essential for establishing his POV.
*   **Voice Differentiation:** 
    *   **Marcus:** YES. His dialogue reflects his "Boolean" nature and habit of narrating physical stress as system diagnostics. *"Transfer is at twelve percent. I'm bypassing the parity checks to save time."*
    *   **Elena:** YES. She acts as the "translator" and the grounding mechanical force. She speaks in imperatives and short, punchy sentences.
*   **Atmospheric Pacing:** The transition from the high-tech "heat map" of the city to the "industrial guts" of West Atlanta provides a necessary tactile shift.
*   **The "Sarah" Anchor:** Brief but effective mention of the logs as *"his leverage, his sin, his anchor."* It keeps the emotional stakes of Ch-01 alive without a data dump.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Truck’s Origin:** 
    *   *Error:* The text describes the vehicle as a "heavy-duty hauler" and a "truck." In Ch-04, Marcus was in a diagnostic bay dealing with a port's manifest system. We need a clearer line on where this specific "unoptimized" vehicle came from—did they steal it from the laundry facility or was it already theirs?
    *   *Correction:* Add a single sentence of texture when they first arrive at the brick building to clarify if this truck is their permanent "ark" or a temporary vessel.
*   **The "Llama-4" Weight:** 
    *   *Error:* Marcus says, *"I'm pulling the Llama-4 weights first."* 
    *   *Correction:* Per the Project Context, the AI seed is referred to as **"Sanctuary."** While Llama-4 is a realistic technical term, Marcus should refer to the specific foundational logic he is exiling. 
    *   *Suggested fix:* "I'm pulling the Sanctuary foundational weights first."

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **Tactile Confusion (The Wrench):**
    *   *Passage:* *"She was standing by the door, her hand on the grip of a heavy wrench she’d pulled from her belt."*
    *   *Fix:* This feels like a "video game" action. Why a wrench against a drone or a "Clean Team"? If she’s using it as a pry-bar for the door or a defensive weapon, clarify the intent. 
    *   *Suggested fix:* "...her hand on the grip of a heavy pipe wrench, more comfortable with the weight of steel than the invisible threat above."
*   **The "Four-Beat Tap" Introduction:**
    *   *Passage:* *"One, two, three, four. Ping. One, two, three, four. Acknowledge."*
    *   *Fix:* The first instance in this chapter is excellent. However, the later instance during the "Clean Team" sighting feels a bit repetitive in a short span.
    *   *Suggested fix:* On the second instance, describe the *sensation* of the tap rather than writing the numbers out again.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythmic Economy (The "Very" Infrastructure):**
    *   *Original:* "...rendered the Very infrastructure of human-scale commerce obsolete."
    *   *Suggested:* "...rendered the very bones of human-scale commerce obsolete."
    *   *Rationale:* Capitalizing "Very" feels like a typo rather than an emphasis. "Bones" fits the theme of the city becoming a "husks."
*   **Dialogue Tag Audit:**
    *   *Original:* *"Clean Team," Marcus whispered. his thumb started the four-beat tap...*
    *   *Suggested:* "Clean Team." Marcus’s thumb started the four-beat tap...
    *   *Rationale:* The lowercase "his" is a typo. Removing "whispered" tightens the tension; the action following the dialogue implies the tone.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT "fix" Marcus’s diagnostic narration:** Passages like *"Elevated heart rate. Cortisol spike..."* might read as clunky to some, but they are essential to his Voice Signature (Imperfection Signature).
*   **Do NOT smooth over the tech-speak:** Terms like "MAC addresses," "packet losses," and "pulsed-loading" are genre-appropriate for this Cyber-Noir/Near-Future hybrid.
*   **Do NOT add more "feeling" to Marcus:** His refusal to use emotional vocabulary is a core character trait.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The chapter is pulse-pounding and captures the "Great Dark" event perfectly. However, the **Continuity** error regarding the "Sanctuary" naming convention and the minor **Clarity** issues with the "wrench" and "Very" typo require a quick polish before this can move to the roundtable.

**Line-Level Suggestion Example:**
*   ORIGINAL: *"I'm pulling the Llama-4 weights first."*
*   SUGGESTED: *"I'm pulling the Sanctuary foundational weights first."*
*   RATIONALE: Aligns the technical jargon with the specific project goals established in the RAG context/Ch-06 state.