To: Lead Author, *The Starfall Accord*
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Date: October 24, 202X
Subject: Developmental Review: Chapter 13 — The Mid-Winter Gala

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Hearth" Metaphor:** The transition of Mira’s internal magic from "wildfire" to "stabilized kiln"/ "hearth" is a powerful emotional anchor that visually represents her character growth.
*   **Dorian’s Physical Restoration:** Mentioning his right hand as "pink and steady" (rather than a "ruin of black frost") provides a necessary payoff to the medical/magical stakes of previous chapters.
*   **Voss as a Political Antagonist:** Voss’s dialogue—specifically the "somatic puppet" accusation—perfectly weaponizes the romance's mechanics (the soul-bond) against the protagonists, creating high-stakes external conflict.
*   **Voice Signatures:**
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her use of "Actually. No." and "Obviously" remains consistent and provides the necessary sharp, defensive edge to her vulnerability.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on clinical data points ("The evidence suggests," "suboptimal," "approximately three degrees") maintains his established persona even as he expresses deep emotion.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Hand Restoration Inconsistency:**
    *   *Error:* The chapter text says his hand is "fully restored (pink and steady)" and "He looked whole." However, the [character-state] RAG data for this chapter (ch-13) lists his physical status as having an "adrenaline crash from magical outburst." 
    *   *Correction:* Ensure Dorian shows physical signs of the fatigue mentioned in the character state. He should perhaps lean on the railing or show a slight tremor in that "restored" hand when the adrenaline fades on the balcony to align with the RAG file's "adrenaline crash" status.
*   **The Clothing Conflict:**
    *   *Error:* The chapter starts with Mira in a charcoal-grey silk gown she calls a "diplomatic masterpiece." However, the world-state RAG notes describe the student body as having "adopted charcoal-grey uniforms." 
    *   *Correction:* Add a single line or beat acknowledging that her gown is an elevated, formal version of the new student "unity" colors to reinforce the "unified front" mentioned later.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Purity Scan Mechanics:**
    *   *Passage:* "I didn't resist it. I structured it... It turned grey as it hit my skin, bleeding into a harmless mist of silver ash."
    *   *Problem:* It isn't entirely clear how this "proves" her agency to the room. To an observer, it might look like Dorian’s shield protected her.
    *   *Fix:* Add a beat where Mira explicitly moves away from Dorian or steps *into* Voss’s space before the scan hits, making it visually undeniable that she is the one manipulating the energy, not Dorian shielding his "puppet."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Elara’s Presence:** (Optional) The RAG data places Elara in the Great Hall as the "First Warden." Briefly mentioning her nodding to Mira or managing the perimeter during Voss’s confrontation would reinforce the "Unified" student body world state.
*   **The "Death-Pact" Loop:** (Optional) Both characters are noted in RAG as carrying the secret of the "founders encoded death-pact." While this chapter focuses on Voss, a brief heavy glance at each other when they stand by Aric’s chair could foreshadow that their "Grey Equilibrium" is built on a foundation they haven’t fully disclosed to the public yet.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT remove verbal tics:** Mira’s "Actually. No." and Dorian’s "The evidence suggests" are mandatory voice anchors for this project.
*   **Do NOT "warm up" the balcony scene:** The lack of a kiss or overt physical passion is an intentional structural choice for this chapter. The "none at all" distance is the emotional payoff; forcing a physical beat would undermine the "Slow-burn" mandate of the project goal.
*   **Do NOT soften the academic jargon:** Terms like "kinetic core," "somatic bleed," and "stabilization lattices" are core to the World State and the characters' professional identities.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

**Reasoning:** While the emotional arc and the confrontation with Voss are structurally sound, the chapter fails to reflect the "adrenaline crash" and "metabolic fatigue" specified in the Project Context (RAG) for Dorian in Chapter 13. Furthermore, the "Purity Scan" sequence needs a sharper visual beat to ensure the reader understands the outcome as Mira’s victory of agency, rather than a passive defense. Once the physical state of Dorian is aligned with the RAG data, the chapter will be ready.