To: Starfall Accord Production Team
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review: Chapter 14 (Draft 1)

This chapter serves as a critical immediate follow-up to the somatic "incident" of the previous beat. While the tension between Mira and Dorian is palpable, the current draft suffers from significant continuity errors regarding the project’s structure and serious pacing issues that threaten the "slow-burn" mandate.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Physical Symbolism:** The use of the "scorched cuff" as a physical manifestation of Dorian’s internal compromise is excellent. It grounds the magical conflict in a tangible, lingering image.
*   **Sensory Tension:** The description of the atmosphere, specifically: *"The air between them hummed with a binary star’s tension—two bodies locked in an orbit that was either going to stabilize the school or tear it apart,"* perfectly captures the high-stakes romantic fantasy tone we are targeting.
*   **Voice Check:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her dialogue is sharp, defensive, and practical (*"The thermal vents there are stable"*), masking her internal chaos.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His voice is clipped and remains focused on concepts of "stability" and "discipline," even as they fail him.
    *   **Lyra:** YES. Her "professional impatience" is distinct even from behind a door.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Chapter Count Paradox:** The submission is labeled **ch-14**, but the [character-state] and [world-state] metadata clearly indicate this is the immediate aftermath of **ch-03**. Per the Project Description, this is a **10-chapter novel**. Chapter 14 should not exist.
    *   **Correction:** Relabel this as **Chapter 4**. Adjust references to the residency allocations to reflect that we are still in the first week of the "Transition Period" as established in the World State.
*   **Mana-Grounding Logic:** The text mentions Kaelen saw them "earlier—the way they’d been forced to touch." However, the [character-state] for Ch-03 says Kaelen "Noticed the intimate tension upon entering" but does not explicitly state he witnessed the physical grounding.
    *   **Correction:** Clarify if Kaelen saw the *act* or just the *aftermath*. If he saw the act, update the Character State for Kaelen to "Witnessed physical grounding event."

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Sensory Bleed" Mechanics:** The passage *"the wild joy of the sensory bleed returned to her"* is too vague for a system-based magic romance. 
    *   **The Fix:** Briefly reference the specific elemental sensation from Chapter 3—the heat of her fire mixing with his "absolute zero"—to remind the reader why this "bleed" is dangerous/addictive. 
*   **Spatial Confusion:** Mira is smoothing a floor plan on a desk, then steps into Dorian's "personal space to retrieve the map." If she just finalized it at the desk, why is she retrieving it from him?
    *   **The Fix:** Establish that Dorian took the map from her to inspect it before she steps back in to reclaim it, heightening the physical proximity.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Pacing the Burn (Optional):** Dorian’s admission—*"We aren’t very stable right now"*—is very forward for a 10-chapter slow-burn at only the 30% mark (Chapter 4). 
    *   **Suggestion:** Keep the line, but have him say it to the scorched cuff rather than directly to her eyes to maintain the "rivals" distance a bit longer.
*   **External Obstacle (Optional):** Mentioning the "Starfall Drift" or the "angry red sky" from the World State would help tie their personal tension to the global stakes.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not soften Mira’s "snap" at Lyra.** This irritability is a direct result of her somatic fatigue and internal conflict; it is a character-driven reaction, not a tone error.
*   **Do not remove the "binary star" metaphor.** While it's a "heavy" metaphor, it's the established naming convention for their magical bond ("Binary Star stability" in open loops).
*   **Do not "clean up" the singed wool smell.** The contrast between the clinical "absolute zero" of the Spire and the messy reality of the Pyre is a core thematic conflict.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The chapter is atmospherically strong but fundamentally misaligned with the project’s 10-chapter architecture and previous world-state tracking. The timeline/chapter-numbering error must be resolved to ensure the "Starfall Accord" remains a cohesive 10-part narrative.