As Line Editor, my focus is the "sonic" quality of the prose and the precision of the character voices. This chapter introduces a significant magical manifestation, and the writing generally handles the sensory transition from "fire vs. ice" to "steam/grey" with strong rhythmic control.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Rhythmic "Actually. No."**: This is a distinct Mira-ism used twice (opening and middle). It interrupts the flow of her own thoughts, effectively conveying her headstrong, corrective nature. 
    *   *Quote:* "Actually. No. It wasn't just a sound. It was a pressure."
*   **Dorian’s Ellipses**: The use of “...” to signal Dorian’s mental processing/calculation mid-speech is excellent for his "clinical mask" voice.
    *   *Quote:* "The evidence suggests a total... systemic failure if the core is not... neutralized."
*   **Sensory Economy**: The description of the Phoenix avoids over-adjective use, focusing on kinetic nouns.
    *   *Quote:* "...beat wings of white steam that shed feathers of jagged ice."
*   **Voice Differentiation**: 
    *   **Mira**: YES. Her dialogue is punchy, informal, and relies on gut instinct ("Let me be the ground").
    *   **Dorian**: YES. His dialogue remains anchored in data and probability even under duress ("...lower-frequency amber light").
    *   **Voss**: YES. His speech is performative and bureaucratic ("...sovereign administrative sanctum").

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The "Restored" Hand**: 
    *   *Error*: The text mentions Dorian’s "right hand fully restored" (per Character State) but then says "Dorian wiped a smudge of soot from his cheek" and later "reached out his restored right hand." However, during the Phoenix encounter, it says: "his right hand moving in a slower, more deliberate arc." 
    *   *Correction*: Ensure the prose acknowledges the *newness* of the restoration. If the hand was recently "shattered" or "restored" (Ch 13), his movements should perhaps be described as *too* precise or slightly tentative to reflect the "high-frequency adrenaline tremors" noted in his Character State RAG.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Geometry Action**:
    *   *Passage*: "...tracing frantic, glowing geometric patterns in the air... another geometric lattice shattered against the creature’s beak."
    *   *Fix*: The word "geometric" is used too closely together. It softens the impact of the visualization. 
    *   *REVISION*: "...tracing frantic, glowing sigils in the air... another crystalline lattice shattered against the creature’s beak." (Distinguishes the *act* of drawing from the *result* of the shield).
*   **The Lift Transition**:
    *   *Passage*: "The chase through the Academy was a blur of charcoal-grey robes and frantic students. Mira and Dorian took the high-speed kinetic lifts..."
    *   *Fix*: We lose the Phoenix here. Does it fly faster than the lift? Does it go through the vents while they take the lift? 
    *   *REVISION*: Add a single phrase: "While the Phoenix surged through the vertical vents, Mira and Dorian threw themselves into the high-speed kinetic lifts..."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Weak Adjective Audit**:
    *   *ORIGINAL*: "Voss ducked, letting out a **very un-Councillor-like** yelp..." 
    *   *SUGGESTED*: "Voss ducked, letting out a **thin, undignified** yelp..."
    *   *Rationale*: "Un-Councillor-like" is a clunky, hyphenated descriptor that slows the rhythm of an action sequence.
*   **Dialogue Tag Economy**:
    *   *ORIGINAL*: "...Dorian said, his voice no longer tired; it was a blade of Spire-steel."
    *   *SUGGESTED*: "...Dorian’s voice lost its tremor, sharpening into a blade of Spire-steel."
    *   *Rationale*: "Dorian said" is redundant when the following metaphor provides the vocal texture.
*   **Voss's Exit**:
    *   *ORIGINAL*: "...the slamming of the door echoing like a final gavel strike."
    *   *SUGGESTED*: "...the door’s bang echoing like a gavel strike." 
    *   *Rationale*: "Final" is unnecessary; the gavel metaphor already implies a closing/judgment.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "fix" Dorian's stutter-stops**: The "..." in his dialogue is a character choice representing his need to calculate before speaking. It may look like a typo to a standard grammar checker, but it is his "Voice Signature."
*   **Do not remove the "ledger" metaphors**: Mira’s obsession/hatred of administrative work vs. her fire magic is a key character arc element.
*   **The Phoenix’s lack of a species name**: Keeping it as a "Steam Phoenix" (a label Mira invents on the fly) is vital. Do not replace it with a more "standard" fantasy creature name.

### 6. VERDICT

**VERDICT: POLISH NEEDED**

The chapter is rhythmically sound and the character voices are distinct. However, the transition between the boiler room and the study (the "chase") needs a clearer tether to the Phoenix's movement to maintain the frantic pace. Once the "geometric" repetition is cleaned up, it will be ready for the final authorial polish.