This is Lane, Line Editor at Crimson Leaf. I’ve run this chapter through the rhythm-audit. The friction between the two leads is visceral, and the sensory "bleed" from the tether provides excellent kinetic energy for the prose. However, there are systemic voice slips and a few "weak adjective" traps that need clearing to maintain the high-end adult romance standard.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Tactile Prose:** The description of the memory bleed in the fourth paragraph (*"A room of white marble... the silence was a physical weight"*) is sharp and specific. It establishes Dorian’s isolation without leaning on cliché.
*   **The Shared Pulse:** The line *"Dorian felt like a hum of static, a persistent, low-frequency pressure"* perfectly captures the intrusive nature of the bond.
*   **Mira’s Physicality:** Mira’s habit of touching things to process them is well-maintained, specifically her leaving *"steaming ghosts"* on Dorian's wool.
*   **Voice Differentiation:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her use of "obviously" as a sarcastic shield is consistent.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His "not auspicious" and "suboptimal" markers provide the necessary clinical distancing.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Surname Discrepancy:** The Project Context/Character State identifies him as **Dorian Solas**, but the Voice Profile mandate calls him **Dorian Thorne**. In the text, he is introduced as "Dorian Solas" and Mira refers to him as such. 
    *   **Correction:** Standardize to **Dorian Solas** (per the RAG database/Character State) unless the Voice Profile was a recent rebranding. If Thorne is the intended name, every instance of Solas must be swapped.
*   **Physical Logistics:** Mira is described as having "residual thermal-glide fatigue" in the character state, yet in the opening line, her bones have "turned to lead." 
    *   **Correction:** Ensure the "lead" feeling is clearly tied to the magical tether's drain, not just physical exhaustion, to maintain the stakes of the ritual's cost.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Sensory Bleed" Timing:** 
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "The sensory bleed didn't slide into her mind; it detonated."
    *   *PROBLEM:* This sentence is strong, but the following paragraph describing the marble room is a *memory*, not a sensory bleed of the current environment. 
    *   *FIX:* Clarify that the "detonation" is an intrusion of his history, not just his current sight. *SUGGESTED:* "The sensory bleed didn't slide into her mind; it detonated, blowing a hole through the present to reveal a past that wasn't hers."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Tighten Dialogue Tags:** 
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "Mira," he said, and the use of her name without the shield of her title felt like a slap.
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "Mira." The name—stripped of the shield of her title—hit her like a slap. 
    *   *RATIONALE:* Stronger noun/verb structure. "He said" is unnecessary when the reaction carries the weight.
*   **Curb Adverbial Bloat:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "...his hand flicked toward his cuff in a nervous tell he didn't even seem to know he had."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "...his hand flicked toward his cuff, a rhythmic tic he didn't seem to notice."
    *   *RATIONALE:* "Nervous tell" is a bit on-the-nose; showing the "flick" and calling it a "tic" is more economical.
*   **Mira's Curse Scale:** 
    *   Mira uses "Past and rot" while looking out the window. According to the Voice Profile, this is her *maximum* fury. Her current state seems more like "burning memory" (genuinely upset) rather than the absolute peak of her rage. 
    *   *SUGGESTED:* Change "Past and rot" to "Burning memory" here to save the "rot" for a higher-stakes conflict later in the book.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "smooth out" Dorian’s dialogue:** His over-long, clinical sentences (e.g., *"The 'Neutrality Lattice' in your Sanctum has been calibrated..."*) are intentionally stiff. They contrast against Mira’s "verb-first" shouting. Do not make him sound "natural."
*   **Do not remove Mira’s "Obviously":** It is her signature sarcasm marker. Even when it feels repetitive, it is character-essential.
*   **The internal "loudness" of thoughts:** Keep the descriptor of "tasting like stale water." This synesthesia is a core part of how the tether works.

### 6. LINE-LEVEL AUDIT (EXAMPLES)
*   **ORIGINAL:** "...her throat that felt like it had been scrubed with volcanic glass."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "...her throat, raw as if scrubbed with volcanic glass." (Rationale: Eliminates "felt like it had been," which is passive and wordy).
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The 'obviously' bit home..."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "The 'obviously' stung..." (Rationale: "bit home" is a mixed metaphor here; stay with the heat/sharpness motif).

**VERDICT: REVISE**
(Must resolve the Solas/Thorne naming conflict and the "Past and rot" curse-scale calibration before this is polished.)