As Line Editor, I have evaluated the rhythm, economy, and voice of Chapter 5. The prose captures the high-stakes physical toll of the magical bond, though several "voice" requirements from the style guide were missed or inverted in the draft.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Tactile Internal Monologue:** The description of the distance threshold is visceral. *"It was like walking into a wall of glass. My nervous system didn't just complain; it revolted."* This aligns perfectly with Mira’s tactile-first sensory profile.
*   **The "Paradox" Imagery:** The description of the *“towering monument of steam-turned-glass”* provides a strong, haunting visual anchor for the chapter’s aftermath.
*   **Rhythmic Transition:** The pacing of the walk to the Sanctum successfully mimics the characters’ exhaustion. The "slow-motion torture" is reflected in the sentence lengths—labored and heavy.

**VOICE CHECK:**
*   **Mira Vasquez:** **YES.** The inclusion of "past and rot" (line 74) and her "obviously" sarcasm (lines 75, 129) are correctly placed. Her habit of interrupting her own thoughts (line 62) is distinct.
*   **Dorian Thorne:** **NO.** While his formality is present, he uses terms Mira should use (e.g., "extraordinary" in the narrative or "suboptimal" being attributed to him as a "side effect"). He also has several fragmented sentences that should be grammatically complete given his high-stress formality profile.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Surname Error:** The text refers to "Dorian Thorne" in the voice profile but the character state and previous chapters establish him as **Dorian Solas**.
    *   *Correction:* Replace "Dorian Thorne" with "Dorian Solas" throughout.
*   **The "Extraordinary" Violation:** Vaneck uses the word "Extraordinary" in line 91. The voice profile states this word is reserved for *Dorian* for maximum effect.
    *   *Correction:* Change Vaneck’s dialogue to "Highly irregular" or "Singular." Save "Extraordinary" for Dorian's arc climax.
*   **The Inquisitor’s Seat:** Vaneck takes the "heavy oak throne of the Pyre" (line 49). Earlier context suggests they are in a neutral or shared space (the Sanctum), yet this implies they are in Mira’s specific territory.
    *   *Correction:* Clarify if the Sanctum contains separate Chancellors' chairs or if Vaneck is intentionally usurping Mira’s specific seat to provoke her.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Binary Star" vs. "Paradox":** The text uses "Paradox" to describe the spell (line 4) but the Character State references a "Binary Star" sigil on Dorian’s hand. 
    *   *Fix:* Mention the sigil on Dorian's hand specifically when he reaches under the table in line 59 to link the physical cost to the magic performed.
*   **The "White Room" Ending:** The final line mentions a "White Room."
    *   *Reference:* *"Mira didn't ask what the White Room was. She already knew..."*
    *   *Fix:* This transition is slightly too abrupt. Briefly anchor it to the moment the "memory bleed" happened during the cross-room walk (line 113) so the reader connects the vision to the name "White Room."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Dorian’s Grammar:** In line 41, Dorian says: *"Mira, we have to... the distance."* 
    *   *Optional Suggestion:* ORIGINAL → SUGGESTED: "Mira, we must establish the requisite distance." 
    *   *Rationale:* To better reflect his "grammatically complete" profile even when under duress. Save the fragments for the very end of the chapter.
*   **Vaneck’s Movement:** Vaneck "glided" and "clicked rhythmically." 
    *   *Optional Suggestion:* Trim the "rhythmically" (adverb) and focus on the noun/verb. "His boots clicked against the basalt—a metronome for our impending failure."

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not Clean Up Mira’s "Obviously":** It may read as repetitive to a general editor, but it is her "most reliable sarcasm tell." Leave it in lines 75 and 129.
*   **Preserve the Unapologetic Mira:** In the final embrace, she is crying and desperate, but she does not apologize for the failure in the arena. This is consistent with her "never apologizes directly" rule.
*   **Preserve Dorian’s Understatement:** "This is suboptimal" (line 69) must stay; it is his specific indicator of a serious problem.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The chapter is emotionally resonant and structurally sound, but fails the "Voice Signature" audit for Dorian. Specifically, his grammatical precision is too degraded too early in the scene, and Vaneck is "stealing" Dorian’s power-word (*extraordinary*). These must be adjusted to maintain the series' character integrity.