To: Author, *The Starfall Accord*
From: Lane, Line Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Line Edit – Chapter 12: The Grey Era

This is a resonant conclusion. The rhythm reflects the "stabilization" of the world—the prose has moved from the frantic, clipped pacing of the earlier conflict to a smoother, more lyrical flow that mirrors the "Grey Era."

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Voice Consistency (Dorian):** The adherence to his Understatement Scale is perfect. 
    *   *Example:* "The paralysis of the Throne is... suboptimal for long-term provincial stability, Mira." This captures his character's transition from rigid to "leaner and more vital" while keeping his linguistic DNA.
*   **Voice Consistency (Mira):** Use of her specific tics feels integrated. 
    *   *Example:* "Actually. No," I said, turning to grin at him. "It’s not 'acceptable,' Dorian. It’s a miracle."
*   **Tactile Imagery:** Mira’s POV remains grounded in sensation.
    *   *Example:* "...the quiet, heavy scent of old books finally allowed to rest." and "The physical leash—that white-hot wire... was gone."
*   **Character Voice Verification:**
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her "Actually. No" pivots and "Past and rot" exclamations are distinct.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His "The evidence suggests" and refusal to use "I think" are consistent.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The 15-Foot Limit:** In the courtyard scene, the text states the limit is a "ghost of the past," but then says they haven't learned to exist further apart. However, in Chapter 11 (implied by the Character State), the "Binary Star" stability was RESOLVED. 
    *   *Correction:* Clarify that the proximity is now a *preference* rather than a physical tether. The current phrasing "we hadn't quite learned how to exist further apart" slightly contradicts their "transcendent and liberated" emotional state.
*   **Dorian’s Hand:** The Character State notes Dorian’s right hand is "fully restored," but the prose mentions he revealed hands "no longer trembling with metabolic fatigue." 
    *   *Correction:* Ensure we acknowledge the restoration of the hand specifically, as the "restored" status is a key payoff from his earlier injury.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Grey" Uniforms:**
    *   *Passage:* "...many students were wearing 'Grey tunics,' a self-initiated uniform that favored utility over tradition."
    *   *Fix:* Specify the color/material transition briefly. Did they dye their old robes, or is this a new fabric? A one-phrase descriptor of the visual blend (e.g., "charcoal wool that swallowed the old House dyes") would sharpen the image.
*   **The Messenger’s Physics:**
    *   *Passage:* "sliding a scroll across the table toward us."
    *   *Fix:* Earlier, it says Dorian is at a "mahogany desk" while they are in the "Great Hall" later. Ensure the furniture matches the setting shift.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythmic Economy:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "The jagged basalt peaks were still there, but the valleys between them were catching the new light, turning the obsidian flows into rivers of muted silver."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "The jagged basalt peaks remained, but the valleys caught the new light, turning obsidian flows into rivers of muted silver."
    *   *RATIONALE:* Removing "were still there" and "were catching" (passive/progressive) tightens the rhythm of the opening observation.
*   **Dialogue Tightening:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "He spent his life guarding a bridge that separated two worlds, and in the end, he decided the bridge was more important than the lands it connected."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "He spent his life guarding a bridge between two worlds, and in the end, decided the bridge mattered more than the lands it connected."
    *   *RATIONALE:* "Mattered more" is punchier for an oration than "was more important."

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not Change:** Mira’s repetitive use of "Actually. No." It is her primary voice signature for redirection.
*   **Do Not Change:** Dorian’s use of "suboptimal" and "the evidence suggests." These are non-negotiable anchors for his character.
*   **Do Not Change:** The internal interruption: *"The... the Eternal Throne," the boy stammered...* (This reflects the NPC's terror effectively).
*   **Do Not Change:** Mira’s "Past and rot." While aggressive, it is established as her "furious/intense" marker.

### 6. VERDICT: POLISH NEEDED

The chapter is structurally sound and the voice work is excellent. It needs a light pass to ensure the "15-foot limit" is framed as a psychological habit rather than a lingering magical restriction to align with the "Resolved" status in the tracking logs.

**VERDICT: PASS (with minor continuity adjustments)**