To: Facilitator
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review: *Cypress Bend* — Chapter 20 ("The Mesh Network")

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Technical-Natural Synthesis:** The metaphor of the "nervous system" threading through live oaks is a perfect grounding for the genre. Specifically, the line: *"The canopy was a chaotic architecture of resurrection ferns and Spanish moss, a structural complexity that made his old neural-mapping algorithms look like a child’s stick drawing."*
*   **The "Sarah" Logic Integration:** Repurposing the Alpha-7 AI from a predatory firing tool to a "Mercy" protocol for triage is a brilliant resolution of Marcus's internal guilt. It moves his arc from "fugitive" to "architect."
*   **Voice Signature Consistency:**
    *   **Marcus:** YES. His use of diagnostic reports (*"Diagnostic: Lateral sway at four percent"*) and his rhythmic four-beat tapping (*One, two, three, four*) are perfectly maintained. 
    *   **Elena:** YES. Her abrasive, tactical edge (*"Friction is our only friend today"*) effectively counters Marcus’s digital perfectionism.
    *   **David/Sarah:** YES. David’s reliance on cardinal directions (*"North-by-Northwest"*) and Sarah’s Texas-technical hybrid (*"Error 404 on her reserves"*) are spot on.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Status of Sarah (External vs. Internal):** This is the most critical structural ambiguity. In the *Character State: ch-20* context, Sarah Jenkins is listed as "Location: The Kitchen/Sanctuary Hub" and "Physical: Rested." However, in this chapter, Marcus refers to the "Alpha-7 Sarah logs" and "the Sarah-partition" as if he is talking to an AI simulation or a ghost. 
    *   **The Error:** The text treats "Sarah" as both a live person in the cabin AND a sub-routine in the tablet. When Marcus asks, *"Sarah? Acknowledge,"* and she responds, the reader isn't clear if he’s talking to the actual Sarah Jenkins over a radio or the AI personality blend.
    *   **The Correction:** Clarify the medium. If she is on the comms, use a grounding physical detail (e.g., *the crackle of the hand-held radio on his belt*). Explicitly distinguish between "Sarah the Person" and the "Sarah-Protocol" AI partition early in the chapter to avoid the reader thinking she has been uploaded or killed.
*   **The "Great Dark" vs. "Great Flight":** The world state lists "The Great Dark" as ended. The text mentions "The Great Flight." Ensure these are established as the same event or distinct phases of the collapse to avoid reader disorientation.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Stranger’s Introduction:** The transition from detecting a "scavenger ping" to David providing water happens too rapidly, bypassing the tension of a potential threat.
    *   **The Passage:** *"David’s already movin'... He’s bringin’ a gallon of well water... The handshake is happening."*
    *   **The Fix:** Insert two sentences of visual confirmation. We need to see David actually approach the figure through Marcus’s optics to feel the "risk" Marcus is taking by allowing this "unoptimized" encounter.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Arthur’s Legacy (Physicality):** During the "North-by-Northeast" discussion at the end, Marcus could touch a specific carving or tool of Arthur’s on the porch. This reinforces the "Architect of Sanctuary" theme by physically connecting Marcus's new mesh to Arthur’s old land.
*   **The Alpha-7 Narrative Weight:** Mentioning Julian Avery more explicitly in the moment Marcus decides to help the stranger would sharpen the "anti-efficiency" victory. It’s not just about helping her; it’s about a direct ritualistic rejection of Julian’s "Clean Team" philosophy.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT "clean up" the technical jargon:** Passages like *"refraction loss in this humidity is already redlining"* or *"copper-clad grounding rods"* are essential to the "Hard-Sci-Fi-meets-Southern-Gothic" tone.
*   **Do NOT remove the four-beat tapping:** This is a non-negotiable character tic for Marcus.
*   **Do NOT remove the cardinal directions:** David and Arthur’s voice signatures are anchored in "North-by-Northwest" style navigation. Do not convert these to "left/right."

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The chapter is structurally sound with a clear outcome (the network is live; the sanctuary is open), but the **Continuity** issue regarding Sarah’s physical presence vs. her AI-protocol presence is a "Sector 9 Breach" for the reader's immersion. This must be clarified before the chapter can be indexed.