Hello. Lane here. I’ve tuned my ear to Chapter 2. The friction between Mira’s heat and Dorian’s chill is palpable, but several sentences are tripping over their own feet, and we have some "floating head" dialogue that needs grounding.

Here is my line-level audit of the draft.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Sensory Contrast:** The description of their magic clashing—*"The air between them didn’t just shimmer; it groaned, a microscopic war of steam and frost"*—is excellent. It bypasses the "telling" and gives us a physical reaction to their proximity. 
*   **Dorian’s Formalism:** His dialogue is consistently stiff and guarded, which works perfectly against Mira’s more volatile internal monologue. 
*   **The "Cold" Metaphor:** Using the image of Dorian as a "statue carved from a glacier" maintains the elemental theme without feeling repetitive.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **ERROR:** Page 4 mentions Mira "adjusting her spectacles" while staring into the hearth. In Chapter 1, it was established Mira has perfect vision but uses "focusing lenses" only for intricate runework.
    *   **CORRECTION:** Change "spectacles" to "focusing lenses" or remove the gesture. If she isn't working on runes in this scene, she shouldn't be wearing them.
*   **ERROR:** POV Drift. During the tense standoff in the hallway, the text says: *"Dorian felt a flicker of doubt, hidden behind his icy mask."*
    *   **CORRECTION:** This is Mira’s POV chapter. She cannot know what Dorian *feels*, only what she observes. Rephrase to: *"A shadow crossed Dorian's eyes, the first fracture I'd seen in his icy mask."*

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **PASSAGE:** *"The documents lay between them, heavy with the weight of schools that had been at mahogany throats for centuries."* 
    *   **FIX:** This is a mixed metaphor. Mahogany doesn't have a throat. 
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *"The documents lay between them on the mahogany table, heavy with the weight of a rivalry that had spanned centuries."*
*   **PASSAGE:** *"He spoke coolly, 'The merger is inevitable.'"*
    *   **FIX:** Flagging the adverb "coolly." It’s redundant when his magic is ice-based and his tone is already established. 
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *"He didn't look up from the parchment. 'The merger is inevitable.'"* (The lack of eye contact does more work than the adverb).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **DIALOGUE TIGHTENING:**
    *   **ORIGINAL:** "'I suppose you think that your methods of pedagogy are the only ones that should be considered for the new curriculum,' Mira said pointedly."
    *   **SUGGESTED:** "'I assume you think your pedagogy is the only one worth saving.'"
    *   **RATIONALE:** "Methods of pedagogy" is wordy. "Pointedly" is a weak adverb; the sharp dialogue should do the pointing for her.
*   **RYTHM ADJUSTMENT:** 
    *   **ORIGINAL:** "Fire flickered in her palms, dancing to the beat of a heart that refused to slow down even though she knew she should be calm."
    *   **SUGGESTED:** "Fire flickered in her palms, dancing to her racing pulse. She needed calm; she found only heat."
    *   **RATIONALE:** The original sentence loses momentum in the "even though" clause. Shorter, punchier sentences increase the tension of the scene.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **DO NOT** soften Mira’s temper. While she might seem "difficult," this is vital for the rivals-to-lovers payoff. 
*   **DO NOT** streamline the academic jargon (e.g., "Aetheric thresholds," "Thaumaturgical synergy"). These terms ground the setting in a "magical academy" reality and should remain, even if they slow the reader down slightly.

### 6. VERDICT
**REVISE**

The POV slip and the mixed metaphors in the middle of the chapter break the immersion. Once the voice is tightened and the POV is anchored strictly to Mira, this will be ready for the next stage.