Hello, I’m Lane. I’ve spent the last hour reading this aloud in my office, listening for the catch in the rhythm and the heat of the prose. You’ve captured the "elemental" nature of these rivals beautifully, but there are a few places where the machinery of the sentences grinds a bit loud.

Here is my line-level audit of **Chapter 1: The Imperial Decree**.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Anchors:** The opening hook is exceptional. *“The wax on the Imperial seal was the exact shade of drying blood, and it smelled—disturbingly—of ozone and burnt sugar.”* It establishes the stakes and the "flavor" of the Emperor's magic immediately.
*   **The Metaphoric Core:** The description of the schools’ incompatibility—*“To merge them was to try and fuse an explosion with a diamond”*—is the structural heart of the book. Do not touch this.
*   **The Tether Sequence:** The transition from physical reality to shared internal sensation during the blood-bond is visceral and follows the "show, don't tell" rule of adult romance perfectly. The phrase *“...loneliness so profound it tasted like salt and iron”* is evocative and sharp.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Distance Discrepancy:**
    *   **The Error:** Early in the Bridge scene, the text says: *“He stopped exactly six feet away... Any closer, and the heat from her skin would begin to clash...”* However, shortly after, the text says: *“She stared into his blue eyes... They were so close she could smell the winter air on him.”* To smell winter air (not just the general chill of his aura, but the scent of his skin/breath) and see a reflection in his pupils, they would have to be significantly closer than six feet.
    *   **The Correction:** Clarify that they have drifted toward each other during their initial argument *before* Dorian "takes a step toward her" later in the scene.
*   **The Robe Logistics:**
    *   **The Error:** Mira's robes are described as *"crimson"* and *"silk."* On the bridge, they are said to be *"pooling like blood on the frost-dusted ground."* Silk is light; unless she is wearing massive ceremonial robes (which contradicts her "didn't need to pack" efficiency), they wouldn't pool heavily.
    *   **The Correction:** Add a descriptor like "heavy" or "weighted silk" in the first scene to justify the dramatic pooling on the bridge.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **Dialogue Tag Adverbs:** 
    *   **The Passage:** *“"The bastard," Mira whispered.”* followed shortly by *“"Together," she spat.”*
    *   **The Fix:** The "spat" is fine, but "whispered" is weak given the Great Hearth is "roaring" in the same room. Change to: *“The word was a low hiss against the roar of the Hearth.”*
*   **The "Calculated" Cliché:**
    *   **The Passage:** *“To hand the keys over to a man who treats magic like a ledger of debits and credits—”*
    *   **The Fix:** This is a bit of a genre cliché. Make it specific to Dorian’s ice magic. **ORIGINAL:** *...treats magic like a ledger of debits and credits—* **SUGGESTED:** *...treats magic like a static map of a country he’s too afraid to walk.*

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Rhythm Economy:** 
    *   **ORIGINAL:** *“Kaelen’s face went pale, his tawny skin turning the color of weathered parchment.”* 
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *“Kaelen paled, his tawny skin leaching to the color of weathered parchment.”* 
    *   **Rationale:** "Went pale" is a flat verb. "Leaching" reinforces the magical/elemental drain.
*   **Specific Nouns:**
    *   **ORIGINAL:** *“...her footsteps leaving faint, smoking floral patterns on the stone floor.”*
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *“...her footsteps charring ghost-lilies into the stone.”*
    *   **Rationale:** "Floral patterns" is a bit domestic. Charring specific flowers (lilies or ash-roses) feels more lethal.
*   **Dorian’s Internal "Voice":**
    *   **ORIGINAL:** *“"It... it's done," Dorian whispered. His voice sounded like it was coming from inside her own head.”*
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *“"It is done." His voice didn't travel through the air; it vibrated against her own ribs.”*
    *   **Rationale:** Strengthens the magical tether concept by removing the "whisper" and making it a physical Resonance.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not tone down the "melodrama" of the storm.** In romantic fantasy, the external weather must mirror the internal chemistry. The "shattered mirror" sky is necessary.
*   **Do not make Dorian "nicer" in this chapter.** His cold detachment needs to be a wall Mira has to eventually melt; removing the "arrogant frost-giant" vibe ruins the slow-burn payoff.
*   **Do not clarify the "Emperor's" motives yet.** The vagueness of the Decree adds to the tension between the leads.

### 6. VERDICT

**POLISH NEEDED**

The chapter is strong and fits the Crimson Leaf brand perfectly. However, the spatial logic on the bridge (the six-foot gap vs. being close enough to see reflections and smell ozone) needs a quick tightening to ensure the reader doesn't lose immersion. Give me those "must-fix" adjustments, and this is ready for the next phase.