### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Mira’s Voice Signature Execution:** The "Curse Scale" is perfectly synchronized with the stakes.
    *   *Example:* "Past and rot with the evidence, Dorian," (High stakes/fury) and "Burning memory, Dorian, you really are going to make me read those ledger-items" (Genuinely upset/playful).
*   **Dorian’s Formal Understatement Scale:** His dialogue remains structurally rigid even during the climax, which heightens the impact when he finally cracks.
    *   *Example:* "The circumstances are... not auspicious for a total merge." (Translates to: *We are about to die.*)
*   **Tactile Magic Descriptions:** The transition from internal clinical observation to bone-deep sensation matches Mira’s POV perfectly.
    *   *Example:* "The white-hot lightning... was a bridge into the marrow. I could feel the structure of his soul... as a vast, silent glacier reflecting a thousand different suns."
*   **Voice Differentiation:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her use of "obviously" and mid-sentence pivots ("Actually. No.") are unmistakable.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on "the evidence suggests" and grammatically complete sentences (until the end) clearly defines him.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY

*   **ERROR:** The text refers to Dorian as **"Chancellor Solas"** and **"Dorian Solas"** throughout the chapter.
    *   **CONTEXT CHECK:** According to the Character State and Voice Profile, his name is **Dorian Thorne**. Miras's surname is Vasquez. The school is the "Solas-Pyre Academy," but "Solas" appears to be part of the branding or a title, not his surname.
    *   **CORRECTION:** Change all instances of "Dorian Solas" to **Dorian Thorne**. Ensure Mira calls him "Dorian" and Kaelen refers to him as "Chancellor Thorne."
*   **ERROR:** The text mentions "The last Starfall faded into the Grey Era's permanent, gentle light. Mira stood next to Dorian — not fifteen feet away..."
    *   **WORLD RULE:** The "Correction Clause" and the literal 15-foot leash were the primary conflict of the mid-book. The text says the tether "vanished" and then says they are "twenty feet away" without pain.
    *   **CORRECTION:** The narrative logic holds, but the final paragraph repeats the "fifteen feet" measurement. To avoid redundancy, focus the final imagery on the emotional proximity rather than the numerical distance already established five paragraphs prior.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY

*   **PASSAGE:** "I reached out, not with my hands, but with the raw, unbridled core of my magic. I tore down my own walls... I threw open the gates to the kiln."
*   **ISSUE:** The transition from the physical peak to the "kiln" metaphor is slightly jarring. The reader needs to know if the "kiln" is a literal place in the academy she's remembering or a metaphorical description of her internal fire.
*   **FIX:** ORIGINAL: "I threw open the gates to the kiln." → SUGGESTED: "I threw open the gates to the internal kiln of my core." (Clarifies this is a metaphysical action).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **SUGGESTION (Rhythm):** In the opening paragraph, "It was a bridge into the marrow" is strong. The following sentence is long.
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "I could feel the structure of his soul—not as a collection of clinical observations or 'suboptimal' assessments, but as a vast, silent glacier reflecting a thousand different suns."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "I felt his soul—not as a collection of 'suboptimal' assessments, but as a vast glacier reflecting a thousand suns."
    *   *RATIONALE:* Trimming the "clinical observations" makes the "suboptimal" callback punch harder.
*   **SUGGESTION (Dialogue):** When Lyra enters, she says "statistically significant."
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "It is... statistically significant. The students are already calling themselves 'Grey Mages'."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* Keep as is, but consider if Lyra has her own "voice scale." If she is the "architect," she might use more drafting/blueprinting metaphors. (Optional as she is a secondary character).

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **DO NOT** fix Mira’s run-on sentences during the climax (e.g., "I was the glacier and the volcano..."). This is a documented part of her voice profile when emotional.
*   **DO NOT** remove "The evidence suggests" from Dorian’s dialogue. It is his primary verbal tic and essential for the payoff when he uses Mira's "obviously."
*   **DO NOT** smooth out the transition "The circumstances are... not auspicious." The ellipses represent his struggle to maintain decorum while the world ends.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE

The chapter is emotionally resonant and hits all voice markers perfectly. However, the **name inconsistency (Solas vs. Thorne)** is a major continuity error that must be resolved before publication to align with the series' established character states.