As Line Editor, I have audited the manuscript for Chapter 1. The prose has a strong rhythmic pulse, but there are several "voice" and "economy" hitches where the AI-author has defaulted to generic fantasy tropes instead of the strict character profiles established in the Mandate.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Tactile Sensations:** The description of the Emperor’s magic as "cloying, over-refined, and smelling of *past and rot*" (Mira’s signature "furious" scale) is excellent and should remain.
*   **The Atmospheric Shift on the Bridge:** "Then, the temperature didn't just drop. It shattered." This is a strong, punchy transition that respects the economy of the scene.
*   **The Internal Bleed:** The sensory descriptions during the tethering—specifically Dorian’s "loneliness so profound it tasted like salt and iron"—are evocative and heighten the romantic stakes.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **ERROR:** The "Character State" document lists Dorian's name as **Dorian Solas**, but the "Voice Profile" mandate lists him as **Dorian Thorne**.
    *   **CORRECTION:** Standardize to **Dorian Solas** (per the Project Description and World State) or **Dorian Thorne** (per Voice Profile). For this review, I am assuming **Solas** is the intended surname, but the internal "Voice Profile" document needs an update to prevent future drift.
*   **ERROR:** Mira’s physical reaction to the tether. The Character State says she has a "bleeding right palm," but the text says she "slashed her own palm with a jagged, impatient stroke."
    *   **CORRECTION:** Ensure the location of the cut is consistent (right palm) and the severity matches the "ritual cut" description.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY / VOICE ALIGNMENT
*   **VOICE VIOLATION (MIRA):** "It was—obviously—a brilliant idea."
    *   **FIX:** Per Mira’s profile, she says "obviously" when she means the **opposite**. Here, she is actually acknowledging it’s a good idea. 
    *   **REVISION:** "It was—obviously—a complete disaster." (Matches her sarcasm tell).
*   **VOICE VIOLATION (DORIAN):** "The situation is suboptimal, certainly." 
    *   **FIX:** Dorian is an "absolute zero" formalist. "Certainly" is filler.
    *   **REVISION:** "The situation is suboptimal." (Economy of words).
*   **DIALOGUE TAG ADVERBS:** "Mira whispered, her voice cracking," "Mira snapped," "Mira growled."
    *   **FIX:** Flagging these as "weaker than a good noun/verb."
    *   **REVISION:** "The bastard," Mira’s voice caught. (Show the crack, don't label it).

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **RHYTHM IMPROVEMENT:** ORIGINAL: "The paper in her hands began to brown at the edges." → SUGGESTED: "The edges of the vellum scorched." (Rationale: Stronger verb, more economical).
*   **DORIAN’S PRECISION:** ORIGINAL: "Dorian’s hand trembled, a motion so slight she almost missed it." → SUGGESTED: "A tremor compromised Dorian’s hand—a flicker she nearly missed." (Rationale: Aligns with his "absolute zero" fortress collapsing).

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "fix" Mira’s run-on sentences:** "I’ve spent ten years building the Pyre into something that doesn't rely on your Northern tithes. I’ve fought for every scrap of—" This interruption and lack of "neatness" is a core voice signature.
*   **Do not remove repetitive "cold/heat" metaphors:** In a magical-merger romance, these are structural pillars, not redundancies.
*   **Preserve the "Stated Phrases":** Keep "past and rot" and "stars' sake" exactly where they are; they are the reader's map to the characters' internal temperatures.

### 6. VERDICT: **REVISE**
*The chapter is 90% there, but the "Voice Profile" implementation is inconsistent. Mira uses "obviously" to mean the literal truth rather than sarcasm, and Dorian uses too many "certainlys" and "howevers" that clutter his "no wasted words" profile. These must be tightened to ensure character distinctness before moving to Chapter 2.*

**CAN I IDENTIFY DIALOGUE WITHOUT TAGS?**
*   **Mira:** YES. (The use of "obviously," sensory focus, and tactile verbs).
*   **Dorian:** NO (Needs Polish). He currently sounds like a generic "stiff" fantasy prince. He needs more of his specific scale (i.e., "the evidence suggests" and "not auspicious") to be truly distinct.