**1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE**
*   **The Sensory Bleed Mechanics:** The description of the shared nervous system is visceral and aligns with the Project Context of "Thermal Shock." Specifically: *"His internal frost bit at her marrow while her heat attempted to incinerate his in return."* This establishes the high stakes of the "Binary Star" stability mentioned in the character state.
*   **Mira’s Tactile Magic:** The chapter successfully establishes her physical relationship with magic, such as using her thumb to bubble the wax rather than a letter opener.
*   **Voice Signature Consistency (Mira):** Mira uses her specific curse scale accurately: *"burning memory"* when upset about the manticore comparison, and *"past and rot"* when describing the Emperor’s magic. Her use of "obviously" as a sarcasm tell—*"It was—obviously—a brilliant idea"*—is perfectly executed.
*   **Voice Signature Consistency (Dorian):** Dorian adheres to his formal understatement scale: *"The situation is suboptimal"* and *"it is not auspicious."* The use of *"extraordinary"* in the phrase *"extraordinary in our mutual entrapment"* carries the intended weight reserved for his superlatives.

**VOICE CHECK:**
*   **Mira:** YES. Her dialogue is action-oriented and uses her specific lexical markers (obviously, stars' sake).
*   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on "the evidence suggests" and "it is probable" distinguishes him immediately without tags.

**2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY**
*   **Error:** The text states, "Dorian Solas will be waiting at the Obsidian Bridge in two hours... He’ll be at the midpoint before I've even crossed the lower Reach." However, the next scene begins with "Mira arrived first."
    *   **Correction:** Adjust the timing or Mira’s arrival. If Mira arrives first despite Dorian using a "high-speed Waygate," it contradicts her own assessment of his efficiency and the Spire’s technological advantage. Either have Dorian already standing there as a "pillar of stillness" or explain that Mira used an exhausting "thermal-glide" specifically to beat him there.
*   **Error:** The narrative describes the Emperor’s magic as smelling of "past and rot" in the second paragraph, but Mira’s character-state "Known Secrets" explicitly says the Emperor's magic smells of "burnt sugar" and that her knowledge of this corruption is a secret Dorian does *not* know.
    *   **Correction:** Ensure the "burnt sugar" scent is the primary identifier of the Emperor's corruption. Mira should note the "past and rot" as her personal interpretation of that scent, while reinforcing that the cloying sweetness is the "Imperial" signature.
*   **Error:** The Chapter 1 Character State/World State (Context) says Mira and Dorian are currently at the "Obsidian Bridge (Center Span)" and have "bleeding right palms (ritual cut)." The chapter text ends with them still on the bridge just after the cut. This is consistent, but the "Active Obligations" note they owe "administrative cooperation" which is "UNPAID."
    *   **Correction:** No change needed to the text, but the Editorial Index must flag that the next chapter *must* address the "UNPAID" administrative status.

**3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY**
*   **Passage:** *"Dorian’s head snapped back... His grammatical precision was gone; he was a man struggling simply to exist in the same space as her fire."*
    *   **Fix:** While the narrative says his precision is gone, his next line of dialogue—*"It... it is done"*—is still grammatically perfect. To show the "cracked armor" promised in the Voice Profile, his final line should be fragmented. **Fix:** Change to: *"It... done," Dorian whispered.* or *"The bond... it holds."* (Dropping the "is" or the "It").

**4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS**
*   **Optional:** In the transition to the bridge, Mira mentions her lungs burning from the thermal-glide. Adding a brief mention of the "localized pulse of heat" she used earlier would reinforce her "kineticism" mentioned in the Pyre's description.
*   **Optional:** Mentioning the specific "violet-white" color of the Great Hearth again during the tethering ceremony would create a stronger visual anchor for her instability.

**5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS**
*   **Do not "smooth" Mira’s dialogue:** Her run-on sentences during the argument (e.g., the "manticore" rant) are intentional voice markers of her emotional state.
*   **Do not remove Dorian’s "suboptimal":** It is a mandatory voice marker for his "Formal Understatement Scale."
*   **Do not change the term "Soul-tether":** Although Mira thinks it's a "legend," the RAG context confirms it is "Progenitor-based" technology. The ambiguity of her knowledge vs. Dorian’s knowledge must be preserved.

**6. VERDICT**
**REVISE** (Due to the arrival timing contradiction and the need to align the "burnt sugar" scent with the secret corruption established in the context.)