This is Devon, Developmental Editor at Crimson Leaf Publishing. I have evaluated Chapter 10 of *Crimson Vows*. This chapter serves as the climax and resolution of the "Eternal Eclipse" arc. While the thematic resonance and structural "Big Beats" are sound, there are significant deviations from the established Voice Signatures and a logic gap regarding Seraphine’s character role that require immediate correction.

### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Early:** "The Hound’s howl wasn’t a sound so much as a structural failure in the air itself."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively utilizes Seraphine’s architectural lens to establish the stakes of the supernatural threat.
*   **Mid:** "She fell to one knee, her stone palms cracking against the floor."
    *   *Commentary:* A necessary physical manifestation of the psychic "Silent Admonition" that anchors the internal struggle in the physical space.
*   **Late:** "The silvering on his leg shattered, falling away like dead skin. The stone on her palms cracked and peeled, revealing soft, pink flesh underneath..."
    *   *Commentary:* A visceral, high-impact sensory payoff for the "Permanent Erasure" of their ancestral burdens.

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Queen Seraphine**
*   **Line:** "I... I am a structural failure," Seraphine managed..."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES ("structural failure").
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES (No contractions used).
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Extreme distress/vulnerability).

**King Aldric**
*   **Line:** "I am moving," he replied.
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** NO. Profile states he uses the first-person plural ("We") for formal/sovereign moments and singular "I" ONLY when vulnerable or shaken. Here, he is performing a tactical maneuver; "We are moving" or "The King moves" would fit his stoicism better. 
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES (No contractions used).
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Measured under pressure).

**High Priestess Malcorra**
*   **Line:** "It is written in the vein," Malcorra whispered...
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES (Verbal tic used perfectly).
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES (Whisper/raspy tone used as she loses control).
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Fanatical certainty).

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Shared Metaphor:** The moment their internal monologues align ("We are not the pillars for your roof... We are the fire") is the structural linchpin of the chapter. It earns the transition from rivals to a unified front.
*   **Malcorra’s Exit:** The description of her as a "stubborn splinter in the palm of the world" (Late) maintains her sensory-religious voice signature even in her moments of death.
*   **The Non-Lethal Sunrise:** The subversion of the "vampires burn in the sun" trope is well-telegraphed by the "rewriting of the vein" and must remain as the core world-state shift.

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "Queen Seraphine... Age: 42... Role: Antagonist" (from [voice-sig-queen-seraphine]) vs. the chapter text where she is the primary POV hero.
*   **PROBLEM:** The RAG character sheet identifies Seraphine as an "Antagonist" whose arc is about her daughter Elara. However, the chapter treats her as a protagonist-redeemer with NO mention of Elara. 
*   **FIX:** Reconcile the character role. If she is the protagonist now, the character sheet must be updated. If she is the antagonist, her "transformation" in this chapter feels unearned because the victim of her perfectionism (Elara) is absent. *Action: Insert one internal beat or psychic flash of Elara during the "Permanent Erasure" to ground Seraphine's transformation in her specific "Need" (to let her daughter surpass her).*

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "Seraphine lunged... She ignored the agony of Malcorra’s psychic needles and threw herself across the floor, her fingers locking with Aldric’s..."
*   **PROBLEM:** Physical logistics. Earlier, it is established that "If they touch the obsidian core before we sync, the feedback will liquefy the entire lower district." Aldric is already touching/collapsing against the core. If Seraphine lunges and grabs him, are they syncing? The text says they "interlock," but doesn't explicitly state they have reached the "Meridian" required to prevent the district's destruction.
*   **FIX:** Clarify the physical positioning: "She lunged, her fingers locking with Aldric’s as his other hand fused to the Meridian point of the core, completing the circuit."

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Character Tell (Aldric):** "Aldric... looked at his leg. The crystallization was gone..." (Late).
    *   *Suggestion:* To reinforce his Voice Signature, have him instinctively reach for his signet ring here. The profile says he adjusts it when "concealing deep emotion." It would add a layer of "Old Aldric" resurfacing in a New World.
*   **Sensory Depth (Malcorra):** "The scent of ozone and dried blood filling the room." (Mid).
    *   *Suggestion:* The profile states Malcorra focuses on "the vibration of the blood-link." Adding a line about her feeling the "fraying harmonics" of their bond would sharpen her specific sensory reach.

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT** add contractions to Seraphine or Aldric’s dialogue. Their formal, rhythmically perfect speech ("I am," "It is") is a critical indicator of their royal status and the "gilded cage" they are breaking out of. 
*   **Do NOT** remove Malcorra's "whisper" at the end. It is her "Imperfection signature" and signals her loss of theological control.

### 8. VERDICT: REVISE
**SCORE: 82/100**
**REASONING:** The chapter is emotionally resonant and hits the necessary architectural beats of a finale, but it fails the Voice Audit for Aldric (improper use of singular "I" during a formal/tactical moment) and contains a major thematic continuity gap regarding Seraphine’s relationship with her daughter Elara, which is her primary "Need" according to her profile but is ignored here.