To: Facilitator
From: Devon, Developmental Editor (Crimson Leaf Publishing)
Date: October 24, 2023
Subject: Developmental Edit - The Starfall Accord, Chapter 3

This chapter effectively transitions the narrative from the "forced proximity" trope into a "unified struggle" dynamic. The introduction of the somatic bleed—where their magic reacts to their emotional states via the tether—is an excellent structural tool for escalating the slow-burn romance while maintaining the high-stakes fantasy conflict.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Somatic Bleed" Mechanic:** The physical manifestation of their conflict—Mira’s heat boiling Dorian’s water—is a brilliant way to externalize internal tension. Specifically: *"The more she tried to suppress it, the more the pressure built. It was like trying to hold back a volcanic vent with a cork."* This creates a localized "inciting incident" within the chapter.
*   **Contrasting Magic Systems:** The dialogue perfectly reflects their elemental natures. Dorian’s insistence on "precision" and "fiscal reality" versus Mira’s "kinetic sensibilities" grounds the magic in their personalities.
*   **Closing Cliffhanger:** Dorian’s admission regarding the scorch mark—*"I am not going to have it removed... It is a reminder"*—is a high-tier romantic hook. It shifts the power dynamic from purely hostile to acknowledging a shared (and perhaps desired) intimacy.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The "Double Ending" Error:** The chapter concludes with two near-identical paragraphs. 
    *   *Error:* "Mira sat in the silence of the Sanctum... but as her fingers brushed the surface, she didn't find the cold of the iron; she found a phantom heat..." followed immediately by a repetitive, slightly reworded final sentence.
    *   *Correction:* Delete the final standalone sentence. The preceding paragraph is more descriptive and emotionally resonant as a closing beat.
*   **The "Touch" Logic:** Early in the chapter, Mira says, *"I don't hide what I am. That’s your specialty."* Yet when the water boils, she tells him *"I'm trying!"* to suppress it. 
    *   *Error:* If Mira’s core character trait is that she *doesn't* hide her fire, her frantic attempt to "suppress it" feels slightly out of character without a specific acknowledgement that she is doing so only to protect Dorian.
    *   *Correction:* Add a beat or line of internal monologue during the boiling scene showing that her attempt to suppress is a new, uncomfortable instinct born of the tether, not her natural inclination.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Neutrality Lattice Proximity:** 
    *   *Reference:* "She stopped six inches from the barrier... Dorian stood as well, mirroring her posture."
    *   *Issue:* Later, they move to a drafting table "at the center of the room." It is unclear if the table is split by the lattice or if they have crossed into a "shared" zone.
    *   *Fix:* Briefly clarify if the drafting table is a "neutral zone" where the lattice is disabled or if the lattice bisects the table itself. This is vital for the reader to understand the physical stakes of their proximity.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **The Student Brawl (Optional):** The mention of the "localized blizzard" in the dining hall is a great bit of world-building. Mentioning a specific consequence for those students or a shared look of "what have we started?" between Mira and Dorian would sharpen the "leadership" aspect of their roles.
*   **The Burn Logistics (Optional):** Since this is Adult Romantic Fantasy, the moment Mira draws the heat out of his skin is a prime opportunity for a slightly longer beat of "sensual friction." You could emphasize the *relief* of the temperature equalization more—it’s the first time they are "balanced," which is a metaphor for their future relationship.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not Soften Dorian:** His coldness must remain "iron-like." It makes the small cracks (like keeping the scorched cuff) more impactful. Do not make him too apologetic yet.
*   **Do Not Remove the Bureaucracy:** The five-hour "bureaucratic warfare" montage is necessary. Even though it's less exciting than magic, it reinforces the "Adult" genre tag by showing the weight of their actual jobs.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The chapter is structurally sound and the emotional arc is earned, but the **continuity error of the double-paragraph ending** and the **spatial ambiguity of the drafting table** must be addressed before this moves to the copy-editing stage. Once the redundant final line is removed and the "Lattice" placement is clarified, this is a strong Pass.