Hello, I’m Lane. I’ve spent the last hour listening to the resonance of this chapter—the way the "clink" of ice meets the "hiss" of steam. You’ve captured a visceral sense of somatic magic here. The rhythm of the prose accelerates beautifully as the disaster unfolds, but we have some technical "clutter" in the first half and a few logical leaps in the action that need tightening to ensure the stakes land with full force.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Sensory Tether:** The description of the shared connection is the chapter’s strongest asset. Specifically: *"He felt the covers shifting against her skin as if they were grazing his own."* This is a perfect "double duty" line—it establishes the mechanics of the bond while heightening the romantic tension.
*   **The Magic System as Character Contrast:** The juxtaposition of the Spire’s "statues" versus the Pyre’s "wildness" is well-executed. The line *"Logistics are set, Chancellors... his eyes narrowing as he took in the visible mist forming where their two auras met"* effectively visualizes the conflict.
*   **The Climax’s Prose Rhythm:** The short, punchy sentences during the Starfall energy breach successfully mirror the panic of the moment.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Stabilization Rod:** In the beginning of the scene, Dorian has a *"five-foot length of white ash tipped with a celestial diamond."* During the "Flash-Freeze Transition," he uses it as a focal point. However, when he falls to the sand at the end, the rod is never mentioned again. Does he drop it? Does it shatter? 
    *   **FIX:** Add one line indicating the rod falling or being driven into the sand to anchor the final moment.
*   **The "Mercury-Glass" Reaction:** You establish that if the urn "shatters... we all lose." Then, when the blast happens, the urn is described as having "inverted" and then being "gone." If shattering was the "we all lose" condition, the fallout needs to feel more catastrophic or the rule needs to be adjusted to "if the glass escapes/inverts."
    *   **FIX:** Clarify that the inversion is a greater catastrophe than a simple shatter, or show the immediate physical consequence of the "shatter" rule on the surrounding faculty.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Clinical" Bed:** 
    *   **PASSAGE:** *"Dorian didn't go to sleep; he sat on the edge of the clinical, ice-rimed bed..."*
    *   **PROBLEM:** "Clinical" is an adjective that pulls the reader into a modern, hospital-like setting, which clashes with the high-fantasy aesthetic. 
    *   **FIX:** ORIGINAL → *"Dorian didn't sleep; he sat on the edge of the austere, ice-rimed bed..."* (Rationale: "Austere" maintains the coldness without the modern connotation).
*   **The "Barbecue" Line:**
    *   **PASSAGE:** *"This is a demonstration of synergy, Mira, not a barbecue."*
    *   **PROBLEM:** This voice feels too contemporary/colloquial for a "fortress of absolute zero" Chancellor who prides himself on being "refined." 
    *   **FIX:** ORIGINAL → *"This is a demonstration of synergy, Mira, not a chaotic bonfire."*
*   **The Mechanism of the "Flash-Freeze":**
    *   **PASSAGE:** *"He took the raw, unbridled kinetic energy of Mira’s fire and... he forced it to undergo a state-change. He converted the heat into a localized, absolute zero."*
    *   **PROBLEM:** If he uses *her* fire to create *cold*, the physics of the magic gets slightly muddled for the reader. 
    *   **FIX:** Clarify that he is using her energy to *power* the spell, not that the fire itself becomes ice. SUGGESTED: *"He used her fire as the engine, burning through her kinetic reserves to fuel a flash-freeze more powerful than his own mana could ever sustain."*

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Dialogue Tags:** (Optional) You use a few adverbs in tags that the prose is strong enough to live without. 
    *   **EXAMPLE:** *"Dorian said, his voice a blade of ice."* This is excellent. 
    *   **CONTRAST:** *"Mira called out, her voice amplified by a thermal pulse..."* This is a bit wordy. 
    *   **SUGGESTED:** *"Mira’s voice cut through the haze, amplified by a thermal pulse..."*
*   **Vocabulary Selection:** (Optional) *"Crimson trainers"* feels very modern. Given the fantasy setting, "boots" or "soft-soled buskins" might fit the world-building better, unless the school has a modern-athletic aesthetic.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **The Internal Monologue about "Perimeters":** Do not cut the "fortress of absolute zero" metaphor. It perfectly establishes Dorian’s arc of losing control.
*   **The Somatic Bond Mechanics:** Do not tone down the "sensory colonization." Even if it feels intense, it's the primary engine for the "slow-burn" tension required by the genre.
*   **The Ending Image:** The final line—holding her because the cold is unbearable—is the "money shot" of the chapter. It must remain as the emotional beat.

### 6. VERDICT

**POLISH NEEDED.** 
The chapter is structurally sound and emotionally resonant, but the "Must-Fix Clarity" items regarding modern terminology (clinical, barbecue, trainers) and the logic of the "shattered urn" rule need to be tightened before it’s production-ready.