To: Facilitator
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review: The Starfall Accord, Chapter 5

This chapter successfully pivots the story from the external action of the arena disaster to the internal pressure of a political "locked-room" scenario. Structurally, we have moved into the second act where the stakes are no longer just academic; they are existential.

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Physicality of the Bond:** The description of the "thermal hunger" Dorian feels when they separate (*"The separation was physical agony. As her heat retreated, a violent chill slammed into Dorian’s core."*) is excellent. It grounds the magic system in the characters' bodies, making the romance feel inevitable rather than forced.
*   **Dialogue as Weaponry:** The sparring between Dorian and Vane is sharp. Specifically, Dorian’s recovery: *"A small price... to prove that the Union can anchor a Starfall breach."* This shows the intellectual compatibility between Mira and Dorian—they can lie in sync, which is a precursor to loving in sync.
*   **The Closing Image:** The final beat of Dorian frosting over the Emperor’s "eye" on the seal is a perfect "structural non-negotiable" cliffhanger. It signals a shift from reluctant partners to conspirators.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Number of Seals:** 
    *   **The Error:** Early in the Sanctum scene, the text describes the seal as a "glowing purple ribbon of light" across the main doors. By the end of the chapter, Dorian is touching a seal on a "heavy brass handle" of their "shared quarters." It is unclear if there is one seal on the main entrance to the wing or individual seals on their bedroom doors.
    *   **The Correction:** Clarify that Vane sealed the *main* entrance to the Chancellor's Wing, trapping them in the shared common area/suite, and that Dorian is frosting the seal on that primary exit to symbolize their private rebellion.
*   **The Inquisitor's Location:**
    *   **The Error:** Vane says he is "commandeering the lower apartments of the Chancellor's wing," yet the Chancellors are then "locked in" by an Imperial Seal. If Vane is *inside* the wing in the lower apartments, the seal on the outer door doesn't just lock the Chancellors in; it locks Vane in with them. 
    *   **The Correction:** Explicitly state that Vane has taken the floor *directly below* them or that the Seal allows him (the key holder) passage while trapping them. If he is inside the "cage" with them, the tension needs to reflect his physical proximity in the hallway.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Nocturnal Stability" Logistics:**
    *   **The Passage:** *"He will be observing your nocturnal stability... I am placing an Imperial Seal on the doors."*
    *   **The Problem:** If the doors are sealed and Vane is in the "lower apartments," how is he observing them? Is there a scrying element to the seal? Does the seal report mana-fluctuations? 
    *   **The Fix:** Add a single line from Vane explaining that the Seal monitors "harmonic resonance." This justifies why they have to stay physically close (or even in the same bed) to keep the "synthesis" lie alive.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Mira's Emotional Arc (Optional):** Mira moves from "I hate you" to leaning her forehead against his very quickly. While the "somatic bleed" explains this, its impact could be heightened if she showed one moment of genuine suspicion that Dorian is using the "synthesis" excuse to control her before she accepts the wine.
*   **Proctor Presence (Optional):** Briefly mention the fate of the two students (Aric and Elara) once more at the end of the chapter to remind the reader that while the Chancellors are flirting/conspiring, the cost of their "experiment" is still in the infirmary.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not soften Dorian’s "Common Heart" line:** While Mira calls it "cheap romance broadsheet," the line serves a structural purpose. It establishes that Dorian is willing to perform the "doting partner" role, which creates a safe space for the actual feelings to develop.
*   **Do not change the pacing of the Inquisitor's arrival:** It feels abrupt, but that is the point of an Imperial audit. It should feel like a cold shower after the heat of the arena.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The chapter is emotionally resonant and hits the necessary "rivals-to-conspirators" beat, but the **logistics of the Imperial Seal** and **Vane's proximity** are currently too muddy. We need to know exactly how they are being watched so the "forced proximity" trope feels sufficiently dangerous rather than just convenient.