### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

"Liora's vision swam through a haze of violet hemorrhage as she slumped against the Threshold's thrumming wall, the Thirteenth Strand's echo still fraying at the edges of her soul." (Early)
*Effectively establishes the immediate physical and metaphysical toll of the ritual while grounding the reader in the "fraying" imagery central to the world.*

"He was upright, his chest heaving, his skin etched with the same indigo ink-blood that stained her arms." (Mid)
*Visually reinforces the new biological link between Liora and Thorne, moving Thorne from a passive "sacrifice" to an active participant.*

"You're just a girl holding a tiger by its whiskers. When they break through those doors..." (Late)
*Maros’s dialogue here successfully pivots from political manipulation to the raw, stuttering fear of a man losing his grip on a situation he sanctioned.*

"The machine gave a low, resonant sigh that vibrated through the floor and into their bones. It wasn't the scream of a machine, but the breath of something waking up." (Late)
*This transition personifies the Loom, escalating the stakes from a technical malfunction to a sentient threat.*

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Liora Voss**
*   **Dialogue:** "You can't just pull at fate's hem like it's your favorite cloak—watch the weave, or it'll unravel us both."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics?** YES. Uses "watch the weave" and "pull at fate's hem," aligning with her "winding metaphors laced with weaving imagery."
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech?** YES. She avoids optimistic phrases; her tone remains fatalistic and sharp.
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. Her "defiant and tactical" state is maintained throughout her confrontation with Maros.

**Thorne Quill**
*   **Dialogue:** "Just bind it, Liora. Bind-bind-bind the damn thing."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics?** YES. He mirrors Liora’s specific panic tic ("bind-bind-bind"), which according to the RAG is her imperfection signature, highlighting their "shared link."
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech?** YES. No forbidden patterns listed for Thorne.
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. He is "seething with newfound power" and "hyper-attuned to the Loom," shown in his ability to hear the Loom's specific thoughts.

**Elder Maros**
*   **Dialogue:** "I can frame this as a 'Sanctioned Deviation.' I can keep the Spindle sealed against the coup."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics?** YES. He uses political/manipulative language ("Sanctioned Deviation," "narrative of control").
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech?** YES.
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. He matches the "politically panicked" and "fearful" description in the character state.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **The "Dirty Circuit" Tactility:** The description of the resonance as something that can be felt in the organs is excellent. *Reference: "The sensation of his organs being strummed like lute strings—shot through her..."*
*   **Liora’s Fatalism:** The prose maintains her refusal to be optimistic. *Reference: "This isn't a tool you can wield, Maros. It’s a wound that’s barely been stitched."*
*   **Sensory Consistency:** The recurring scent of "lanolin and indigo dye" effectively anchors the magical high-fantasy elements in a physical reality.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The Archival Guards are refusing to bring food to the spindle!"
*   **PROBLEM:** The World State explicitly defines Archival Guards as "HOSTILE -- Transitioned from gatekeepers to jailers as the lockdown persists." While refusing food fits jailer behavior, Maros presents this as if the Guards are striking or rebelling against *him*, whereas the World State suggests they are part of the lockdown enforcement (jailers) he should theoretically still command. More importantly, the lockdown just started ("before the seals are even cold"); mentioning a lack of food delivery feels premature for a timeline only minutes or an hour post-ritual.
*   **FIX:** Change the line to focus on their shift in allegiance toward the Purists. "The Archival Guards have traded their keys for pikes; they aren't protecting the Spindle, they're besieging it."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "Maros reached the floor of the chamber, his cane clicking against the indigo-splattered tiles."
*   **PROBLEM:** Earlier in the scene, the passage states: "The colossal brass doors sealed... lockdown protocol." Maros appears from the "High Observation Gallery." It is unclear if there is an internal staircase or if he bypassed the lockdown.
*   **FIX:** Add a brief clarifying phrase: "Maros emerged from the shadows of the lockdown passage, having descended the internal service-stair from the gallery."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Visual Reinforcement:** (Optional) When Thorne says "It’s calling you a 'thief of patterns'," adding a physical reaction from the Loom—a flare of light or a specific vibration—would tighten the link between his dialogue and the machine’s sentience.
*   **The Scent Metaphor:** (Optional) Since Liora avoids direct eye contact (per RAG), the scene where she leans her forehead against Thorne’s could be strengthened by emphasizing the smell of lanolin instead of their visual connection.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Character Tics:** Do NOT "clean up" Liora or Thorne’s repetitive use of "bind-bind-bind." This is an intentional marker of psychological stress and their burgeoning mental link.
*   **Fatalism:** Do NOT add a scene where Liora reassures Thorne that "it will be okay." This would violate her voice signature ("Never says 'Fate will decide' or is optimistic").
*   **The "Mark of the Heretic":** The indigo staining on Liora’s arm climbing past the bicep should not be treated as a simple bruise; it is a permanent arc-related physical change.

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### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 82**
**Justification:** While the character voices are exceptionally well-maintained and the atmospheric prose is strong, there are minor continuity issues regarding the timing of the "food refusal" and the physical logistics of Maros entering the sealed spindle floor that require surgical correction.