### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   "The safehouse floorboards creaked under Lena’s twitching fingers, the iron tang of New Orleans seeping through the walls like a poison fog, while Jax paced nearby, his bruised shoulder a stark reminder of their frantic escape." (Early)
    *   This opening successfully anchors the character's physical state of "The Severing" to the industrial environment, though the sentence structure is slightly overloaded with three distinct narrative weights.
*   "The tremors in her hands didn't vanish, but they dampened, the chaotic frequency of the city finding a grounding conductor in him." (Mid)
    *   This effectively demonstrates the character-state note that Lena’s tremors stop when she touches Jax, turning a mechanical rule into a moment of intimacy.
*   "She was trading the soul of the Bend for a crown of black glass." (Mid)
    *   A strong, evocative metaphor that reinforces Lena’s "meandering" bayou-root speech style and sets the stakes of the conflict with Maribelle.
*   "Lena felt the panic rising, a frantic 'no no, not that, no no' blooming in her chest." (Late)
    *   This line directly utilizes the "imperfection signature" from the character sheet to signal a shift from rational dialogue to internal panic.
*   "The locket burned hot against her skin, humming louder than the city’s growl, as a shadow uncoiled from the alley—watching, waiting, no longer hidden by her lost sight." (Late)
    *   The closing image creates a sharp "cliffhanger" while playing on the "Urban Wall" concept, though the logic of her "seeing" it while "blind" requires a slight clarity check.

---

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT
**Lena Duval**
*   **Quote:** "Gator’s truth, I feel like I’m drowning in dry air."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. Uses "Gator’s truth" and "mon coeur."
*   **Forbidden Patterns:** YES. She does not apologize for her weakness or the burden she places on Jax.
*   **Emotional Register:** YES. Her "meandering" explanation of Phlegethon matches her 45% arc position as a "crippled survivor" finding her footing.

**Jax Harlan**
*   **Quote:** "I used to think you were just eccentric, Duval. Or high on swamp gas."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. His voice remains "sandpaper-rough" and skeptical yet protective.
*   **Forbidden Patterns:** YES. He avoids magical terminology, sticking to mechanical metaphors like "radio losing its signal."
*   **Emotional Register:** YES. Matches his 20% arc (moving from "escort" to "shared fate").

---

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Tactile Grounding:** The scene where Lena touches Jax’s ankle ("her fingers fumbling blindly until they brushed the heavy canvas of his boot") perfectly aligns with her character sheet requirement to "reach for" tactile sensations to ground herself.
*   **The Urban Wall Concept:** The description of the city as "a cage of wires and cold metal" that "cuts the breath right out of me" effectively dramatizes the world-state rules regarding Lena’s magical withdrawal.
*   **Industrial Frequency Logic:** The specific detail of the locket vibrating "in sync perfectly with the distant rattling of a streetcar" is a vital payoff for the "Known Secrets" listed in the RAG context.

---

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The locket burned hot against her skin... as a shadow uncoiled from the alley... no longer hidden by her lost sight."
*   **PROBLEM:** The world-state and "Open Loops" explicitly state Lena is "blind to the supernatural." If she is blind to the supernatural, she shouldn't be able to see a shadow that is "no longer hidden." This contradicts the earlier statement: "Her eyes, stripped of their ability to see the shimmering auras of the supernatural, saw only the mundane world."
*   **FIX:** Clarify that she sees a physical displacement or a mundane shadow, rather than the supernatural entity itself. "The locket burned hot... as a figure stepped into the orange glow—a mundane shape that felt like a predator, no longer needing to hide from a girl who could no longer see its true, twisted soul."

---

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "She grabbed a discarded scrap of burlap from a corner—something natural, something not made in a factory—and wrapped it tightly around the locket, trying to muffle the vibration."
*   **PROBLEM:** Burlap is a manufactured textile (jute or hemp processed in factories). While "natural" in fiber, the phrasing "not made in a factory" is logically inconsistent with the setting of a grimy city safehouse.
*   **FIX:** "She grabbed a discarded scrap of burlap... something coarse and organic, a skin of plant fiber to shield her from the iron pulse of the room, and wrapped it tightly around the locket."

---

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **OPTIONAL:** Regarding the phrase "Project Phlegethon... it isn't just about docks and condos." (Mid). Given Lena’s deep bayou roots and hatred of the "Urban," she might use a more derisive term for developers. 
    *   *Quote:* "It isn't just about docks and condos." 
    *   *Proposed:* "It isn't just about pouring concrete over the crawfish holes and building their glass cages."

---

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Verbal Tics:** Do not remove "no no, not that, no no." This is her designated panic signature.
*   **Meandering Dialogue:** Lena’s explanation of Project Phlegethon is long and winding; do not "tighten" this, as the profile specifies she is "meandering like swamp vines when reminiscing" or explaining.
*   **Lack of Apology:** Do not add "I'm sorry" to Lena's lines when she leans on Jax. She "owns her words fully," including her needs.

---

### 8. VERDICT: REVISE
**SCORE: 88**
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter is tonally perfect and hits all character voice markers, but requires a small fix regarding the continuity of Lena’s "supernatural blindness" in the final paragraph to ensure the world-state rules are consistently applied.