### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Early:** "The 'Urban Wall' pressed in on her, the hum of fluorescent lights and the distant throb of the electrical grid sounding like hornets trapped in her skull."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively visceral imagery reinforces the "Urban Wall" world-building and the sensory agony of the Severing.
*   **Mid:** "She’s trading the soul of the Bend for a crown of black glass."
    *   *Commentary:* This evocative metaphor succinctly captures Maribelle’s villainous motivations while maintaining the Cajun-gothic tone.
*   **Mid:** "She grabbed a discarded scrap of burlap from a corner—something natural, something not made in a factory—and wrapped it tightly around the locket, trying to muffle the vibration."
    *   *Commentary:* This reinforces Lena’s character profile requirement to reach for tactile, organic materials to ground herself.
*   **Late:** "The Urban Wall didn't just dampen her power; it draped a shroud over her intuition."
    *   *Commentary:* This clarifies the stakes of her "blindness," showing that her loss is not just magical utility but basic survival instinct.
*   **Late:** "The locket was screaming now, a metallic screeching in her senses that told her she was looking right at a predator she could no longer perceive."
    *   *Commentary:* This creates a strong suspenseful beat, translating a psychic threat into a physical, horrifying sensory paradox.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Character: Lena Duval**
*   **Line:** "I know... I know, no no, I know."
    *   **Signature vocab/tics?** YES (Uses mandatory panic repetition: "no no... no no").
    *   **Avoids forbidden patterns?** YES (Does not apologize or say "I give up").
    *   **Consistent emotional register?** YES (Reflects Chapter 5's state of "The Severing" exhaustion).
*   **Line:** "Gator’s truth, I feel like I’m drowning in dry air."
    *   **Signature vocab/tics?** YES (Uses "Gator's truth" to state an undeniable fact).

**Character: Jax Harlan**
*   **Line:** "I used to think you were just eccentric, Duval. Or high on swamp gas."
    *   **Signature vocab/tics?** YES (Maintains his "skeptic boat captain" identity while acknowledging the magic).
    *   **Avoids forbidden patterns?** YES.
    *   **Consistent emotional register?** YES (Shows his transition from escort to shared fate as per ch-05 arc).

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Tactile Grounding:** The scene where Lena touches Jax’s boot ("her fingers fumbling blindly until they brushed the heavy canvas of his boot") is essential to the character profile's requirement that she reaches for the tactile to ground herself.
*   **The Locket Mechanics:** The detail that the locket vibrates in sync with industrial noise ("synced perfectly with the distant rattling of a streetcar") is a specific "Known Secret" from the RAG context that must be maintained.
*   **Dialect Integration:** The use of "mon coeur" and "cher" at the end of the chapter appropriately signals Lena's growing trust in Jax, adhering to her specific relationship rules.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The moment her skin met his, the world stilled."
*   **PROBLEM:** This is too absolute. Per the RAG Context for Jax (Known Secrets), his touch *dampens* her tremors, it doesn't solve the "world." Additionally, per the "Urban Wall" world rule, the city noise is a constant physical illness.
*   **FIX:** "The moment her skin met his, the world didn't quiet, but the violent edge of it blunted."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "She’s complicit, helping them clear the 'metaphysical brush' while they bring in the bulldozers."
*   **PROBLEM:** The phrase "metaphysical brush" is jargon-heavy and lacks the bayou-flavored weight of Lena's usual speech. It feels like authorial exposition rather than a character's realization.
*   **FIX:** "She’s helping them thin out the spirits like they're hacking through old brambles, clearing the path so the bulldozers can roll in unopposed."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Suggestion:** Enhance the grounding detail during her recovery.
    *   **Quote:** "Lena stood, her legs feeling like wet clay."
    *   **Improvement:** Adding a scent detail here would align with the profile's note about her smelling of magnolia and mud. *Example: "Lena stood, her legs feeling like wet clay, the sudden scent of mud rising from her skin as she fought the city's sterile dust."*

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT remove verbal repetitions:** Phrases like "I know... I know, no no, I know" and "no no, not that, no no" are mandatory imperfections for Lena's panic state.
*   **Do NOT "clean up" speech:** The Cajun French endearments and Bayou-specific metaphors (e.g., "slow-moving Bayou Chevreuil during a summer drought") are vital voice signatures.
*   **Do NOT resolve the tremors:** The "Severing" is an active world event for Chapter 5 and must remain debilitating.

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### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 88**
**Justification:** The chapter follows the Character Sheet and RAG Context with high fidelity, but requires minor revisions to strictly adhere to the "dampening" nature of touch (Continuity) and to refine one clunky metaphor (Clarity) before it fully aligns with the world-building rules.