### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **"The Great Hum thrummed through Lena's bones like a second heartbeat, dragging her eyes open to the cavern's glow-veined dark." (Early)**: This effectively establishes the sensory consequence of the "Permanent" world state change while grounding the reader in Lena's physicality.
*   **"Moss—thick, bioluminescent, and unnervingly soft—had already begun to creep over her forearms, stitching her to the floor of the Belly." (Early)**: This vivid imagery visualizes her "Permanent" arc status as being physically bound to the geography.
*   **"The blood that welled up wasn't purely red; it had a shimmering, oily sheen to it, like moonlight on a grease fire." (Mid)**: This simile perfectly captures the "Machine-Witch" aesthetic, blending the natural (moonlight) with the industrial (grease fire).
*   **"Lena stood her ground, her silver scars flaring until they blinded the dark. She leaned into the Hum, into the marrow-deep connection that bound her to every root and ripple of Cypress Bend." (Late)**: This reinforces her transformation into the Warden while maintaining the "tactile" reach characteristic of her magic.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Lena Duval**
*   **Quote:** *"Gator's truth, Jax—part of me is. The part that wanted to see New Orleans again."*
*   **Signature vocabulary/tics?** YES ("Gator's truth").
*   **Avoids forbidden patterns?** YES (No "sorry if...", no "I give up").
*   **Consistent emotional register?** YES (Resigned and anchored as per the ch-12 state).
*   **Constraint Check:** She uses "cher" and "mon couer" only for those she cares for; she uses "cher" for Jax in this scene (*"Hush, cher"*), which aligns with her 90% bond with him.

**Jax Harlan**
*   **Quote:** *"Wanna see a man run? Try a different man," Jax muttered...*
*   **Signature vocabulary/tics?** YES (Consistent with his "brooding outsider" role from RAG context).
*   **Avoids forbidden patterns?** YES.
*   **Consistent emotional register?** YES (Fiercely protective but physically "exhausted/raw").

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Magic System:** The description of the blood oath (*"shimmering, oily sheen... like moonlight on a grease fire"*) reinforces the specific "Machine-Witch/Bayou Binding" hybrid nature of the project's magic.
*   **The "Life-Debt" Integration:** The narrative successfully pays off the "UNPAID" debt from Ch-11 context through a physical ritual: *"I owe you a life-debt, Jax Harlan. A Duval don't leave a ledger unbalanced."*
*   **Physical Grounding:** The recurring mention of Lena's tactile relationship with the environment (*"fingers trailing through the glowing moss"*) adheres strictly to the Voice Signature requirement for what she "REACHES FOR."

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** *"Lena pressed her bleeding palm against his raw, battered knuckles. The contact was an explosion."*
*   **PROBLEM:** Per the RAG Context for Ch-12, the life-debt Jax owed Lena was "PAID (the siege has ended)," but Lena states she owes Jax a life-debt for his defense. The context says: *"Owes Jax Harlan a life-debt for his defense during her transcendence (ch-11) -- UNPAID."* The current text resolves this, but Lena’s dialogue *"A Duval don't leave a ledger unbalanced"* implies it is being paid *now* through the blessing. However, the world state says Jax "needs the land's permission." Use of magic typically drains Lena (per RAG limitations).
*   **FIX:** Ensure the ritual is clearly framed as the *payment* of the debt mentioned in the Ch-12 Character State, rather than just a protective measure. (The current text handles this well, but ensure the "draining" aspect of her magic—"magic drains her vitality"—is more visible in her physical reaction immediately after the chant).

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** *"The Harmonic Bleed was reversing, the land trying to claw back what had been stolen as the structural integrity of the cavern began to fail."*
*   **PROBLEM:** In the World State RAG, "Harmonic Bleed" is defined as a process where the Siphon steals vitality for upper districts. If it is "reversing," it implies the land is taking energy *back* from the city. This is a massive plot point that happens very quickly in a single sentence amidst a cave-in.
*   **FIX:** Add one sentence clarifying the consequence to the Upper Districts. *"The Harmonic Bleed was reversing... somewhere in the high-rises of the city, the lights were going dark as the swamp snatched its soul back."*

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Suggestion:** Lean harder into Lena’s "Imperfection signature" (repeating words when panicked).
*   **Quote:** *"No no, not that... no no..."*
*   **Reason:** This is used once in the draft. During the final collapse, adding a "No, no" or "Hold on, hold on" would heighten the tension and adhere closer to the provided voice signature for "panicked" states.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Cajun French:** Do not remove "cher" or "mon coeur." These are essential markers of her care.
*   **Verbal Tics:** "Gator's truth" and "By the bayou's bones" are mandatory voice signatures and must not be edited for "variety."
*   **Lena's "Cold" Temp:** The RAG state notes her temperature dropped to a "steady hum." Do not describe her as "flushed" or "burning with fever" in a traditional sense; her heat is "Machine-Witch fever," which is described correctly as "vibrating" or "metallic."

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### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 88**
**Justification:** The chapter is exceptionally strong and honors nearly all RAG voice and state requirements. However, a REVISE is required to address the technical clarity of the "Harmonic Bleed" reversal (Section 5), which is a major world-building event currently buried in a subordinate clause. Clarifying the "Machine-Witch" vitality drain (Section 4) will also align the scene better with the "Magic Limitations" in the character sheet.