### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
"The vault door sealed behind them with a final, resonant *thoom* that vibrated through Sarah's teeth, locking them in with the source of the Whisper." (Early)
- **Commentary:** This effectively establishes the "Bone-Conduction Law" and the physical stakes of the environment immediately.

"The chair elongated, its molecular structure seemingly losing its grip on Euclidean geometry." (Mid)
- **Commentary:** While it conveys the "Geometric Dissolution" established in the world state, the word "seemingly" weakens the impact of what should be a visceral, objective horror.

"His biological matter was hemorrhaging into pure frequency." (Late)
- **Commentary:** This vividly illustrates the "Somatic Dissolution" and "Toll of Conductors" mentioned in the project rules.

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT
**Sarah Miller**
- **Quote:** "Elias, empirically speaking, radio ghosts aren't a thing—unless this damn hum in my skull says otherwise." (Note: This is the provided example line; in the text, she says: "Elias, move the light... Empirically speaking, a vault of this density shouldn't permit that much acoustic bleed...")
- **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. She uses "empirically speaking," "data doesn't lie," and "from a rational standpoint."
- **Avoid Forbidden Speech:** YES. She maintains an analytical tone and avoids flowery supernatural affirmations.
- **Emotional Register:** YES. She transitions from minor stress to "what the actual fuck?!" as per her stress scale.

**Elias Thorne**
- **Quote:** "It isn't leaking, Sarah... It’s breathing. Can’t you feel the weight?" (Early)
- **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. He focuses on the "weight" and the "Great Silence" as per the RAG world state.
- **Avoid Forbidden Speech:** YES.
- **Emotional Register:** YES. He is at the point of terminal integration, consistent with his "wet iron" status in the world state.

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
- **Adherence to Technical Rules:** The prose consistently applies the "Bone-Conduction Law." Reference: "vibrated through her jawbone, a haptic transmission that shook her skull." (Late)
- **Atmospheric Transformation:** The transition of Elias from human to waveform is the peak of the horror elements. Reference: "He was a silhouette of shimmering, dark liquid—a mass of 'wet iron' scented waveforms..." (Late)

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
- **ORIGINAL:** "The plastic casing was becoming translucent, the edges blurring into a grey mist. 'My equipment... th-the casing is undergoesing a state-change.'" (Late)
- **PROBLEM:** Typo/Grammar error: "undergoesing" is not a word. Likely a hybrid of "undergoing" and "undergoes."
- **FIX:** "...the casing is undergoing a state-change."

- **ORIGINAL:** "To the Archive, they had never existed... Digital ink vanished; paper files in locked cabinets turned to grey ash." (Late)
- **PROBLEM:** The project context for World State: ch-10 states "The Archive: EXTINCT. All personnel absorbed or neutralized." If the organization is already extinct/neutralized, the active erasing of records "to the Archive" suggests there is still an Archive to observe these changes.
- **FIX:** "The records of Sarah Miller and Elias Thorne blinked out of the planetary record. Employee files, birth certificates, payroll data—everything was excised from the timeline by the signal itself."

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
- **ORIGINAL:** "The Singularity reached its zenith. The Vault had become a total aperture, and the cellar had fully detached from the terrestrial plane..." (Late)
- **PROBLEM:** The transition from the "Archive" server room back to the cellar is jarringly fast, making the "Singularity" feel like an abstract concept rather than the physical event Sarah is experiencing.
- **FIX:** Add a connective phrase: "As their history vanished from the world above, the Singularity reached its zenith in the dark below."

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
- **Improvement:** In the mid-section, the phrase "Hmm, that’s peculiar" is Sarah's minor stress tic, but the situation (a chair stretching out of Euclidean geometry) warrants her "upset" or "furious" register. 
- **Verbatim Quote:** "A heavy oak chair... was being pulled by an invisible tide... 'Hmm, that’s peculiar,' Sarah muttered." (Mid)
- **Suggestion:** Shift her response to "This defies all logic!" to better match the visual extremity of the scene.

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
- **Sarah’s Stuttering:** "Th-this frequency..." and "th-the casing" must be kept, as it is her defined "Imperfection signature" triggered by audio feedback.
- **Repetitive Technical Phrasing:** The use of "frequency," "harmonic," and "14Hz" is foundational to the genre and world logic; do not replace with synonyms.

### 8. VERDICT
**SCORE: 88**
**REVISE**
The chapter captures the "Bone-Conduction Law" and character voices perfectly, but requires correction for a critical typo ("undergoesing") and a minor continuity clash regarding the "Extinct" status of the Archive.