### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "Blood welled from the gash in Liora's palm, indigo residue swirling into crimson threads that dripped onto the silver shards scattered across the Weaving Chamber floor."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the "weaving" motif through physical injuries and sets the color palette of the magic system immediately.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "Behind her eyelids, she could still see the silver light of her parents' unbinding—the way their threads hadn't just snapped, but had dissolved into a chaotic white void, leaving her alone in a house that smelled of burnt ozone."
    *   *Commentary:* This provides necessary backstory and emotional stakes while maintaining the sensory "smell" of magic (ozone) established earlier.
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "Thorne wasn't just a man; he was a mountain of iron. He was the smell of rain on hot asphalt and the terrifying freedom of a falling stone."
    *   *Commentary:* The prose uses evocative, grounded metaphors to describe the sensory overload of the Soul-Link, effectively conveying the "weight" mentioned in the world-building.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "She had tried to bind him to the Conclave, but she had only succeeded in tethering herself to the storm."
    *   *Commentary:* A strong closing line that summarizes the chapter's irony and shifts the power dynamic from external ritual to internal connection.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Liora Voss**
*   **Line:** "You can't just pull at fate's hem like it's your favorite cloak—watch the weave, or it'll unravel us both."
*   **Signature Vocab/Tics?** YES. Uses "weave," "unravel," and "fate's hem."
*   **Forbidden Speech?** YES. She avoids optimism; her tone is fatalistic.
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. Consistent with "frantic and fatalistic" and the "bind-bind-bind" internal mantra when panicked.

**Thorne Quill**
*   **Line:** "You look a bit frayed at the edges, Weaver."
*   **Signature Vocab/Tics?** YES. Mocking tone, uses "frayed" to needle her profession.
*   **Forbidden Speech?** N/A (No specific forbidden list provided, but follows the "defiant and observant" profile).
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. Transitions from mocking to "sharp, more observant" as he realizes she can see the Thirteenth Strand.

**Elder Maros**
*   **Line:** "The subject’s soul has rejected the Binder’s touch. A dirty soul indeed."
*   **Signature Vocab/Tics?** YES. Uses "purify" and "dirty soul," aligning with the Conclave's "moral failing" dogma.
*   **Forbidden Speech?** N/A.
*   **Emotional Register?** YES. Exhibits "predatory satisfaction" and "shark-like stillness."

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **The Physicality of Magic:** The description of magic as something with weight and texture—"slick with a grease that didn't belong to the lanolin" (Mid)—is a unique tactile element.
*   **Internal Mantra:** The repetition of "Bind-bind-bind" (Mid/Late) successfully conveys Liora’s trauma-driven OCD/panic without needing to explicitly state her mental state.
*   **The Thirteenth Strand Visual:** The description of it as a "shifting, iridescent void-color that moved with its own gravity" (Mid) creates a clear, high-stakes visual anomaly for the reader.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The air still carried the sharp, metallic ozone of the rupture, a scent that fought with the omnipresent, suffocating sweetness of lanolin and the earthy tang of the vats." (Early)
*   **PROBLEM:** In the Character Sheet, it states Liora "Always smells faintly of lanolin and indigo dye." In the text, lanolin is described as having a "suffocating sweetness." Lanolin (sheep wool grease) is generally described as musky, fatty, or "sheep-like," but rarely *sweet*.
*   **FIX:** Change "sweetness" to "heaviness" or "musk" to align with the actual smell of lanolin and the earthy indigo vats.

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The mechanics are off. A snag in the gears." (Mid) vs "The Loom... it won't take the silver." (Late)
*   **PROBLEM:** The physical interaction between the Loom, the silver needles, and Liora's hands is slightly blurred. First, she says it was a "mechanical failure," but it was clearly the "Thirteenth Strand" repelling the silver.
*   **FIX:** Clarify if the needles were *part* of the Loom or handheld. 
    *   *Correction:* "I can't use the needles—the Loom's feed is jammed with the silver residue."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Optional:** Expand on the "Frayback" static.
    *   **Quote:** "Peripheral frayback was creeping in, a familiar, terrifying static that blurred the edges..." (Early).
    *   **Reason:** Since this is a core mechanic of her "over-binding" limit, a brief mention of her vision stuttering or a literal sound of static would heighten the immediate tension of her blood-loss.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do NOT remove the repetitive "Bind-bind-bind."** This is a specific character flaw/signature listed in the voice profile ("repeats key words obsessively when panicked").
*   **Do NOT soften Liora's fatalism.** Her refusal to say "It'll all work out" is a hard constraint of her identity.
*   **Do NOT make the magic feel "cleaner."** The "grease," "blood-indigo mixture," and "blackened metal" are central to the dark-industrial aesthetic of the Conclave.

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### 8. VERDICT

**SCORE: 92**
**REVISE**

**Justification:** The chapter is tonally perfect and adheres strictly to the character profiles and voice signatures provided. However, the contradiction regarding the scent of lanolin as "sweet" (Must-Fix: Continuity) and the slight mechanical ambiguity of the Loom's failure (Must-Fix: Clarity) require minor adjustments before the chapter is finalized. Once the lanolin description is corrected and the needle-Loom relationship is sharpened, this is a very strong opening.