### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Magic System’s Visceral Cost:** The description of the *Thinning* (Lines 34-37) is excellent. Trading a specific memory (mother’s eyes crinkling) for five seconds of composure immediately establishes the stakes.
*   **Dorian’s Voice Signature:** The character matches his profile perfectly. His refusal to use contractions (except when rattled) and his verbal tic of clicking his tongue (Line 57) are well-executed. Specifically, the line: *"A remarkably reckless use of Chrono-Weaving for such a trivial result"* (Line 42) perfectly captures his measured, rhythmic, and clinical tone. 
*   **Lyra’s Tactile Grounding:** The use of counting (*"One, two, three, four"*) and her focus on the charcoal under her fingernails (Line 18) maintains the sensory-heavy perspective required for her character.
*   **Voice Differentiation:** **YES.** Dorian’s dialogue is analytical and polysyllabic (*"Explain the derivation of your entry"*), while Lyra’s is rhythmic but more grounded in the physical reality of her trauma (*"The pattern is fraying. Fix the tension"*).

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Cufflink Habit Inconsistency:** In the Voice Signature profile, it states Dorian adjusts his cufflink when he is **lying or withholding information**. However, in Line 85, he adjusts it when he is genuinely shocked/rattled by the Oakhaven map. 
    *   *Correction:* In Line 85, have him perform a different stress tell or simply tighten his grip on the cufflink until his knuckles turn white, rather than the "adjusting" motion associated with deceit.
*   **Contraction Slip:** In Line 121, Dorian says: *"You'll die outside these walls."* According to his Voice Signature, he never uses contractions unless physically exhausted or in extreme pain. At this point, he is rattled but not physically compromised.
    *   *Correction:* Change to *"You will die outside these walls."*
*   **The Shadow-Bind Logic:** Dorian’s profile says he cannot create threads from nothing; he requires existing shadows or physical fibers. The text says a ribbon of shadow *"shot across the floor"* (Line 48).
    *   *Correction:* Specify that the ribbon emerged from the shadow of a bookshelf or the corner of the room to align with his limitation.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The Door/Wall Transition:** Line 11 states: *"Behind me, where the door should have been, there was only a wall of shimmering, vertical threads."* It isn't clear if the door disappeared or if Lyra entered through a portal that has now closed.
    *   *Fix:* Add one sentence describing Lyra’s realization that the way she came in has been "re-woven" or "occluded" by the Archive’s shifting geometry.
*   **The "Thorne Signature" Reveal:** In Line 89, Dorian identifies a "tri-knot" as a Thorne family signature. Since Lyra drew the map, it implies she knew this signature or drew it unconsciously.
    *   *Fix:* Add a brief internal beat where Lyra wonders why she felt compelled to draw that specific knot—was it in her instructions, or was it a "leak" from her own Chrono-weaving sense?

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Visualizing the "Thinning":** At the moment Lyra loses the memory of her mother (Line 36), a stronger physical sensation—perhaps a coldness in the chest or a visual flickering of her own hand—would emphasize her 20% arc state (her "curse" being a commodity).
*   **The Vault's Reaction:** The World State context mentions the "Resonating Archive" shifting its internal geometry. Having a shelf hum or a light flare when the map hits the floor (Line 79) would better integrate the setting as an active participant.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "fix" Lyra's repetitive counting.** The "one, two, three, four" is a core meditative tic for her magic/trauma and must remain.
*   **Do not add "I'm sorry" to Dorian's dialogue.** Even when he admits Oakhaven was his home’s shroud, he must remain unapologetic and clinical as per his "Never" rule.
*   **Do not smooth out the "clumsy" vs "precise" movement.** Lyra feeling clumsy (Line 5) while the system says she is never clumsy is a character *perception* of her trauma, not a writer error. Keep the internal feeling of clumsiness to highlight her mental state.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

**Reasoning:** Character voice is 90% there, but the contraction slip in Dorian’s dialogue and the inconsistency with his cufflink "lie tell" need to be tightened to maintain the integrity of the AI-native character profiles. Additionally, the source of the shadows for the Blind Stitch needs to be grounded in the environment to follow the established magic rules.