### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The silence hit like a hammer after the gears' final scream, leaving only the low thrum of the Siphon’s new heartbeat echoing through the dripping cathedral of Sector 4."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the shift in atmosphere from the chaos of the previous chapter to the eerie, rhythmic "new normal" of the transformed machine.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "It was gone. In its place was a blackened, fused lump of copper and casing, melted directly into the ancient iron teeth of the Siphon."
    *   *Commentary:* The physical description provides a clear visual for the "Permanent" world state change noted in the context (The Scrambler Box has melted into the ironwork).
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "She hummed a low, vibrating note—a mimicry of the Siphon’s new heartbeat. From the surface of the stagnant water, a thick, white fog began to boil."
    *   *Commentary:* This illustrates her "Mastery" arc by showing her synthesizing her magic with the mechanical frequency she just witnessed.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "Jax reached out, his hand gripping hers, his thumb brushing over the salt-scab on her palm. He didn't look at the lights; he looked at her."
    *   *Commentary:* This grounding moment reinforces Jax’s "protective stance" and the "salt-tithe" obligation established in the metadata.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Lena Duval**
*   **Line:** *"You held the line. Gator’s truth, I didn't think you'd stay when the ghosts started screaming."*
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** **YES.** Uses the required "gator's truth" for an undeniable fact.
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** **YES.** She does not apologize or say "I give up."
*   **Emotional Register:** **YES.** Displays the "hollowed-out clarity" and "bone-deep lethargy" mentioned in her character state.

**Jax Harlan**
*   **Line:** *"Gator's truth, Lena—ain't no runnin' alone no more."*
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** **NO.** Rule violation found.
*   **Violation:** Jax uses the phrase "Gator's truth." Per the Voice Signature, "Gator's truth" is a specific verbal tic belonging to **Lena Duval** to state facts about nature/people. Jax using it here feels like the author leaking Lena’s voice into Jax’s dialogue.
*   **Emotional Register:** **YES.** Shows the "abandoned tactical skepticism" noted in his 65% arc progression.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **The Sensory Anchor:** The recurring scent of "magnolia and ozone" (quoted in the mid-section: *"She smelled the magnolia suddenly—overpowering and sweet, clashing with the ozone"*) perfectly aligns with the character sheet and provides a consistent grounding for her magic.
*   **The Physical Manifestation of Magic:** The "salt-scab" on the palm (quoted early: *"Her palm... was a hard knot of salt-scabbed skin"*) is a visceral, tactile detail that maintains continuity with Chapter 8's blood-oath.
*   **The Mechanical-Magical Synthesis:** The moment Lena wrenches the fused box free (*"The iron ate the spark, the spark woke the iron"*) is a strong payoff for her Arc progression toward "Mastery."

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** *"I owe you, Jax Harlan. You stood in the dark for me." She reached for the silver locket... She took his hand... and pressed a salt-stained coin... into his palm... "Salt-tithe," she murmured.*
*   **PROBLEM:** The world state/character state notes specifically state: "Active obligations: Owes Jax survival via salt-tithe (Ch-08) -- UNPAID." While the scene *intends* to fix this, the context states the salt-tithe is a "survival via salt-tithe," and her magic discipline is "blood-oaths." Simply giving a coin feels like a traditional human gesture rather than the magical "tithe" the world-building suggests is a binding requirement of her power. More importantly, she technically "pays" it here, but the metadata lists it as an open loop.
*   **FIX:** Ensure the prose emphasizes that this is a *binding* exchange that satisfies the magical debt. "With the coin, the weight on my soul lifted; the salt-tithe was settled."

*   **ORIGINAL:** *"Jax reached out... his thumb brushing over the salt-scab on her palm."*
*   **PROBLEM:** Per Lena’s Voice Signature, she "REACHES FOR" tactile sensations (moss, bark, water) but is generally isolated. Jax touching her specifically on her wound (the site of her magic) is a major intimacy shift.
*   **FIX:** Keep the touch, but emphasize her reaction—either a flinch or a deliberate acceptance—to reflect her "Fatal flaw: Stubborn independence that isolates her."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** *"Wait. The telemetry in the booth was lighting up red before I jumped."* (Paraphrased from mid-scene).
*   **PROBLEM:** The timing of the transition from Jax "scrambling down the catwalks" to the realization that patrols are coming is slightly rushed. It isn't clear how much time has passed between the gear-jam and the Terrebonne response.
*   **FIX:** Add a brief mention of a blinking light or a distant siren earlier in the scene to build the tension before Jax mentions the telemetry.

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Optional (Late):** "Every step was a struggle. The lethargy was winning..."
*   **Suggestion:** Lean harder into the Cajun French endearments here to show Lena’s growing trust in Jax, as per her profile ("mon couer"). She uses "cher," but a second term during their escape would solidify the arc progression.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do Not Change:** Lena’s repetitive internal monologue (*"No no, not that, no no"*). This is her "Imperfection signature" and must remain.
*   **Do Not Change:** The "rhythmic, clipped" sentence structure during her fog spell. This is her "Sentence length pattern: clipped and rhythmic like bayou chants."
*   **Do Not Change:** The fact that the Siphon's transformation is "Permanent." Do not allow them to suggest "restarting" the machine in later edits.

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### 8. VERDICT

**VERDICT: REVISE**
**SCORE: 82**
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter is atmospheric and matches the project metadata well, but there is a significant **Character Voice Violation** where Jax uses Lena’s specific signature verbal tic ("Gator's truth"). Additionally, the "Salt-tithe" payment needs to be more explicitly tied to the magical mechanics of her discipline to ensure the "Open loop" from the RAG context is clearly closed.