### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "it felt heavy, saturated with the sharp, metallic tang of ozone and a cloying scent of 'wet copper'—the unmistakable smell of old blood and new electricity."
    *   **Commentary:** This effectively bridges the scientific and the supernatural by using industrial and biological sensory details to ground the "Whisper" signal's presence.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "Data doesn't lie, but your interpretation of it is leaping across canyons of sheer conjecture."
    *   **Commentary:** This line perfectly encapsulates Sarah’s internal conflict, using her "data" catchphrase while acknowledging the mounting irrationality of her situation.
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "A thin glime of frost began to crystallize on the brass dials of the 1950s-era receivers."
    *   **Commentary:** The use of "glime" (presumably a portmanteau or archaic variant of gleam/slime/rime) adds an unsettling, slightly "off" texture to the environmental description.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "The rhythmic thrumming spiked into a shrill, piercing squeal that forced her to drop the device... the play-counter spinning backward at an impossible speed."
    *   **Commentary:** This passage provides a clear, high-stakes visual and auditory manifestation of the "ghost-looping" lore established in the project context.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Sarah Miller**
*   **Quote:** "Elias, enough with the 1920s occult signatures... Data doesn't lie, but your interpretation of it is leaping across canyons of sheer conjecture."
*   **Signature vocabulary/tics:** **YES**. She uses "Data doesn't lie" as a pivot and employs "empirically speaking" later in the scene.
*   **Avoids forbidden patterns:** **YES**. She avoids flowery supernatural affirmations, maintaining a dismissive, analytical tone despite her fear.
*   **Emotional register:** **YES**. She is in the "reluctant observation" stage of her arc (5%), freezing analytically rather than panicking.

**Elias Thorne**
*   **Quote:** "Humidity doesn't mimic the Great Silence rituals of 1927, Sarah... They weren't just praying to the dark; they were providing it with a bellows."
*   **Signature vocabulary/tics:** **YES**. His speech reflects the "hyper-focused and paranoid" state, prioritizing intuition over scientific instruments.
*   **Avoids forbidden patterns:** **YES**. (No specific forbidden patterns listed for Elias, but he maintains the established 1920s occult fixation).
*   **Emotional register:** **YES**. He is 10% into his arc, fully committed to the supernatural hypothesis.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Consistency:** The transition from "ozone" to "wet copper" (Late) maintains the environmental constants established in the RAG (Sub-Level 4: smells of ozone and "wet copper").
*   **The "Breathing" Motif:** The description of the signal's rhythm—"Four seconds on, four seconds off. Expansion and contraction" (Early)—perfectly aligns with the "Awakening Signal" lore.
*   **Sarah’s Physicality:** Her recurring habit of "massaging her temples" (Early) and "rubbing her forehead" (Mid) keeps her audio-feedback headache as a constant, grounded stakes-driver.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The temperature in the room plummeted. A thin glime of frost began to crystallize on the brass dials..." (Late).
*   **PROBLEM:** The Environmental Constants state the temperature is "fixed at 48°F." While supernatural drops are common in the genre, the RAG specifies it is *fixed*. If the temperature plumets to the point of frost, it violates the "Fixed" constant unless explicitly noted as a localized supernatural breach.
*   **FIX:** "The temperature in the room, previously fixed at a constant forty-eight degrees, suddenly plummeted into a biting sub-zero chill. A thin glime of frost..."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "Vocalize... the void... between... the breath," they recited in unison. (Late).
*   **PROBLEM:** It is unclear if they are reading this from the "weathered, vellum-bound ledger" or if this is a spontaneous ritual. The transition from "He pointed to a line of phonetic script" to the actual English words feels disjointed.
*   **FIX:** Clarify that they are translating or phonetically speaking: "In a jarring, rhythmic unison, they sounded out the phonetic script from the ledger: 'Vocalize... the void... between... the breath.'"

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Refining Voice Matching:** (Late Quote: "Thorne... Elias... Thorne.") Since Sarah is the one with the recorder and the "internal dialogue logs" open loop, having the recorder play back a distorted version of *her* voice mimicking Elias might heighten the "mimicking" theme mentioned earlier ("It’s mimicking you").
*   **Clarification of "Glime":** (Late Quote: "A thin glime of frost"). While evocative, "glime" is not a standard English word. If the intended word was "rime" or "gleam," a correction would avoid a potential typo-read.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Sarah's Stammering:** "Th-this frequency defies all logic!" (Mid). Do NOT remove the "Th-" stammer; this is her specific Imperfection Signature when audio feedback triggers her headache.
*   **Technical Jargon vs. Occultism:** Do NOT smooth out the clash between Elias’s "Great Silence rituals" and Sarah’s "subterranean humidity." This cognitive dissonance is the core of their character dynamic.
*   **Rhythmic Repetition:** The repetition of "rhythmic, rhythmic static" (Mid) should stay; it mirrors the stabilization of the signal lore.

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### 8. VERDICT
**SCORE: 88**
**REVISE**
The chapter is atmospheric and adheres very closely to the complex character voice requirements (especially Sarah's skepticism and verbal tics). However, it requires a revision to address the "Fixed Temperature" world-rule violation and a slight clarity fix regarding the ritual dialogue to ensure the "occult signature" lore is properly integrated into the scene.