### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The safehouse walls pressed in like the Urban Wall's iron grip, Lena’s fingers clawing at Jax's sleeve as another tremor ripped through her gut." 
    *Critique:* Effectively establishes the physiological toll of the "Severing" while immediately grounding the reader in the claustrophobic setting.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "Phlegethon is the river of fire in the underworld," she murmured, her voice losing its edge, meandering like a slow-moving bayou creek."
    *Critique:* Excellent use of the character's voice signature instructions, utilizing the "meandering like swamp vines" pattern mentioned in the profile.
*   **Quote 3 (Mid):** "The city wasn't just iron and glass; it was a cage. 'No no, not that, no no,' she whispered, the panic fluttering in her chest like a trapped bird."
    *Critique:* Correctly employs the imperfection signature ("repeats words when panicked") established in the character sheet.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "A low, rhythmic thumping started against the glass of the window—the sound of a hundred heavy moths throwing themselves against the pane."
    *Critique:* This auditory detail reinforces the "paranoiac, heavy, industrial" mood while signaling the intrusion of Maribelle’s magic.
*   **Quote 5 (Late):** "Maribelle's voice slithered clear through the static, dripping with a terrifying, motherly honey."
    *Critique:* This line effectively bridges the gap between the character's internal "fracture" and the external threat of the Coven.

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Lena Duval**
*   **Quote:** "Gator's truth—I can't feel a thing beyond these four walls except the hum of the 'Wall."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES ("Gator's truth").
*   **Avoids Forbidden Patterns:** YES (Does not apologize; does not say "I give up").
*   **Consistent Emotional Register:** YES (Reflects her "cornered gator" state and the 50% arc point of the frequency shift).

**Jax Harlan**
*   **Quote:** "Lena, look at me. Breathe, damn it."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES (Uses low-grade, blunt commands typical of his "protector" role).
*   **Avoids Forbidden Patterns:** YES.
*   **Consistent Emotional Register:** YES (Hyper-vigilant and practical as per his 25% arc position).

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Tactile Grounding:** The use of physical contact as a anchor for Lena's magic loss is consistently applied, such as when she: "...reached out, her hand trembling so violently she nearly missed his arm. When her palm finally slammed against his forearm—skin on skin—the world jolted back into focus."
*   **The "Severing" Mechanics:** The depiction of her power loss as sensory overload/static rather than just "absence" is a unique world-building element that drives the tension. Specifically: "It was a hollow deafness, a vacuum where the world’s heartbeat used to be."
*   **Cajun Vernacular Placement:** The use of "cher" and "mon coeur" (though only "cher" is used here) is correctly reserved for moments of genuine vulnerability/connection with Jax: "The cypress don't lie, cher—the roots whisper what your heart's too stubborn to hear."

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "'The cypress don't lie, cher—the roots whisper what your heart's too stubborn to hear. And right now, those roots are screaming.'"
*   **PROBLEM:** Factual internal contradiction. In the same scene, Lena states she is "blind" and "deafened" to the supernatural pulse, yet here she claims to hear "the roots screaming." While it may be metaphorical, it clashes with the "hollow deafness" established in the previous paragraph.
*   **FIX:** "The cypress don't lie, cher—they used to whisper what the heart was too stubborn to hear. And right now, the silence where they used to be is screaming."

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "'The leak isn't a person, Captain Harlan. It’s the girl’s own blood. Every tremor she has is a beacon.'"
*   **PROBLEM:** This establishes that the "blood" is the leak, but then Malleus immediately contradicts this by saying the "machinery" tracked them. 
*   **FIX:** Combine the two concepts to show synergy: "'The leak isn't a person, Captain Harlan. It’s the girl’s own blood vibrating in sync with the city. The developers' machinery isn't just drilling for gas; it's tuned to her frequency. Every tremor she has is a beacon they can track on a screen.'"

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Optional:** Enhance the "smell" description. The profile states Lena "Always smells faintly of magnolia and mud." In the apothecary, the text mentions "dried sage and old vinegar." Adding a contrast line would strengthen the sensory conflict. 
    *   *Reference:* "The cool air of the shop, smelling of damp earth and crushed mint, fought against the faint scent of magnolia and swamp-mud that still clung to Lena’s skin."

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Verbal Tics:** Do not remove "Gator's truth" or "Hellfire."
*   **Stuttering/Panic Repetition:** "No no, not that, no no" must remain as it is her defined imperfection signature.
*   **Meandering Dialogue:** Lena’s tendency to drift into poeticisms like the "river of fire" explanation is an intentional voice choice reflecting her swamp-witch origins and should not be "tightened" for efficiency.

### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 82**
**Justification:** While the character voice is exceptionally well-maintained according to the style guide, there is a significant logic gap regarding how she can hear "screaming roots" while simultaneously being "deaf" to the supernatural, and the explanation for the "leak" needs to bridge the gap between magic (blood) and technology (machinery) more clearly to satisfy the chapter's "Frequency Shift" theme.