### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The air was heavy, thick as swamp-rot and sweet as crushed magnolias. It clung to her skin like a damp shroud."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the dual nature of the swamp—both decaying and beautiful—while grounding the scene in the character's sensory profile (magnolias and mud).
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "The blood that welled up wasn't purely red; it had a shimmering, oily sheen to it, like moonlight on a grease fire."
    *   *Commentary:* This visual metaphor perfectly captures the "Machine-Witch" fusion of natural biology and industrial/magical pollution.
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "A massive detonation roared through the upper tunnels, the sound a physical blow that knocked the breath from her lungs. Above them, the ancient limestone began to crack, a web of fractures spreading through the ceiling."
    *   *Commentary:* The prose here successfully shifts from the internal, mystical "Hum" to the external, high-stakes physical threat of the TDC demolition.

---

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Character: Lena Duval**
*   **Quote:** "Gator's truth, Jax—part of me is."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. Uses "Gator's truth" (undeniable fact) and Cajun French endearment "cher."
*   **Forbidden Speech:** YES. She does not apologize or say "I give up."
*   **Emotional Register:** YES. She is resigned and anchored, accepting her "permanent cage and crown" as the Warden.

**Character: Jax Harlan**
*   **Quote:** "Hellfire... That... that felt like being hit by a freight train filled with swamp water."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** N/A (Jax's profile does not list specific tics, but his "exhausted/loyal" register is met).
*   **Forbidden Speech:** YES.
*   **Emotional Register:** YES. He transitions from protective outsider to the "guardian-consort" identified in the RAG arc (90%).

---

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Grounding:** The insistence on the scent profile ("sweet as crushed magnolias" / "smelled of magnolia") maintains the specific requirement in the writer's notes that she always smells of magnolia and mud.
*   **The "Life-Debt" Beat:** The scene where Lena pricks her palm to bind Jax ("By the mud and the bone...") effectively addresses the "Unpaid Life-Debt" from the RAG character state while evolving their relationship into a magical contract.
*   **The "Hum" as Pacing Mechanism:** Using the Great Hum as both a physical sensation and a narrative alarm ("Lena felt a sudden, violent spike in the Great Hum") keeps the supernatural stakes tied to the physical environment.

---

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "She tried to curl her fingers, but they felt like lead. Moss... had already begun to creep over her forearms, stitching her to the floor of the Belly."
*   **PROBLEM:** Physical impossibility in later action. If she is "stitched to the floor" by moss, she cannot later "pull out a small, jagged piece of flint" from her pocket without first addressed the physical constraint of the moss.
*   **FIX:** Add a sentence before she sits up: "She tore her arms free from the clinging greenery, the moss snapping like wet thread, before she forced herself to sit up."

---

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "When the Drowned Man... when he went into you."
*   **PROBLEM:** This references a specific entity ("The Drowned Man") that is not explicitly defined in the provided RAG Context for Ch-11 or Ch-12. While it adds flavor, it creates a "Who?" moment for a scene that should focus on the transition to Warden.
*   **FIX:** Briefly clarify the connection to the ritual. "When the Drowned Man—the spirit of the ancient siphon—went into you."

---

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Improvement (Late):** "Charges? They’ll collapse the whole sector. This cavern is the hub."
    *   *Commentary:* Jax is a boat captain, not an architect. This line feels slightly too "info-dump." It would be stronger if he phrased it through his fear of the water/caverns: "Charges? They're gonna drop the whole swamp on our heads."
*   **Improvement (Mid):** Lena repeats "no no, not that, no no." 
    *   *Commentary:* This is her imperfection signature for panic. It works well, but could be triggered more clearly by the physical vibration of the ceiling to emphasize her loss of control.

---

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT "smooth out" Lena’s dialogue.** Her clipped, rhythmic speech during the oath ("By the mud and the bone... By the salt and the stone") is a mandatory voice-sig requirement and must not be made to sound like "standard" prose.
*   **Do NOT remove the verbal tics.** "Gator's truth" and "cher" are essential character markers and must be retained.
*   **Do NOT allow Lena to apologize.** Her refusal to say "sorry" even when putting Jax in danger is a key character trait.

---

### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**Score: 88**
**Justification:** The chapter captures the atmospheric and voice requirements exceptionally well, but contains a minor physical continuity error regarding the moss "stitching" her to the floor followed by unaddressed movement, and introduces an undefined entity (The Drowned Man) late in the arc that requires a brief clarifying beat.