### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The Threshold was humming a low, jagged note that tasted of copper and ozone."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively uses synesthesia to establish the high-stakes, sensory-heavy atmosphere of the magical feedback.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "Gravity didn't just fail; it became subjective. For a second, Liora felt as if she were falling upward toward the High Observation Gallery, her boots losing purchase on the metal grate."
    *   *Commentary:* This passage illustrates the "Indigo Contagion" world-rule through physical action rather than exposition.
*   **Quote 3 (Mid):** "The Dirty Circuit groaned, a mechanical heave that shook the entire Conclave."
    *   *Commentary:* The personification of the machine as a living, straining entity reinforces the "low-level sentience" established in the world state.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "She had spent ten years trying to fix every connection, trying to ensure that no one else would ever unbind in front of her."
    *   *Commentary:* This efficiently bridges the character's internal "Wound" (the loss of her parents) with her current external conflict.
*   **Quote 5 (Late):** "And now, she was tethering herself to a man who seemed to be falling in love with the abyss."
    *   *Commentary:* This provides a sharp, thematic summary of the evolving dynamic between Liora and Thorne.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Liora Voss**
*   **Quote:** "You can't bind what wants to be fed," (Wait—this is actually Thorne's line, Liora responds with:) "Don't give into the metaphor, Thorne. It’s a tool. We bind it, or it breaks us."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** **YES.** She uses "bind or break" (early) and "The red thread whispers betrayal" (mid).
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** **YES.** She does not use "Fate will decide" or show unwarranted optimism.
*   **Emotional Register:** **YES.** She is clipped, tactical, and physically exhausted.

**Thorne Quill**
*   **Quote:** "I'm here, Weaver... But the Loom... it isn't a machine, Liora. It’s a map. And we’re just the ink."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** **YES.** His "predatory surge of focus" and "vibrating at the same frequency" match his physical state.
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** **N/A** (No specific "Never say" for Thorne).
*   **Emotional Register:** **YES.** He is hyper-attuned to the Loom, reflecting the "sentient anchor" arc position.

**Elder Maros**
*   **Quote:** "The Purists are at the gates of the Inner Sanctum. They speak of infection. They speak of a purge."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** **YES.** He leans on his "bone-white cane," a key physical descriptor from his profile.
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** **N/A.**
*   **Emotional Register:** **YES.** He sounds "politically panicked" and "manipulative," consistent with his 20% arc state.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Visceral Magic Feedback:** The description of Liora’s physical degradation—"Ocular hemorrhaging... left palm aperture pulsing violet; indigo staining reaching mid-bicep"—perfectly maintains the character state from the RAG database.
*   **The "Dirty Circuit" Mechanics:** The scene where Liora uses herself as a "transformer" to throw energy to Thorne ("Liora plunged her violet-pulsing palm into the primary interface") vividly depicts the "UNPAID" obligations they owe each other.
*   **Dialogue Tension:** The exchange with Maros ("I have bought you time," vs. "Keep your Purists at bay, Maros") successfully escalates the political stakes while maintaining Liora's defiant voice.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The voice didn't come from the link with Thorne. It was deeper. It was the machine. She ignored it..." (Middle)
*   **PROBLEM:** The World State explicitly says the Loom consciousness is "currently only audible to Thorne." Liora, even with the Thirteenth Strand, should not be hearing the machine's primary voice yet, or it needs to be established as a frightening "first" for her.
*   **FIX:** Emphasize that Liora *feels* the vibration but cannot decode it, highlighting her frustration that Thorne can hear what she cannot. Rewrite: "The vibration didn't come from Thorne. It was a subsonic thrum from the machine—a pulse she couldn't translate, but one she knew Thorne was decoding."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The integration was at twenty-five percent. She had survived the first true resonance, but the cost was etched into her very cells." (Late)
*   **PROBLEM:** "Twenty-five percent" is a meta-data point from the Character Arc profile. Dropping it directly into the narrative without a clear measuring device (a dial, a gauge, a sensory scale) feels like a "stats" break in a high-fantasy/steampunk prose style.
*   **FIX:** "The resonance-tally on the Spindle’s brass casing hummed; the integration had reached the first quarter-mark. She had survived..."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Suggestion:** Lean harder into the "Indigo Contagion" visual during the Maros conversation.
*   **Quote:** "Elder Maros stood there, a silhouette against the flickering gaslights..."
*   **Reason:** Adding a mention of the violet light "bleeding" into his observation gallery would emphasize that even he is no longer safe behind the glass.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Liora’s Repetition:** Do NOT remove "bind-bind-bind it now." This is her "Imperfection signature" from the profile, used when panicked.
*   **Technical Weaving Jargon:** Terms like "shunt," "slack," "southern axis," and "carded and spun" are essential to the Faction/School identity and must remain to keep the prose grounded in the profession of Threadbinding.
*   **Liora’s Fatalism:** Her refusal to offer comfort to Thorne—"It’s a tool. We bind it, or it breaks us"—is a core character trait that must not be softened.

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### 8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 82**
**Justification:** While the prose is evocative and the character voices are highly accurate to the RAG profiles, there is a significant continuity error regarding who can hear the Loom's voice, and a "meta-data" immersion break regarding the "25% integration" line. These must be grounded in the world's logic to pass.