1. PROSE EVIDENCE

"A reinforced steel door to his left was shedding flakes of rust like dead skin, revealing the soft, pale wood of a Willow growing through the metal." (Early)
- This effectively visualizes the "Grand Recission" by using a tangible, visceral metaphor for industrial decay and organic reclamation.

"It was an alien sound, a jagged plastic edge cutting through the velvet thrum of the Great Silence." (Mid)
- This highlights the sensory contrast between the natural "Hum" and the artificial "Black Box," reinforcing the chapter's central conflict.

"Small, hair-thin moss filaments sprouted from Jax's skin, stitching himself to the device, and through it, to the very logic of the machine." (Mid)
- The imagery of organic/mechanical grafting perfectly illustrates Jax’s high-functioning symbiosis mentioned in the project context.

"Her skin was the color of a moonlit lagoon, shimmering with that same cyan glow. Her hair drifted in an invisible current, tangling with the Spanish moss that hung from her own branches." (Late)
- This passage successfully bridges Lena's human past with her transition into "The Guardian," a semi-divine entity.

2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Character: Jax Harlan**
- Line: "Gator's truth," Jax murmured, using her phrase. "Nature don't take half-measures."
- SIGNATURE VOCABULARY/TICS: **YES.** Uses "Gator's truth," a phrase established in the RAG as a signature of the Duval line/Lena, showing his deep assimilation into her world.
- AVOID FORBIDDEN PATTERNS: **YES.** No evidence of formal or soldier-like rigidity that his character arc has moved past.
- EMOTIONAL REGISTER: **YES.** Reflects his 100% arc completion as "The Sentinel"—protective, grounded, and loyal.

**Character: Lena Duval**
- Line: *“The cypress don't lie, cher—the roots whisper what your heart's too stubborn to hear.”* (Note: While this specific line was the provided example in the RAG, the chapter reflects this through her dialogue: *"The roots... they want the highway. They want the concrete pillars of the bridge. They’re so hungry, cher."*)
- SIGNATURE VOCABULARY/TICS: **YES.** Uses the Cajun endearment "cher" specifically for Jax, aligning with the rule of using it only for those she cares for.
- AVOID FORBIDDEN PATTERNS: **YES.** She does not apologize or show weakness; she speaks with the "clippped and rhythmic" quality of a bayou chant.
- EMOTIONAL REGISTER: **YES.** Demonstrates "transhuman serenity" while remaining anchored by her human connection to Jax.

3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

- **Physicality of Magic:** The ritualistic nature of power is preserved through self-sacrifice. 
  - *Quote:* "Jax... pricked his own palm with a jagged edge of rusted rebar... blood was the only currency the Bend accepted."
- **Visuals of the Grand Recission:** The transformation of the world remains consistent and evocative.
- **The Locket as a Narrative Anchor:** The use of the Silver Locket as the primary link to Lena's humanity maintains continuity with the "Open Loops" in her character state.
  - *Quote:* "Lena’s hand, partially encased in a fine lattice of wood, reached out. She touched the silver locket... 'The locket. It’s... it’s the girl who lived in the house.'"

4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

- **ORIGINAL:** "The 'ninety percent' upload vanished into the Great Silence."
- **PROBLEM:** This contradicts the established world-state of "The Great Silence." The RAG states this is a "5-mile dead-zone for all electronic signals." No upload should have reached 90% within the Security Annex if signals are permanently dead.
- **FIX:** Clarify that the engineer had found a localized vulnerability or a shielded physical uplink that was finally failing. 
  - *Revised:* "The 'ninety percent' upload—strained through the engineer's illicit, shielded uplink—vanished as the Great Silence finally choked the last of the signal."

5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

- **ORIGINAL:** "The iridescent scars on his arms pulsing green in sync with the distant Hum, as he traced the faint electromagnetic whine to its shielded source."
- **PROBLEM:** The sentence structure is slightly fragmented with the "as he traced" clause following the comma, making the opening action feel disconnected from the character’s intention.
- **FIX:** "Jax crouched amid the vine-choked ruins of the Security Annex. The iridescent scars on his arms pulsed green in sync with the distant Hum as he traced a faint electromagnetic whine toward its shielded source."

6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

- **Lena’s Perspective Shift:** (Optional) The transition between her "divine" voice and her "human" name could be sharper to emphasize the struggle.
  - *Quote:* "*'The locket. It’s... it’s the girl who lived in the house. I can’t remember her name, Jax. Not all the way.'*"
  - *Suggestion:* Consider having her mention "Cypress Bend" as a place she views from above to emphasize the transhuman perspective mentioned in the RAG.

7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

- **Do not "clean up" Jax's speech:** His gravelly, silt-like voice and usage of "cher" or "Gator’s Truth" are essential markers of his transformation and bond with Lena.
- **Maintain the rhythm of Lena’s dialogue:** The clipped, italicized speech represents her merged consciousness; do not convert it to standard dialogue tags.
- **Preserve the sensory focus:** The smells of magnolia and mud are mandatory grounding details per the RAG.

8. VERDICT: REVISE
SCORE: 82  
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter is atmospheric and matches the voice signatures perfectly. However, there is a significant world-state continuity error regarding the "Great Silence" and the possibility of a satellite upload reaching 90% within a five-mile dead-zone. This requires a fix to explain how the technology functioned at all.