1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   "The metallic tang of it was thick enough to coat her tongue, a bitter vintage she had served him against his will." (Early) — This effectively utilizes the vampiric theme to heighten the sensory experience of the ritual’s failure.
*   "He moved with a grace that defied his physical wreckage, his erratic pulse hammering a rhythm Isabella could feel in her own chest." (Mid) — This passage successfully illustrates the "sensory bleed-through" established in the [character-state] RAG context.
*   "Ethereal chains of burning ruby light exploded from her palms, fueled by the shared agony of her bond with Damien." (Late) — This sentence clearly visualizes the "Crimson Oath Lash" described in her magic profile while grounding it in the emotional stakes of the scene.

2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Isabella Voss**
*   "Pray, Malakor, do save the dramatics for your next sermon."
    *   Signature vocabulary/tics: **YES**. Uses the sarcastic "Pray" prefix.
    *   Avoids forbidden patterns: **YES**. No casual slang like "no biggie."
    *   Consistent with arc: **YES**. Shows the transition to "intentional protector" by openly taunting a superior. 
*   "Blood, blood, the price is always paid in blood."
    *   Imperfection signature: **YES**. Repeats "blood" obsessively when panicking as per her profile.

**Damien Blackthorn**
*   "Pray, allow me this one... bit of... indulgence."
    *   Signature vocabulary/tics: **NO**. The profile specifies "Pray" as Isabella’s specific sarcastic prefix. 
    *   Avoids forbidden patterns: **YES**.
    *   Consistent with arc: **YES**. Demonstrates he has "severed his role as a mere enforcer" to protect her.

**Lord Malphas Blackthorn**
*   "The Tithe must be completed... if the girl will not give it willingly, Malakor, take it from her marrow."
    *   Consistent with arc: **YES**. Displays the "calculating" and "cold" demeanor noted in the NPC memory.

3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Sensory Bond Nuance:** The physical manifestation of their connection is well-rendered: "He groaned, a low, guttural sound of agony that vibrated through Isabella's wrists." This reinforces the [character-state] "phantom pains."
*   **Thematically Consistent Defiance:** Isabella’s use of legalistic language—"Blood-sharing bypasses the Peace Vow when the blood is given in defense of the bond"—perfectly aligns with a character motivated by "inherited oaths" and "coven laws."
*   **The "Unmarked Vessel" Reveal:** Malphas noticing the scars ("How very... interesting") effectively bridges the secret in the RAG context to the active narrative.

4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "'Pray, allow me this one... bit of... indulgence.' [Damien]"
*   **PROBLEM:** Per the Voice Signature, "prefixes commands with 'pray' sarcastically" is a trait exclusive to Isabella. Having Damien use it dilutes her unique voice signature.
*   **FIX:** Change Damien’s line to remove the "Pray" prefix: "Just... let me have this. Let me help."

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The scars on her arms were glowing, a vibrant, terrifying violet-red."
*   **PROBLEM:** The magic profile states her "Crimson Oath Lash" involves *ethereal blood chains* and her scars are "crimson," but violet-red introduces a new color palette not supported by the "Crimson/Blood" theme of her school.
*   **FIX:** "The scars on her arms were glowing, a vibrant, terrifying arterial crimson."

5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The word wasn't spoken; it was spat. He wiped the blood from his cheek with a trembling hand, staring at the crimson stain on his fingers as if it were a foreign tongue."
*   **PROBLEM:** The metaphor "as if it were a foreign tongue" is confusing in this context. It’s unclear if he doesn't recognize his own blood or if the blood is literally speaking to him.
*   **FIX:** "He wiped the blood from his cheek with a trembling hand, staring at the crimson stain on his fingers as if it were a heretical text he couldn't decipher."

6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Context Quote:** "Isabella saw the way his eyes searched hers, demanding she be the monster he knew she could be." 
*   **Improvement:** While strong, this could lean harder into the "smoldering rival" aspect of their relationship by having him challenge her more directly to use him as the "magic anchor" mentioned in the world state.

7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do not remove:** Isabella’s repetitive internal monologue ("Blood, blood, the price is always paid in blood"). This is her specific "imperfection signature" for panic and must remain.
*   **Do not remove:** Isabella's habit of checking her collar or tracing scars. These are defined physical habits.
*   **Do not remove:** The formal "Is it not so?" ending. This is a deliberate speech quirk for her character.

8. VERDICT

**REVISE**
**SCORE: 82**
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter captures the emotional and magical weight of the RAG context well, but includes a significant character voice violation by giving Isabella's unique verbal tic ("Pray") to Damien. Fixes are also required for metaphor clarity and magic color consistency.