### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **Consistency of Voice (Dorian):** Dorian’s dialogue perfectly matches his "Precision Collapse" profile. When under duress, he shifts to clinical, archaic language to distance himself from emotion. 
    *   *Example:* "The fact that you feel the burden of it is the only reason you are still human... misery prefers a coherent narrative." 
    *   *Voice Check:* YES. Dorian is unmistakable without tags due to his lack of contractions ("I will not allow," "It serves no functional purpose") and his analytical "seam-seeking."
*   **Consistency of Voice (Lyra):** Lyra’s internal and external counting (1, 2, 3, 4) is a vital anchor for her character state. Her use of weaving metaphors ("unravel the knot," "closed the loop") remains consistent with her apprentice background.
    *   *Voice Check:* YES. Her rhythmic triplets and sensory-focused internal monologue identify her clearly.
*   **The "Cufflink" Habit:** The draft successfully incorporates Dorian’s physical tell: "He adjusted his left cufflink with his thumb, a frantic, rhythmic motion that betrayed the calm in his tone." This aligns perfectly with the established character notes regarding his behavior when withholding or under stress.
*   **Physical Consequences:** The "Thread-Burn" (bleeding fingernails) and "Ink-Rot" (lines on the jaw) are tracked accurately from Ch-05/06 context.

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### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY

*   **FLAG: Character Lineage/Naming Contradiction.** 
    *   **The Error:** In the provided Chapter 6 text, Lyra references "my father’s workshop in Oakhaven." However, the Project Context/Character Sheet for "Silas Vane" identifies him as "Lyra’s Father." The text earlier names the protagonist "Lyra Vance." 
    *   **The Correction:** Ensure the surnames match. If the father is Silas Vane, the protagonist should be Lyra Vane, or vice-versa. Additionally, the character sheet for Silas Vane lists Dorian Thorne as a "Rival/Antagonist" to Silas, but in this chapter, Dorian is established as Lyra's companion/protector. The text must ensure the relationship between Silas and Dorian (colleagues in the Guild) is reconciled with Lyra's history.
*   **FLAG: Power Discipline System Contradiction.**
    *   **The Error:** Lyra’s Character Sheet defines her discipline as **Chrono-Weaving** (pulling threads from past/future). However, her dialogue in Ch-06 says: "I was the one who drew the final border... I thought I was saving the village! They told me the map would stabilize the ley lines!" 
    *   **The Correction:** Chapter 01/02 established Lyra as a Cartographer/Weaver whose *map-making* caused the erasure. The current Chapter 06 text treats her magic as Geographic/Spatial correction. The "Half-Stitch" used at the fountain is correctly identified as "pinning a moment," but the text needs to clarify if she erased Oakhaven via a *Time* error or a *Mapping* error to remain consistent with her "Chrono-Weaving" discipline.
*   **FLAG: Relationship State Slip.**
    *   **The Error:** Lyra’s voice profile notes she never says "I trust you." In the falling sequence, she buries her face in Dorian's chest. While not an explicit "I trust you," the emotional proximity is a sharp jump from the "High-tension dynamic" defined by a "refusal to admit" they see the world similarly.
    *   **The Correction:** Maintain the "brittle" nature of their bond even in the fall. Focus on the *logical necessity* of holding onto him rather than the romantic surrender, to stay true to her "What they NEVER say" profile.

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### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY

*   **Passage:** "The internal clock... flaying my internal clock. I could feel my own history fraying—another memory, the sound of my mother’s laugh, started to dissolve into grey smoke."
    *   **The Problem:** In the Character Sheet for Silas Vane, it states he is terrified of the "emotional vacuum left by her mother" and that she disappeared in the "Great Severing" 10 years ago. If Lyra is currently losing the memory of her mother's laugh, the emotional weight needs to be anchored to the specific cost established in her "Wound" (the paralyzing guilt of being the thread that cost a soul). 
    *   **The Fix:** Explicitly link the fading memory to the guilt of the "Great Severing" to heighten the stakes of the "Thinning."

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### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Dorian’s "High-Born" Filter:** Dorian uses the word "Anyway" (implied/paraphrased) or similar transitions. The profile says he never uses contractions. The draft is 100% clean on contractions, but could lean further into his "Analytical" reaching.
    *   **Suggestion:** When Dorian explains the "City of Parchment," have him specifically identify a "structural seam" or "frayed edge" to the paper buildings to reinforce his magic discipline (Conservation of Tension).

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### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do NOT remove Dorian’s refusal to apologize.** The line "Apologies do not restore a reality" (spoken by Elian) and Dorian’s subsequent clinical defense are vital. Even when he is bleeding for her, he must not say "I am sorry."
*   **Do NOT "soften" Silas Vane’s (implied) coldness.** Though he only appears in Lyra’s memory here, his portrayal as a man of "mathematical certainty" must remain rigid. 
*   **Do NOT remove the 1-2-3-4 counting.** This is her signature coping mechanism and must remain even if it feels repetitive.

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### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE** 
(Due to the Vance/Vane surname inconsistency and the need to align the "Map-making" backstory with the "Chrono-weaving" magic discipline profile.)