### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Early:** "The hum began as a pre-echo in Mark's skull, faint at first, like the memory of a scream from across an impossible distance."
    *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the sensory-heavy, non-physical nature of the threat, aligning with Mark's role as a conductor rather than an observer.
*   **Mid:** "A sound like wet iron being ground against glass resonated within his jawbone."
    *Commentary:* The use of "wet iron" is an excellent callback to the RAG context regarding Elias Thorne’s biological dissolution, grounding the abstract cosmic horror in previous physical events.
*   **Mid:** "The ground beneath the car followed. The asphalt of the road began to ripple like the surface of a black lake, governed no longer by the laws of Newton, but by the logic of the signal."
    *Commentary:* This passage clearly illustrates the "Geometric Dissolution" mentioned in the World State and reinforces the loss of terrestrial physics.
*   **Late:** "The sedan dissolved into an oily cloud of 'wet iron' scented waveforms. Mark did not fall. He drifted in a vibrating void, his consciousness a flickering candle in a hurricane of 14Hz gravity."
    *Commentary:* This captures the "Somatic Dissolution" and "Acoustic Gravity" mechanics accurately while maintaining the high-concept tone of the chapter.

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT
**Character: Mark**
*   **Line:** "Unknown." (Repeated thrice)
*   **Constraint Check:**
    *   Signature vocabulary/tics: **NO**. While the writer used "Unknown" as a vocalization, the RAG instructions specify "Unknown" under the voice signature because the data was missing, not because it was his actual catchphrase. 
    *   Avoids forbidden patterns: **YES**. He avoids mentions of Sarah/Elias by name, focusing on "harmonics."
    *   Emotional register: **YES**. He is detached and witnessing, as per his ch-10 state.
*   **Violation:** The word "Unknown" is used as a literal dialogue tag. The RAG sheet lists his voice signature as "Unknown" because that information was *not provided* in the project file, not because he is meant to say the word "Unknown." 

**Character: Sarah Miller (Residual/Echo)**
*   **Line:** "...empirically speaking… radio ghosts… damn hum in my skull…"
*   **Constraint Check:**
    *   Signature vocabulary/tics: **YES**. Uses "empirically speaking."
    *   Avoids forbidden patterns: **YES**.
    *   Emotional register: **YES**. Skeptical anchor, even in death.

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory "Wet Iron" Motif:** The recurrence of the "wet iron" scent (mid and late) is a vital link to Elias Thorne’s fate, bridging the literal and the abstract.
*   **Tactile Bone Conduction:** The focus on Mark’s skeleton ("resonated within his jawbone", "internal noise") maintains the "Bone-Conduction Law" established in the project notes.
*   **World-Scale Escalation:** The description of the horizon blurring and the town's lights stretching (mid) successfully transitions the story from a local haunting to a "planetary transmission."

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "'Unknown,' Mark whispered. The word felt thick, like he was speaking through a mouthful of mercury."
*   **PROBLEM:** This is a meta-error. The RAG context listed "Unknown" for Mark's Voice Sig/Identity because the data was empty. The author has misinterpreted this as Mark’s actual dialogue/identity. Mark should not be saying the word "Unknown."
*   **FIX:** Replace "Unknown" with silence or a tactile description of the signal's weight. "A name tried to form in his throat, but it was crushed by the 14Hz weight before it could find the air."

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The Archive had erased the records of Thorne and Miller..."
*   **PROBLEM:** Per the World State [Faction Attitudes], "The Archive: EXTINCT." It was neutralized by the silence. It is no longer an active agent capable of "erasing records" in this moment.
*   **FIX:** "The Archive was a tomb of silent records, its memory of Thorne and Miller subsumed by the very frequency they had tried to contain."

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The horizon did not merely dark."
*   **PROBLEM:** Grammatical omission ("did not merely darken" or "did not merely grow dark").
*   **FIX:** "The horizon did not merely darken."

*   **ORIGINAL:** "It was the visual equivalent of a dead channel."
*   **PROBLEM:** This is a visual metaphor for an aperture that is previously described as radiating "a cold, humming light that tastes of copper." The "dead channel" (static) contradicts the established "copper light" in the RAG Objects section.
*   **FIX:** "In the distance, the Vault’s aperture... flashed with a copper-tasting light that bleached the world into a vibrating silver."

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Suggestion:** Clarify Mark's physical state earlier. 
*   **Quote:** "Mark sat in the driver’s seat..." (early). 
*   **Reason:** The RAG context specifies he has "profuse auditory hemorrhaging" and "vibrational bruising." Seeing this in the rearview mirror or feeling the blood on his collar would ground his physical transition before the car dissolves.

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not Change:** The detached, receptive tone of Mark. While he seems passive, this is an intentional character state ("receptive witnessing") defined in his Ch-10 arc.
*   **Do Not Change:** The use of "Harmonics" to describe Sarah and Elias. This is a specific Voice Sig requirement for Mark.
*   **Do Not Change:** The non-Euclidean/geometric descriptions of the landscape. These are core world-state rules for the "Geometric Dissolution."

### 8. VERDICT
**REVISE**
**SCORE: 78**
**Justification:** The chapter captures the atmosphere perfectly and adheres well to complex world laws (14Hz, bone conduction). However, it contains a significant meta-error where the character speaks the placeholder text "Unknown" as a literal line of dialogue, and includes a glaring grammatical error ("did not merely dark"). These must be corrected to maintain professional standards.