### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Early:** "Cold sweat beaded on Lena’s skin like dew on cypress leaves, the fever shattering as the Belly of the Bend claimed her fully—Jax’s rough hand steady on her elbow, his breath ragged in the ozone-thick air."
    *   This opening successfully bridges the physical toll of the ritual with the atmospheric Shift in location using strong sensory contrast.
*   **Mid:** "Grey-white fog began to spill from the crevices in the rock, thick with the scent of magnolia and rotting lilies. It wasn't natural; it swirled with a purposeful intent, wrapping around them in a cold embrace."
    *   This passage reinforces the grounding scent profile established in the character sheet while illustrating the tangible manifestation of her magic.
*   **Mid:** "I won't give up. I never… no no, not that, no no," she muttered as a vision flashed: her mother’s face, pale and serene beneath the surface of the black water, the bubbles stopping one by one."
    *   The use of the imperfection signature (repeated words) effectively signals Lena's internal trauma and wavering focus.
*   **Late:** "Lena, mon cœur perfide, the Bend sings your name now," the voice echoed, dripping with a terrifying maternal pride. "And it calls for blood."
    *   The ending expertly reintroduces Aunt Maribelle as a threat while utilizing the established Cajun French dialect markers.

### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Lena Duval**
*   **Quote:** "Gator's truth, I’m not going anywhere fast."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES ("Gator's truth").
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES (She never apologizes; she owns her exhaustion).
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Weary, transcendent, 95% arc completion toward Warden).

**Jax Harlan**
*   **Quote:** "I hear a whole lot of nothing and a whole lot of trouble."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES (Clipped, pragmatic, focused on survival).
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES (Doesn't use witch-specific jargon).
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Transitioning to defender; adrenaline crash).

**Aunt Maribelle (Antagonist)**
*   **Quote:** "Lena, mon cœur perfide..."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES (Uses Cajun French "mon cœur" but twists it with "perfide").
*   **Avoid Forbidden Patterns:** YES.
*   **Emotional Register:** YES (Manipulative elder).

### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Grounding:** The insistence on the scent of "magnolia and mud" (or rotting lilies) during the fog summoning: "thick with the scent of magnolia and rotting lilies." This adheres perfectly to the character sheet requirements.
*   **Internal Continuity:** The reference to the "silver locket" and the habit of twisting it when stressed: "Lena’s hand flew to her neck, fingers twisting the silver locket until the chain bit into her skin."
*   **World Building:** The explanation of the "Harmonic Bleed" explains the stakes concisely: "To power the upper districts, to light up the city with the soul of the bayou."

### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The Drowned Man... He was neutralized, recycled into the very frequency that now sang in Lena’s blood."
*   **PROBLEM:** While Chapter 11 RAG states he is neutralized, the character description for Lena states: "Witnessed her mother's sacrificial drowning ritual at 12, blamed herself for not stopping it." There is a slight tonal clash between the "Drowned Man" being a general siphon ghost and the specific trauma of her mother. The "Drowned Man" was likely her father or a generic entity, but the text briefly confuses his "neutralization" with her mother's "vision."
*   **FIX:** Clarify that the Drowned Man is the siphon's manifestation, distinct from the vision of her mother. Add a line: "Unlike the Drowned Man, a mere shadow of the Siphon’s hunger, the memory of her mother remained a living wound."

### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "The Siphon’s true purpose was a 'Harmonic Bleed' for the upper districts -- Jax remains unaware." (RAG Context) vs. Text: "It’s a Harmonic Bleed, cher... To power the upper districts..."
*   **PROBLEM:** The RAG context specifically lists "Jax remains unaware" as a *carried secret*. However, in the dialogue, Lena explicitly explains the Harmonic Bleed and the powering of the upper districts to Jax. This burns a secret too early or contradicts the "unaware" status.
*   **FIX:** Lena should describe the *sensation* but withhold the *purpose*. Rewrite: "It’s a frequency, Jax. The TDC... they’re trying to tune the whole world to a song it wasn't meant to sing. I'm just the one holding the tuning fork now." (Keep the revelation of the upper districts for a later beat to maintain the "Known Secret" status).

### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Suggestion:** Lean harder into the tactile grounding of the "limestone" to contrast with the "moss."
*   **Quote:** "Lena stumbled, her knees hitting the damp floor. The stone wasn’t cold. It pulsed."
*   **Improvement:** Mention her fingers searching for the moss specifically to combat the "ozone" smell of the machinery, emphasizing her "Warden" nature over the "Machine-Witch."

### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **DO NOT** smooth out Lena's panic repetition: "no no, not that, no no." This is her imperfection signature.
*   **DO NOT** change the Cajun French "cher" or "mon cœur."
*   **DO NOT** make Jax sound more poetic; he is a pilot and a protector, his bluntness ("I hear a whole lot of nothing") is a necessary foil to Lena’s mysticism.
*   **DO NOT** remove the specific "Gator's truth" verbal tic.

### 8. VERDICT: REVISE
**SCORE: 82/100**
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter is atmospheric and matches the voice signatures perfectly, but it contains a significant logic/secret leak (Lena explaining the Harmonic Bleed/Upper Districts to Jax, which the RAG context explicitly flags as a secret he is unaware of). This must be dialed back to maintain narrative tension regarding the TDC's motives.