### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE

*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The vibrant, oily sheen of the Loom’s lubricants and the rich, amethyst glow of the power-channels were leeching away, leaving a world of jagged grays and charcoal shadows."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the "frayback" phenomenon through sensory deprivation, grounding the magic system in the protagonist's physical experience.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "The bond felt like a length of rusted iron wire wrapped in silk, vibrating at a frequency that set her molars on edge."
    *   *Commentary:* The juxtaposition of "rusted iron" and "silk" provides a tactile metaphor for the "Dirty Circuit" that aligns perfectly with the weaving motif.
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "Indigo and blood-red light spiraled between them, a miniature vortex of heretical magic."
    *   *Commentary:* This sentence efficiently visualizes the volatile nature of the unsanctified bond without over-explaining the mechanics.
*   **Quote 4 (Late):** "She used her own life-thread as the bridge, feeling it fray and thin as she stretched it across the gap between her and the Unbinder."
    *   *Commentary:* This reinforces the high stakes of the magic system, specifically Liora’s "frayback" limitation and her compulsive need to "fix" connections.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Liora Voss**
*   **Line:** "You can't just pull at fate's hem like it's your favorite cloak—watch the weave, or it'll unravel us both."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics (YES):** Uses weaving metaphors ("fate’s hem," "unravel," "weave").
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech (YES):** Does not say "Fate will decide" and remains fatalistic rather than optimistic.
*   **Emotional Register (YES/NO):** Partially. She uses "This knot’s tightening" (upset), but her panic-tic "bind-bind-bind it now" is used while she is attempting a complex ritual. Her arc position (20%) as an "active heretic" is well-maintained as she willfully touches the Unbinder.

**Thorne Quill**
*   **Line:** "You’ve just given me a front-row seat to your collapse. Look at your hands. You aren't weaving anymore. You’re just holding the pieces together while they turn to ash."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics (YES):** Displays the "cynical but intrigued" tone and "active manipulator" arc position.
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech (N/A):** No specific forbidden phrases listed in the profile.
*   **Emotional Register (YES):** He is testing the boundaries of the mental link as specified in his character state.

**Elder Maros**
*   **Line:** "The Arch-Binders want your head on a platter of silver wire, my dear. They see a heresy. I see... a necessity."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics (YES):** Reflects "calculating and opportunistic" personality; uses Loom-related imagery ("silver wire").
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech (N/A):** No specific constraints.
*   **Emotional Register (YES):** Consistent with his 15% arc position of weaponizing heresy.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE

*   **The Sensory Bleed:** The description of how Thorne’s pain manifests in Liora is visceral and vital for the bond's development. 
    *   Reference: "Suddenly, her own throat felt constricted... The pain wasn't hers. It was Thorne’s... along with the phantom pain came the taste of copper."
*   **Internal Monologue Persistence:** The telepathic dialogue between Liora and Thorne maintains the "Dirty Circuit" world-rule effectively.
    *   Reference: "*You’re pulling too hard, Weaver,* his voice echoed in her mind, not as a sound, but as a vibration in her marrow."
*   **Liora’s Specific Panic Tics:** The repetition of "bind" captures her compulsive need for control.
    *   Reference: "Bind-bind-bind it now."

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "Liora shut her eyes, but the monochrome world remained. She could see him through the bond—a silhouette of jagged black glass against a gray void."
*   **PROBLEM:** Perspective/Ability Inconsistency. Liora’s profile states her ability is to perceive and manipulate the Binding Thread. Seeing Thorne as "jagged black glass" is evocative, but if she is experiencing "frayback" (monochrome vision), she should be seeing his "life thread" or lack thereof, not a structural glass silhouette, especially as the text later says "he wasn't a man; he was a silhouette of shifting shadows."
*   **FIX:** Describe him as a void in the weave rather than a physical silhouette of glass to better align with the "Thirteenth Strand" lore. "She could see him through the bond—a jagged tear of absolute black in the graying weave of the room."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY

*   **ORIGINAL:** "Liora reached out and grabbed his forearm, ignoring the hiss of the lead against her branded skin."
*   **PROBLEM:** Physical logistics. Thorne is in a "lead-lined restraint chair" and Liora is "kneeling beneath the primary drive-spindle." Earlier, it says he is "twenty paces away." It is unclear if she crawled the entire distance or if the "Dirty Circuit" allows physical reach across space.
*   **FIX:** Add a clearer transitional sentence of her movement. "Liora forced herself up, dragging her leaden limbs across the twenty paces of stone until she reached the base of Thorne’s chair."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS

*   **Optional:** Enhance the "lanolin and indigo" scent mentioned in the profile.
    *   Quote: "*It tastes like lanolin and old ink.*" 
    *   Suggestion: Thorne mentions she smells like this in his dialogue, but having Liora notice the smell herself while she "unconsciously braids her own hair" (a habit from her profile) would ground her character more.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS

*   **Do Not Change:** Liora’s clipped, repetitive chant "bind... bind... bind it now." This is a core "imperfection signature" from her voice profile and must not be edited for "better" flow.
*   **Do Not Change:** The "dead-tone" of the Loom. This is an active world event and structural to the chapter's tension.
*   **Do Not Change:** Liora’s lack of optimism. Phrases like "I'll sever every damn thread!" or her fatalism are intentional.

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### 8. VERDICT

**SCORE: 82**
**JUSTIFICATION:** The chapter captures the characters' voices and the specific "Dirty Circuit" mechanics well, but it contains a significant spatial clarity issue regarding the distance between the characters and a minor continuity slip regarding how Liora perceives Thorne's "strand" vs. his silhouette.

**REVISE**