### 1. PROSE EVIDENCE
*   **Quote 1 (Early):** "The vibrant, oily sheen of the Loom’s lubricants and the rich, amethyst glow of the power-channels were leeching away, leaving a world of jagged grays and charcoal shadows."
    *   *Commentary:* This effectively establishes the "frayback" mechanic through sensory deprivation rather than just stating she is losing her vision.
*   **Quote 2 (Mid):** "The bond felt like a length of rusted iron wire wrapped in silk, vibrating at a frequency that set her molars on edge."
    *   *Commentary:* The tactile contrast between "rusted iron" and "silk" perfectly mirrors the "Dirty Circuit" concept of a crude, forced connection.
*   **Quote 3 (Late):** "She used her own life-thread as the bridge, feeling it fray and thin as she stretched it across the gap between her and the Unbinder."
    *   *Commentary:* This reinforces the high stakes of the magic system, showing the literal cost of the ritual on Liora’s physical/spiritual state.

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### 2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Liora Voss**
*   **Line:** "You can't just pull at fate's hem like it's your favorite cloak—watch the weave, or it'll unravel us both."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. Uses "weave," "unravel," and "fate's hem."
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** YES. She does not say "Fate will decide"; she warns against pulling at it.
*   **Consistent Register:** YES. She is in the "This knot's tightening" (upset) to "I'll sever every damn thread" (furious) range, specifically using her frantic "bind-bind-bind" repetition.

**Thorne Quill**
*   **Line:** "I can feel your terror... It tastes like lanolin and old ink. It’s pathetic."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. He uses the sensory bleed to mock her, maintaining his cynical/intrigued profile.
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** YES.
*   **Consistent Register:** YES. He is actively moving from "passive prisoner to active manipulator" as per his ch-03 arc.

**Elder Maros**
*   **Line:** "The Arch-Binders want your head on a platter of silver wire, my dear. They see a heresy. I see... a necessity."
*   **Signature Vocabulary/Tics:** YES. His tone is "calculating and opportunistic."
*   **Avoids Forbidden Speech:** YES.
*   **Consistent Register:** YES. He is weaponizing her heresy rather than punishing it.

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### 3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Sensory Bleed:** The use of taste and smell (lanolin, ink, copper) to define the telepathic link is visceral. *Specific reference: "I can feel your terror... It tastes like lanolin and old ink."*
*   **Metaphorical Mechanical Integration:** The description of the Loom as "tectonic heave of bronze and bone-white porcelain" grounds the high-fantasy concepts in a heavy, industrial reality.
*   **The Frayback Aesthetic:** The transition to a "monochrome" world creates a distinct visual penalty for her magic usage that feels unique to the setting.

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### 4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "...ignoring the hiss of the lead against her branded skin." (Late)
*   **PROBLEM:** Earlier in the chapter, Liora's brand is on her "left palm." In the late scene, she is grabbing Thorne’s "forearm" while he is in "heavy lead shackles." While lead is mentioned as a restraint, the "hiss" implies an active reaction between the brand and the lead that hasn't been established as a core world rule—usually, it's Thorne's *proximity* or the *Dirty Circuit* that causes the reaction, not the metal itself.
*   **FIX:** "ignoring the violent flare of the brand as it surged in proximity to his unbound resonance."

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### 5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
*   **ORIGINAL:** "Along with the phantom pain came the taste of copper and the cold, predatory weight of his cynicism. It sat in the pit of her stomach like a stone..." (Mid)
*   **PROBLEM:** The transition from Thorne’s physical pain (tightening wire) to his emotional state (cynicism) is a bit crowded. It’s unclear if Liora is tasting copper because Thorne is bleeding or if it's a metaphysical byproduct of the bond.
*   **FIX:** "Along with the phantom constriction of his throat came the metallic tang of his blood, followed by the cold, predatory weight of his cynicism."

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### 6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Suggestion:** Clarify the physical distance/action during the descent of Maros. 
*   **Quote:** "Maros’s footsteps began to rhythmically tap against the spiral staircase as he descended." (Mid)
*   **Reason:** The chamber is described as large, but Maros seems to arrive and whisper to Liora almost instantly. A brief mention of him crossing the "vast, grease-stained floor" would help the sense of scale.

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### 7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not remove Liora’s repetitious "bind-bind-bind."** This is a documented panic tic in her character sheet ("repeats key words obsessively when panicked").
*   **Do not "brighten" the prose.** The monochrome "frayback" is an intentional stylistic choice to represent her soul-thinning and should not be edited for more color variety.
*   **Do not make Liora more assertive with Maros.** Her clipped, ritualistic responses are part of her current 20% arc where she is still a "heretic" by accident/necessity rather than by choice.

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### 8. VERDICT: REVISE
**SCORE: 82**
**Justification:** The chapter captures the character voices and the "Dirty Circuit" atmosphere perfectly; however, there are minor continuity/clarity issues regarding the physical mechanics of the brand's reaction to lead and the transition of sensory bleed that require specific sharpening.