**1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE**
*   **Tactile Characterization (Mira):** The draft successfully mirrors Mira’s profile by focusing on physical sensation and heat. "Mira didn't reach for the silver letter opener... she pressed her thumb against the heavy vellum, letting a localized pulse of heat gather at her nail until the wax bubbled and hissed."
*   **Formal Understatement (Dorian):** Dorian’s voice accurately reflects his "Formal Understatement Scale." His reaction to the catastrophic forced merger—"The situation is suboptimal, certainly"—perfectly aligns with a "minor problem" on his scale for a situation that is clearly dire.
*   **Sensory Worldbuilding:** The description of the Emperor’s magic smelling of "ozone and burnt sugar" and "past and rot" is a distinct, recurring sensory anchor that establishes the corruption of the Eternal Throne.
*   **The Physicality of the Tether:** The transition from the internal feeling of "being turned inside out" to the external "pillar of white-hot light" effectively establishes the dual nature of the bond (political and biological).

**VOICE SIGNATURE CHECK:**
*   **Mira Vasquez:** **YES.** She uses her "obviously" sarcasm tell ("It was—obviously—a brilliant idea") and her specific curse scale ("Stars' sake," "burning memory," and "past and rot"). Her dialogue is verb-first and action-oriented.
*   **Dorian Solas (Thorne):** **YES.** He uses "the evidence suggests" and "it is probable that" consistently. His sentence structure remains grammatically complete until the very end when the tether breaks his composure ("It... it is done").

**2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY**
*   **Character Name Inconsistency:** In the segment provided, the lead male character is referred to as "Dorian Solas" throughout the prose, but the Voice Profile instructions explicitly label him as "Dorian Thorne." 
    *   *Correction:* Reconcile the surname. Based on the Chapter State (RAG), "Dorian Solas" is the established name. Update the Voice Profile or the text to ensure 100% alignment.
*   **Distance/Geography Contradiction:** The text states the Crystalline Spire is "three hundred miles to the north." However, it later says the Waygate allowed Dorian to reach the midpoint before Mira "crossed the lower Reach." Later, it describes the atmospheric weight of "two competing climates" at the bridge.
    *   *Refinement needed:* If they are 300 miles apart, the bridge cannot realistically be a "midpoint" that Mira reaches via a "thermal-glide" (a short-range travel method) while Dorian uses a high-speed Waygate. 
    *   *Correction:* Adjust the distance or the method of travel to ensure Mira’s arrival "first" is physically plausible given the 300-mile gap.

**3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY**
*   **The Ritual Mechanics:** The text states "Dorian... drew a quick, clean line across his palm" and then "offered the hilt to her." Mira then "slashing her own palm."
    *   *Passage:* "Mira took it... slashing her own palm with a jagged, impatient stroke."
    *   *Fix:* Clarify if they are using the same blade or if the blood must be mingled on the blade itself before hitting the vellum. Currently, the transition from the cut to "pressing their palms onto the vellum" is slightly rushed. Ensure the physical sequence of *Cut -> Bleed -> Press* is distinct for the reader to track the ritual's completion.

**4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS**
*   **Mira’s Internal Interruption:** To more closely align with her Voice Profile ("Interrupts her own sentences mid-thought when excited"), a moment of self-correction during her argument with Dorian would strengthen the "Excited/Arguing" profile. 
    *   *Example:* "We could—actually, no. The Spire would never allow it."
*   **Dorian’s "Extraordinary" usage:** The voice profile mentions he reserves "extraordinary" for maximum effect. He uses it here: "We become... extraordinary in our mutual entrapment." While fitting, ensuring this is the *only* time he uses the word in the chapter will maximize the payoff.

**5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS**
*   **Do not "smooth out" Mira’s run-on sentences.** When she says, "Your faculty thinks mine are glorified arsonists, and my faculty thinks yours are animated statues," the lack of brevity is an intentional character trait for her when emotional.
*   **Do not remove Dorian’s repetitive use of "Suboptimal" or "Auspicious."** These are not vocabulary limitations of the author; they are the character’s specific "Formal Understatement Scale."
*   **The "past and rot" smell.** While repetitive, this is a specific world-rule/character-memory anchor (Mira knows what the Emperor’s magic smells like; Dorian does not). It must remain.

**6. VERDICT**
**REVISE** (Due to the Solas/Thorne name discrepancy and the 300-mile travel logic/continuity error).