Hello. I’m Lane. I’ve gone through "Midnight Practices" with a fine-toothed comb and an ear turned toward the cadence of your prose. 

The rhythm of your romantic tension is solid, but the magical descriptions occasionally lean on "telling" when the "showing" is already doing the heavy lifting. We need to scrape away the linguistic fluff to let the heat of the scene breathe.

### 1. STRENGTHS
*   **Sensory Anchors:** The "chilled cedar" and "ozone" in the opening establish a strong atmosphere. You’ve done a great job blending the magical elements with the physical environment.
*   **Distinct Voices:** Dorian’s "gravelly silk" dialogue contrasts effectively with Mira’s sharper, more combustible energy.
*   **Thematically Tight:** Using the "resonance" and "merger" as metaphors for their physical intimacy works perfectly for the genre and the setting.

### 2. CONCERNS & LINE EDITS

**I. Weak Adjectives and "Telling" Shorthand**
You have a tendency to use abstract adjectives like "dangerous," "raw," or "terrifying" to tell the reader how to feel, rather than letting the nouns and verbs convey the weight.

*   ORIGINAL: "The icy reserve that usually served as his armor had thinned, leaving something **raw and dangerously magnetic** in its place."
*   SUGGESTED: "The icy reserve that served as his armor had thinned, leaving a visible, jagged hunger in its place." 
*   RATIONALE: "Raw and dangerously magnetic" is a romance trope shorthand. Vividly describing the "hunger" or a "crack in the ice" feels more grounded in the character.

**II. Dialogue Tag Adverbs and Redundant Modifiers**
We need to cut the adverbs that describe how someone is speaking when the dialogue already clarifies the tone.

*   ORIGINAL: "...Dorian’s boots clicking **softly** on the flagstones."
*   SUGGESTED: "...Dorian’s boots clicking against the flagstones."
*   RATIONALE: Boots on flagstones are rarely "soft." Let the rhythm of the sentence provide the quietness.

*   ORIGINAL: "The High Chancellor of the Ice Sector is about to find out that fire doesn't just burn. It consumes."
*   SUGGESTED: "The High Chancellor of the Ice Sector is about to find out that fire doesn't just burn. It consumes." (Keep as is, but watch the "sharp, bright sound" laugh tag that follows. Let the laugh just *echo*.)

**III. Rhythmic Clutter**
Some sentences are "over-stuffed," slowing the heart rate of the reader during what should be an accelerating scene.

*   ORIGINAL: "Dorian took his place at the northern point of the etched circle. Mira took the southern."
*   SUGGESTED: "Dorian took the north point of the etched circle; Mira took the south."
*   RATIONALE: This mirrors their symmetry. It’s punchier.

*   ORIGINAL: "At the point of contact, the elements didn't cancel each other out. They braided."
*   SUGGESTED: "At the contact point, the elements didn't cancel. They braided."
*   RATIONALE: "Each other out" is wordy. "Cancel" is a sharp, cold verb that stands better on its own.

**IV. Word Choice Economy**
*   ORIGINAL: "Mira felt Dorian’s presence in her mind—not as an **intrusion**, but as a **cool, steadying weight**."
*   SUGGESTED: "Mira felt Dorian’s presence in her mind—not a breach, but a cold, steadying anchor."
*   RATIONALE: "Intrusion" is clinical. "Breach" feels more like magical/physical vocabulary. "Anchor" provides a stronger mental image than "weight."

*   ORIGINAL: "His skin was **freezing**; hers was **molten**."
*   SUGGESTED: "His skin was ice; hers, a furnace."
*   RATIONALE: Use nouns. Adjectives describe the thing; nouns *are* the thing. It packs more punch in a climax.

### 3. VERDICT

**VERDICT: POLISH NEEDED**

The emotional arc is exactly where it needs to be for a Chapter 10 finale. However, the prose needs a "tightening" pass to remove YA-adjacent filler words (like "reckless," "magnetic," and "terrifying") to make the adult romance feel more sophisticated. The magic-as-foreplay conceit is excellent—just don't let the adverbs dampen the sparks.