Hello. Lane here. I’ve tuned my ears to the humidity and the static of *Cypress Bend*. 

This is atmospheric Southern Gothic with a sharp, noir edge. The rhythm is generally strong—you have a knack for "the rule of three" in your descriptions—but there are moments where the prose gets "swamp-heavy," leaning on familiar tropes or over-explaining a beat that the reader has already felt.

Here is my line-level breakdown.

### 1. STRENGTHS
*   **The Sensory Palette:** You’ve nailed the "wet" feeling of Louisiana. The "metallic tang of copper," "rusted Buick," and "damp wool blanket" create a cohesive, suffocating world.
*   **Voice Consistency:** Silas’s internal monologue feels weary and cynical, fitting a man who collects "the kind of currency you bleed for."
*   **The Hook:** The introduction of the ledger and the specific name (Callum Thorne) provides a solid narrative anchor in an otherwise ethereal, ghost-heavy opening.

### 2. CONCERNS & LINE EDITS

#### I. The "Dial-Up" Description (Over-processing)
You occasionally use two or three metaphors where one sharp one would do. This slows the pacing, especially in an opening.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "The Bayou Teche crawled past the warehouse, a slick ribbon of black oil under a moon that looked jaundiced."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "The Bayou Teche crawled past the warehouse, a slick ribbon of black oil under a jaundiced moon." 
*   **RATIONALE:** "Moon that looked jaundiced" is wordy. By making it "a jaundiced moon," you tighten the rhythm and get to the "inheritance" line faster.

#### II. Dialogue Tag Adverbs and "Weak" Verbs
I found a few instances where you're telling us how to feel about the dialogue rather than letting the words do the heavy lifting.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "“What keys, Dad?” Silas stayed by the door."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "Silas stayed by the door. 'What keys?'"
*   **RATIONALE:** We know he's talking to his dad. Removing "Dad" makes Silas sound more guarded, which fits his character.
*   **ORIGINAL:** "...Julian snapped, his head whipping around with a sudden, terrifying lucidity."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "...Julian’s head snapped toward him. His eyes were suddenly, terrifyingly clear."
*   **RATIONALE:** "Lucidity" is a bit "clinical/writerly" for this grit-soaked scene. 

#### III. The "Ghostly" Clichés
The woman in the yellow raincoat without a face is a very familiar image. In a story this grounded in "rust and blood," the sudden transition to J-Horror tropes feels a bit jarring.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "She didn't have a face, just a void of shadow where her features should have been."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "The hood of the coat was a dark hollow; if she had a face, the fog had swallowed it."
*   **RATIONALE:** Keep it grounded in the atmosphere (the fog) rather than jumping straight to supernatural void-faces. It maintains the tension of *is he losing his mind or is this real?*

#### IV. Redundancy in Action
*   **ORIGINAL:** "He looked at the stranger, then back at the dark, silent water."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "He looked from the stranger to the black water."
*   **RATIONALE:** "Dark, silent" are fillers here. We already know the water is dark and the night is quiet.

### 3. LINE-BY-LINE AUDIT

**1. ORIGINAL:** "He moved with a slow, predatory grace that had nothing to do with cruelty and everything to do with exhaustion."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "He moved with a slow, predatory grace born of exhaustion rather than cruelty."
*   **RATIONALE:** Shorter, punchier. The "nothing to do with / everything to do with" construction is a bit cliché.

**2. ORIGINAL:** "The interior of the house was a cathedral of dust."
*   **SUGGESTED:** (Keep it, but remove the following sentence about French clocks).
*   **RATIONALE:** "Cathedral of dust" is a gorgeous, high-value noun. Don't dilute it by explaining that the dust is on the clocks. Let the metaphor breathe.

**3. ORIGINAL:** "The stranger’s eyes snapped open. They weren't bloodshot anymore. They were a flat, terrifying blue..."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "The stranger’s eyes snapped open—a flat, glacial blue, the color of deep water."
*   **RATIONALE:** Avoid "They weren't [X] anymore, they were [Y]." Jump straight to what they *are*.

**4. ORIGINAL:** "Silas didn't think. He vaulted over the windowsill..."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "Silas vaulted over the windowsill..."
*   **RATIONALE:** "He didn't think" is a filter. If he vaults over a window into a flood, we already know he isn't overthinking it. Show the impulse through the action.

***

### VERDICT: POLISH NEEDED

The "Future" genre tag in your thinking hint is curious, as this reads like a contemporary or historical Gothic. If there are sci-fi elements (AI-native? Future tech?), they are completely absent here. 

The prose is evocative and the "Miller Debt" is a compelling hook. However, the chapter suffers from a bit of "description bloat." By carving away the adverbs and the double-metaphors, the horror of the rising Bayou will hit much harder. 

**Lane’s Final Note:** Tighten the screws on the supernatural reveals. The more "real" the rust and mud feel, the scarier the ghosts become.