Hello, I’m Lane. I’ve gone through Chapter 44 of *Cypress Bend*. 

This is a poignant, atmospheric piece of writing. The rhythm of the prose effectively mimics the heavy, weary heartbeat of Marcus. You’ve captured the "post-apocalyptic" fatigue well—not through explosions, but through the weight of a single bullet and a child’s impossible questions.

However, there are moments where the prose leans into "survivalist melodrama" clichès, and a few instances where the dialogue rhythm stumbles under the weight of exposition.

Here is my line-level audit.

### 1. STRENGTHS
*   **Tactile Detail:** The opening with the copper casing and the specific observation of Leo’s gait ("the way the boy’s left heel dragged") grounds the scene immediately in Marcus’s weary perspective.
*   **Thematically Loaded Action:** Using the fire poker as a "task for his hands" to mask his pulse is classic, effective character work. It shows us his internal state without the need for an adverb.
*   **Voice Preservation:** Marcus sounds like a man who has traded a vast world for a small, safe one. His dialogue—especially when he explains the "price" of the old world—is resonant.

### 2. CONCERNS & LINE SUGGESTIONS

#### I. Dialogue Economy and "The Information Dump"
Leo is seven, yet he occasionally speaks with the poetic precision of a thirty-year-old historian. 

*   **ORIGINAL:** “If it was so big and so bright, why did they let it break? Were they not careful?” 
*   **SUGGESTED:** “If it was so bright, why did they let it break?”
*   **RATIONALE:** "Were they not careful?" feels like a line written to prompt Marcus’s philosophical response. A seven-year-old’s devastation is usually simpler. Let the first question hang; it’s more haunting.

*   **ORIGINAL:** “We don’t go there because there’s nothing there for us,” Marcus said, his voice dropping an octave, sounding more like the leader of the Council than a grandfather.
*   **SUGGESTED:** “There’s nothing there for us,” Marcus said. His voice dropped, the Council leader eclipsing the grandfather.
*   **RATIONALE:** Avoid "sounding more like." Show the transition. Also, "dropping an octave" is a common trope that physically doesn't happen in a single sentence of casual speech.

#### II. Redundant Emotional Tagging
Trust your imagery. You often provide a powerful image and then explain it, which slows the rhythm.

*   **ORIGINAL:** A wave of grief washed over Marcus so cold it made his teeth ache. This was the tragedy of their survival. To keep the boy alive, they had to turn him into a soldier...
*   **SUGGESTED:** A wave of grief washed over Marcus, cold enough to ache. To keep Leo alive, they had to turn him into a soldier...
*   **RATIONALE:** Delete "This was the tragedy of their survival." You’ve already shown us the tragedy via the contrast of "seeds" vs "the wall." Let the reader name the feeling.

#### III. Filtering and Prose Economy
Eliminate "filter verbs" (saw, felt, watched) to bring the reader closer to the sensory experience.

*   **ORIGINAL:** Marcus watched the fire, seeing not the flames, but the flickering ghosts of a skyline he hadn’t thought about in a decade.
*   **SUGGESTED:** Marcus looked into the fire. Flickering in the embers were the ghosts of a skyline he hadn’t thought about in a decade. 
*   **RATIONALE:** "Seeing not the flames" is a bit "writerly." By removing "watched" and "seeing," the skyline becomes more vivid.

*   **ORIGINAL:** Marcus felt the boy’s heart racing against his ribs, a frantic, bird-like thrumming. 
*   **SUGGESTED:** The boy’s heart raced against Marcus’s ribs—a frantic, bird-like thrumming.
*   **RATIONALE:** Strip the "Marcus felt." If you describe the heart against the ribs, we know he feels it.

#### IV. Over-Reliance on Adverbs/Weak Adjectives
*   **ORIGINAL:** Leo looked up, his expression suddenly, devastatingly sharp.
*   **SUGGESTED:** Leo looked up, his expression honing to a fine, dark point.
*   **RATIONALE:** "Suddenly, devastatingly" are two "ly" adverbs in a row. They tell the reader how to feel rather than showing the change in the boy's face.

### 3. VERDICT

**POLISH NEEDED.**

The emotional core of the chapter is excellent. The "Small World" metaphor is the strongest piece of world-building in the text. To elevate this from "good genre fiction" to "compelling literature," you need to tighten the dialogue to ensure Leo sounds like a child and Marcus’s internal monologues don’t over-explain the themes. 

**Lane’s Final Note:** *Check your ending.* The transition from the tender moment with Leo to the "military readiness" of the cleaning kit is good, but the "cliffhanger" dialogue with Elias ("The world isn't as small as we thought") feels a bit like a movie trailer line. Let the missing traps speak for themselves.