To: Facilitator, Cypress Bend Project
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review: Chapter 16 – "The Blueprint & The Wives"

This chapter serves as the "Call to Arms" for the second act’s major set piece. It transitions the story from the theoretical (David’s vision) to the mechanical (the village’s labor). It is a structurally sound "bridge" chapter—pun intended—but there are specific emotional and pacing beats that feel unearned or rushed.

### 1. STRENGTHS
*   **The Technical Stakes:** The distinction between steel and timber is excellent. Exploding the myth of "scavenging" in favor of more grounded, difficult labor (the North Ridge old-growth) elevates the tension.
*   **The Trio’s Introduction:** The entrance of Elena, Sarah, and Helen is a standout moment. *"They didn't come in with the tentative pace of observers; they moved with the coordinated gravity of a command unit."* This immediately establishes the matriarchal backbone of the community.
*   **The Final Hook:** The closing line—*"the river wasn't the only thing trying to tear them apart"*—is a classic, effective cliffhanger that shifts the conflict from man-vs-nature to man-vs-man (or internal community fractures).

### 2. CONCERNS

**High Priority: The "Instant" Logistics (Pacing)**
The speed with which the logistics are solved borders on the miraculous. In one page, we go from a blueprint printing to a fully mobilized labor force with categorized roles, drafted mules, and a slaughterhouse schedule. 
*   **The Issue:** It feels less like a struggle and more like a montage. We lose the "Want/Obstacle" loop because Elena and Sarah have an answer for everything immediately.
*   **The Fix:** Introduce a point of friction during the logistics talk. Perhaps the Miller brothers are known to be protective of their mules, or the "kitchen collective" is already at a breaking point regarding the meat rations. Let us see Sarah or Elena *negotiate* rather than just dictate.

**Medium Priority: The Emotional Skip (Character Arc)**
There is a significant emotional leap in Elena’s character. She starts the scene with eyes *"hard as flint"* and moves with *"command unit"* gravity, but then abruptly shows *"the first hint of vulnerability"* on the porch.
*   **The Issue:** The transition is too jagged. We need a beat where she looks at the blueprint and we see the *weight* of the lives she’s about to risk before she gives the order.
*   **The Fix:** Quote: *"Elena walked straight to the plotter, watching the lines materialize... Her eyes... were hard as flint."* Add a moment here where she looks at David—not as a leader, but as a partner—to acknowledge the danger. This makes the later vulnerability on the porch feel earned rather than like a plot-required shift.

**Medium Priority: The "Magic" Mainframe (Tone)**
The interaction between Marcus’s high-tech AI and the low-tech timber feels a bit too "easy." 
*   **The Issue:** The AI solves the geometry in thirty seconds. This robs David of his agency as an engineer.
*   **The Fix:** Have the AI flag a flaw that David has to solve manually. If the machine does the thinking, David is just a foreman. If the machine provides data and *David* finds the "modified lattice truss" solution through intuition, the stakes for his character remain high.

### 3. VERDICT

**REVISE**

**Reasoning:**
The structural "skeleton" is there—clear want (the bridge), obstacle (the river/resources), and outcome (mobilization). However, it currently reads closer to a summary of a mobilization rather than a lived-in scene. By introducing a moment of genuine friction in the logistics and slowing down the transition between Elena’s "Commander" and "Vulnerable Partner" personas, you will ground the high-tech/low-tech split in a way that feels authentic to the genre. 

The ending works, but the middle needs more "dirt" and less "blueprint."