To: Facilitator
From: Devon, Developmental Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing
Subject: Developmental Review: Chapter 24 — *The Starfall Accord*

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The "Subject-Verb-Object" Armor:** Dorian’s dialogue maintains its rigid, analytical structure even under duress. Quote: *"The evidence suggests, Mira... that the Supreme Accord Review will convene in exactly fourteen minutes."* This consistency is vital for the "ice" half of the dynamic.
*   **The "Somatic Hum" Integration:** The chapter successfully bridges the physical romance of Chapter 23 with the political stakes of the finale. The description of the bond as a "braid" rather than a "lattice" provides a strong structural payoff for the magic system's evolution.
*   **The Voss Collapse:** The transformation of Voss from a calculated bureaucrat to a "shrieking" extremist feels earned after the reveal of the Nullifier Box. It validates Mira’s earlier instincts about the Ministry’s bad faith.
*   **Voice Signature Check:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her use of "Actually. No." as a rhetorical pivot and her tactile, heat-based metaphors (e.g., "stoke your internal kiln") are distinct.
    *   **Dorian:** YES. His reliance on data, percentages, and "The evidence suggests" framing remains intact even when he is "wheezing."

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The "Solas-Pyre" Surname:** In the climax, Mira and Dorian sign the ledger as "Mira Solas-Pyre" and "Dorian Solas-Pyre." 
    *   *Error:* There has been no wedding or formal discussion of name-merging. While thematic, this is a massive jump in a "slow-burn" arc that hasn't reached a formal union yet.
    *   *Correction:* They should sign their individual names, but perhaps Mira signs under a new title (e.g., "Chancellor of the Grey") to show unity without a premature legal name change that skips the emotional beat of *choosing* to share a name.
*   **The Nullifier Box Origin:** Elara states she found the box "Two days after the Gala."
    *   *Error:* The timeline in the RAG suggests we are currently in the immediate aftermath of the Gala's confrontation. If they just left the High Spire balcony (where Ch. 23 ended), Elara having had two days to investigate contradicts the "Chapter 15" state where Voss is just now retreating.
    *   *Correction:* Adjust Elara’s dialogue to reflect that she discovered the device during the chaos of the Gala evacuation or in the immediate hour following the Chancellor's "surrender."

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Sovereign Arcanum" Transition:** The jump from the High Spire to the Capital is a bit too abrupt. 
    *   *Reference:* "The transition from the High Spire to the Imperial Capital had been a blur of high-speed kinetic lifts..." 
    *   *Fix:* Add a single sentence before the guards' confrontation establishing whether they are appearing as prisoners or as invited guests. At the start of the chapter, they are wearing "formal robes," but the guards treat them as "unstable anomalies." Clarify the Chancellors' intended posture (defiance vs. feigned submission) before they hit the obsidian doors.

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **The Empty Chair Motif (Optional):** Reference the "Aric Pyre Chair" mentioned in the RAG/Context. When Mira looks at the Council, having her notice the *full* chairs of the Council contrasted against the *empty* chair they left behind at the Academy would sharpen the emotional stakes of her "the debt is not [over]" line.
*   **Malchor’s Pivot (Optional):** High Inquisitor Malchor’s sudden dismissal of charges feels slightly "deus ex machina." Adding a beat where he looks at the ruined "Nullifier Box" and realizes the Ministry (Voss) tried to kill the Council too would better justify his immediate 180-degree turn.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do NOT "fix" Dorian’s stuttering dialogue during the climax.** Phrases like *"It is... a catastrophic feedback loop!"* represent the physical collapse of his clinical mask. This is a character beat, not a pacing error.
*   **Do NOT remove the "Actually. No." repetitions.** This is Mira’s established verbal tic; smoothing it out would strip her of her argumentative "fire" personality.
*   **Do NOT normalize the temperature metaphors.** The constant references to 44 degrees and magma-tunnels are essential to the Adult Romantic Fantasy genre's "world-sensing" requirement.

### 6. VERDICT: REVISE
The chapter delivers a powerful structural outcome (The Fall of the Council), but the **Continuity** error regarding the "Solas-Pyre" combined surname is an unearned emotional skip. We need to see them win the Academy's freedom before they merge their legal identities. Additionally, the **Timeline** of Elara’s discovery needs to be tightened to match the immediate post-Gala flow. Once the "Two days later" and the premature name-merge are corrected, this chapter is ready for Polish.