1. PROSE EVIDENCE
- "The green phosphor lines on the oscilloscope didn’t just peak; they swelled, a rhythmic expansion that mimicked a lung filling with heavy, stagnant air." (early): This effectively establishes the "Respiration" world event by blending mechanical monitoring with biological horror.
- "Sarah reached for her belt, her thumb instinctively finding the 'record' button on her digital device. The tactile click seemed to ground her." (mid): This successfully utilizes Sarah's "What they REACH FOR" constraint from her character sheet to anchor her during stress.
- "The 1927 diagram showed a series of interlocking circles representing a ritualistic silence meant to 'invite the guest.'" (mid): This provides a concrete bridge between the 1927 "Great Silence" open loop and the current technical anomalies.
- "It was a layering of hundreds of voices—Elias’s frantic tone, her own clipped vowels, and a third, deeper resonance that sounded like the earth itself cracking open." (late): This sensory description heightens the stakes by manifesting the "Mirroring" lore mentioned in the project context.
- "In the total silence of the sub-level, the Whisper took its first true breath, and the world outside Oakhaven ceased to exist." (late): A strong concluding line that signals the transition from investigative curiosity to the 20% arc milestone of ritualistic communion.

2. CHARACTER VOICE AUDIT

**Sarah Miller**
- Quote: "Empirically speaking, Elias, signals don’t 'wait,'... Th-this frequency is just hitting a resonance point in the architecture."
- Signature vocabulary/tics: **YES.** She uses "Empirically speaking" and "from a rational standpoint" as required.
- Avoid forbidden patterns: **YES.** She avoids flowery supernatural affirmations, initially dismissing the signal as a grounded wire.
- Emotional register: **YES.** She stammers on "Th-this," adhering to her imperfection signature triggered by audio feedback/headaches.

**Elias Thorne**
- Quote: "The Archive isn't housing these records; it’s performing them. It’s sentient, and it’s waking up."
- Signature vocabulary/tics: **N/A.** Elias lacks a specific voice signature in the RAG context, but his obsessive tone matches the "transfixed" state in the Project Context.
- Avoid forbidden patterns: **YES.**
- Emotional register: **YES.** His arc (20%) describes a transition to "ritualistic communion," which is reflected in his talk of the "Bridging Breath."

**The Curator**
- Quote: "You’re turning a hardware glitch into a ghost story to justify your tenure. Administration is finished with the 'eccentricities' of this level."
- Signature vocabulary/tics: **YES.** His tone is "thin, aristocratic, and dripping with disdain," matching his "Hostile" faction attitude.
- Avoid forbidden patterns: **YES.**
- Emotional register: **YES.** He remains dismissive as established in NPC Memory.

3. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
- **The "Mirroring" Mechanic:** The scene where Sarah's recorder plays back a distorted version of her own voice ("—defies all logic—logic—logic—") perfectly executes the established lore that the signal reflects biological telemetry.
- **Sarah’s Analytical Freezing:** Consistent with her Notes for Writers, she doesn't scream when the power dies; she concludes with "Empirically speaking... it knows us," honoring the instruction that she "freezes analytically first."
- **Sensory Details:** The metallic "wet iron/copper" scent and the 42-48°F temperature drop are preserved accurately from the World State context.

4. MUST-FIX -- CONTINUITY
- **ORIGINAL:** "At 48 degrees, the moisture from their breath should have been visible..." (early)
- **PROBLEM:** The World State (ch-02) explicitly lists the temperature as 42°F.
- **FIX:** "At 42 degrees, the moisture from their breath should have been visible..."
- **ORIGINAL:** "Get a grip—what the actual fuck, Elias!" (late)
- **PROBLEM:** The Project Context/Character Sheet for Sarah lists this specific phrase as her reaction for being "furious." While appropriate here, the Character Sheet also notes: "Readers must NEVER see her dismiss Elias's occult knowledge outright—instead, she probes it analytically before rejecting."
- **FIX:** Keep the dialogue but ensure she has finished the "probing" phase, which she does by looking at the 1927 diagrams first. No rewrite strictly required, but temperature must be corrected.

5. MUST-FIX -- CLARITY
- **ORIGINAL:** "The shadows in the corners of the room didn't stay in the corners; they began to pulse inward..." (late)
- **PROBLEM:** This transition to physical manifestation happens very quickly. It's unclear if this is a hallucination caused by sensory overload (Project Context) or a literal physical warping.
- **FIX:** "The shadows in the corners of the room didn't stay in the corners; they began to pulse inward, a localized electromagnetic distortion made visible as the strobe-like lighting flickered."

6. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
- **Mark's Absence:** (Optional) The Character Sheet for "Mark" suggests he should not be introduced without approval, but if he is a planned technician for the power cut, a mention of his name by the Curator could bridge this gap. However, since the prompt says "do not introduce," his absence is currently a "Pass."
- **Lore Integration:** (Optional) The mention of "focus stones" in the 1927 ritual ("where a ritualist would have placed a focus stone") is a new lore element. It works well, but could be reinforced by having Elias reach for a physical artifact if one exists in the Archive.

7. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
- **Sarah's repetitive use of "Data doesn't lie":** This is a mandatory speech quirk and must not be edited for variety.
- **The strobe-like lighting:** This is an environmental constant from the World State and must remain.
- **Sarah's stuttering:** The "Th-this" stutter is a specific "imperfection signature" tied to her migraines and must be preserved.

8. VERDICT: REVISE
SCORE: 82
The chapter is atmospherically excellent and adheres strictly to character voice signatures, especially Sarah’s complex logic-based defenses. However, it requires a REVISE verdict due to a factual temperature discrepancy (48°F vs the established 42°F in the World State) and the need to more clearly define the physical manifestations versus sensory overload during the climax to ensure clarity.