Hello, I’m Lane. I’ve gone through Chapter 35 with a fine-toothed comb. 

Your prose has a rhythmic urgency that suits a medical crisis well. You have a sharp eye for sensory detail—the "smell of wet earth and copper" is particularly chilling. However, there are moments where the technical jargon clashes with the poetic imagery, and a few instances of "clinical" dialogue that feel a bit too much like a textbook.

Here is my line-level audit.

### 1. STRENGTHS
*   **The "Smell" of the Disease:** The description of the infection as "wet earth and copper" is evocative and sets a high-stakes tone without relying on gore.
*   **The High-Stakes Shift:** The transition from a modern medical concern to $17^{th}$-century alchemy feels earned and grounded in the world-building.
*   **Helen’s Internal Rhythm:** The "five seconds" rule for her mental math provides a great insight into her coping mechanisms under pressure.

### 2. CONCERNS & SUGGESTIONS

**I. Weak Adjectives & Redundant Modifiers**
There are several places where you’ve used an adjective-noun pairing that is less effective than a stronger noun or a more focused image.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "...pustules the color of curdled cream clung to the tonsils like barnacles on a rotting hull."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "...pustules the color of curdled cream encrusted the tonsils like barnacles on a hull."
*   **RATIONALE:** "Clung to" is a bit passive for an aggressive infection. "Encrusted" implies the texture and the permanence. Also, "rotting" is implied by the context of a death sentence; let the reader feel the decay without naming it.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "...her boots clicking a frantic rhythm on the concrete floor."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "...her boots stuttering against the concrete floor."
*   **RATIONALE:** "Frantic rhythm" is a "telling" phrase. "Stuttering" gives us the sound and the emotional state simultaneously.

**II. Dialogue Doing Too Much Heavy Lifting (Expository Dialogue)**
When Marcus and Silas speak, they often sound like they are reading a manual for the reader's benefit rather than talking to a colleague they’ve known for years.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "If the still breaks next time..." / "We were supposed to wait another three weeks for peak berberine levels."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "The berberine won't be peaked for three weeks."
*   **RATIONALE:** Silas knows Helen knows the science. He doesn't need to explain *why* they are waiting (for the levels); he just needs to voice the objection.

**III. The "Iron Mask" Cliché**
You use a few standard tropes for "stoic professional" that dampen the unique voice of the chapter.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "She kept her face an iron mask of clinical neutrality."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "She kept her face as still as the water in the carboys."
*   **RATIONALE:** "Iron mask" is a tired metaphor. Use an image from her specific world (the lab, the swamp, the glass).

**IV. Rhythmic Economy in Action Scenes**
The tracheostomy (or cricothyrotomy) scene is high-tension, but the sentences are a bit long, which slows the reader's heart rate when it should be spiking.

*   **ORIGINAL:** "She plunged the needle downward with a swift, practiced motion. A sharp pop echoed in the small room. A hiss of air followed, then a wet, bloody cough."
*   **SUGGESTED:** "She drove the needle home. A pop. A hiss of air. Then Toby coughed—a wet, crimson spray."
*   **RATIONALE:** Fragmented sentences increase the perceived speed of the action.

### 3. LINE-BY-LINE AUDIT

*   **Quote:** "The thermometer in little Toby’s mouth didn’t just beep; it hissed a death sentence..."
    *   **Suggestion:** Keep the "hissed," but cut "in the form of a 104.2-degree reading." 
    *   **Rationale:** We know it's a reading. "It hissed a death sentence: 104.2." is punchier.

*   **Quote:** "Is it the water?" Sarah’s voice was a brittle wire...
    *   **Suggestion:** "Sarah’s voice was wire-thin, ready to snap."
    *   **Rationale:** "Brittle wire" is a bit of a mixed metaphor. Wires fray or snap; things like glass are brittle. 

*   **Quote:** "I’ll be right behind you with the first round of tinctures."
    *   **Suggestion:** "Go. I’m right behind you."
    *   **Rationale:** Helen is in a rush. She wouldn't explain what she is bringing. The urgency should truncate her speech.

*   **Quote:** "...looking ragged and smelling of diesel and sweat."
    *   **Suggestion:** "...smelling of diesel and old sweat."
    *   **Rationale:** "Old sweat" implies the duration of his labor better than just "sweat."

### VERDICT

**POLISH NEEDED.**

The chapter is functionally strong and emotionally resonant. The "weeds and honey" vs. "munitions factory" theme is excellent. To move this to a "Pass," you need to tighten the dialogue to remove the "Science 101" explanations between characters and sharpen your verbs to replace the "Adjective + Noun" clutter.

**Lane**
*Line Editor, Crimson Leaf Publishing*