Hello, I’m Lane. I’ve read through the draft for Chapter 09. My ears are ringing from that "frozen steam" sequence—the conceptual physics are striking, but the prose needs a tight calibration to match the gravity of the moment.

Here is my evaluation of the text:

### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **Sensory Contrast:** The opening hook, *"The air in the Sparring Arena did not just cool; it died,"* is excellent. It establishes the "absolute zero" stakes without relying on cliché.
*   **The Paradox Imagery:** The "monument of frozen steam" and "crystalline lattice of impossible physics" are the strongest visual anchors in the scene. They perfectly encapsulate the "Binary Star" synergy mentioned in the project goals.
*   **Distinct Character Motivations:**
    *   **Dorian:** His transition from observer to "the center" of the fire is clearly felt. 
    *   **Mira:** Her scream ("Dorian, get back!") is consistent with her "sole protector" persona before her arc-shift.
*   **Voice Signatures:** 
    *   **Mira:** YES. Her dialogue is urgent and command-oriented. 
    *   **Dorian:** YES (Internal). His voice is analytical, even in crisis ("crafting a Paradox spell that defied the laws...").

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Hindi Fragment:**
    *   **Error:** The text reads: "He saw Aric’s skin **शुरू** to blister..."
    *   **Correction:** Replace "शुरू" with the English word "start" or "begin." This appears to be a systemic processing glitch or an un-translated placeholder.
*   **The Injury Stakes:**
    *   **Error:** The text mentions Dorian’s "nerves scorched" and his "body screaming for the very heat he had spent a lifetime repelling."
    *   **Correction:** This is technically a "Must-Fix" for the next chapter’s continuity: Ensure the physical "biological need for her proximity" is treated as a permanent somatic shift, not just a temporary adrenaline rush, as per the Character State documentation.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **Passage:** "...his nerves scorched, his body screaming for the very heat he had spent a lifetime repelling."
    *   **Problem:** The phrase "nerves scorched" is confusing for an ice mage in a scene where he just merged with fire. Is it metaphorical nerve damage from mana depletion, or literal heat burns?
    *   **Fix:** Clarify the nature of the pain. SUGGESTION: "...his nerves frayed by the kinetic feedback, his frozen blood screaming for the very heat..."
*   **Passage:** "...a miracle that looked far too much like a crime."
    *   **Problem:** This is a strong closing line, but it lacks a "who." Who thinks it looks like a crime? 
    *   **Fix:** Attribute the perspective more clearly to Lyra’s analytical horror. SUGGESTION: "...recording the data of a miracle that, to the Ministry, would look far too much like a crime."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Adverb Audit (Optional):**
    *   **Original:** "Ministry Observers stared down from the galleries in horrified silence..."
    *   **Suggested:** "Ministry Observers lined the galleries, a wall of horrified silence."
    *   **Rationale:** "In horrified silence" is a bit "telly." Making the silence a "wall" or a physical presence emphasizes the weight of their judgment.
*   **Economy of Motion (Optional):**
    *   **Original:** "Instead of retreating, Dorian reached out."
    *   **Suggested:** "Dorian didn't retreat. He reached out."
    *   **Rationale:** Shortening the sentence creates a rhythmic punch that mirrors a split-second decision.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do not "soften" the biological dependency:** The phrase "visceral, biological need for her proximity" is heavy-handed, but it is a core requirement of the "Binary Star" arc. Keep the clinical/visceral language even if it feels jarring.
*   **Do not remove the "impossible physics" descriptions:** Some might find "frozen steam" or "crystalline lattice" contradictory; these are intentional world-building elements (The Paradox) and must remain.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

The Hindi character error ("शुरू") and the need for clarity regarding Dorian’s "scorched nerves" vs. his ice-based nature require a polish before this can move to the final stage. Once the linguistic glitch is fixed and the somatic feedback is clarified, the rhythm of the chapter is solid.