### 1. STRENGTHS TO PRESERVE
*   **The Sensory Tether:** The description of the sensory bleed is visceral and aligns with the project's romantic fantasy core. Specifically: *"a sudden, violent intrusion of cold into her marrow. It wasn't just the temperature; it was Dorian’s terror, muffled and rigid."*
*   **The "Burnt Sugar" Recall:** Excellent use of a sensory anchor from the character state files. *"He saw the 'burnt sugar' corruption in the air... a stench Mira knew well."* This rewards the reader for paying attention to Mira's specific knowledge.
*   **Tactile Mira:** The opening line correctly identifies her tactile nature: *"Mira clutched her right hand, her blood slick against the dark stone."* This adheres to her "tactile first" voice profile.

**VOICE SIGNATURE CHECK:**
*   **Mira Vasquez:** **NO.** She has very little dialogue here. While her internal narration feels tactile, she hasn't used her "obvious" sarcasm or specific curse scale yet.
*   **Dorian Thorne:** **NO.** He is silent in this excerpt. His "formal understatement" is absent, and the narration describes his internal state as "shattered," but we need to hear his specific grammatical precision to confirm the voice.

### 2. MUST-FIX — CONTINUITY
*   **The Name Discrepancy:** 
    *   *Error:* The text refers to him as "Dorian Solas."
    *   *Correction:* Per the Non-Negotiable Voice Profiles, his name is "Dorian Thorne." (Note: The project context lists him as Dorian Solas, but the Voice Profile—the "Enforced" section—says Thorne. Continuity must prioritize the Voice Profile for brand consistency).
*   **The Progenitor Tech:**
    *   *Error:* The text states Dorian "realized... that the tether wasn't a spell. It was technology."
    *   *Correction:* According to the Character State (Ch-01), Dorian realized this, but Mira *only suspects it*. The current prose implies a shared realization or a perspective jump that muddies who knows what. Ensure the narrative stays tucked into Dorian’s POV for this specific revelation.

### 3. MUST-FIX — CLARITY
*   **The "Burnt Sugar" Attribution:**
    *   *Passage:* "He saw the 'burnt sugar' corruption in the air around the Emperor’s hand—a stench Mira knew well—and realized..."
    *   *Fix:* This is a "head-hop." Dorian is the POV character in this paragraph, but the phrase "a stench Mira knew well" belongs to Mira’s knowledge base. 
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "He saw the 'burnt sugar' corruption... a stench that, through the tether, he felt Mira recognize with a jolt of pure revulsion."

### 4. OPTIONAL SUGGESTIONS
*   **Economy of Motion (Opening):**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "The wind at the center of the Obsidian Bridge tasted of ash and ozone."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "Ash and ozone sharpened the wind at the bridge’s center."
    *   *Rationale:* Starting with the nouns "Ash and ozone" hits the reader's senses faster than "The wind... tasted of."

*   **Weak Adjectives:**
    *   *ORIGINAL:* "Dorian’s hand trembled. For the first time in his life, the absolute zero of his mental disciplines had shattered."
    *   *SUGGESTED:* "Dorian’s hand shook. The absolute zero of his mental disciplines—his life's work—shattered."
    *   *Rationale:* "Trembled" is a bit dainty for a man whose internal fortress is collapsing. "Shook" or "palsied" provides more grit.

### 5. FORBIDDEN CHANGES / NON-GOALS
*   **Do Not "Clean Up" Mira’s Reaction:** Her buckling knees and flickering magic are essential to the "magical exhaustion" state noted in the RAG database.
*   **Do Not Soften the Emperor:** His dialogue—'It is done'—is intentionally curt and "more command than observation." This fits the "Authoritative" faction attitude.
*   **Preserve the "Binary Star" gravity metaphor:** The phrase *"drawn by a gravity she could no longer resist"* is a key thematic link to the project title and should remain.

### 6. VERDICT

**REVISE**

*Reasoning: The name discrepancy (Solas vs. Thorne) and the point-of-view "head-hopping" regarding the burnt sugar stench must be resolved to maintain continuity and clarity before this chapter can proceed.*